5 Things You Communicate Without Ever Saying a Word

Privacy has become a hot issue on social media. But social media aside, your body language may give away much more to your clients, coworkers, and friends than you intend. Do you really want others to know these things about you?

5 Silent Messages to Avoid

1. I like you—a lot: Psychologist Paul Ekman,  who has been studying facial expressions and emotions for several decades, says that when we see someone we like, our eyebrows arch upward, the pupils in our eyes dilate, and our facial muscles relax. A client may interpret these signals positively. To your best friend’s date or spouse, well, … not so much.
2. I dislike you or disagree with you: Pursed lips provides the other party with an obvious signal that you don’t agree with what they’re saying. But in more subtle, unintentional ways you may be communicating the same message:  squinting your eyes, fluttering your eyelids while they’re talking, closing and opening your eyelids slowly while they’re talking. It’s as if you’re saying, “I’m trying to shut you out.”
3. I’m undependable and disorganized: Walking into meetings late, leaving paper piles scattered in your workspace, repeatedly asking to borrow a pen or calendar—all of these speak volumes about how reliable you might be on a project.
4. I’m lying: Inexperienced liars avoid eye contact. Guilt makes them glance away often. But a practiced liar (or even someone just unsure of what they saying—like promising unproven outcomes after a sale) may try to overdo the eye contact. Carol Kinsey Goman, a psychologist specializing in body language, insists that when someone really intends to cover up deception or if they feel unsure about what they’re saying, they practice giving stronger eye contact. But the lying shows up in other ways: Unconsciously touching the nose and mouth. Shoulders slowly inching upward. Those red flags wave to warn others that you’re either unsure or untruthful.
5. I need your approval: As I coach business presenters, I often warn young professionals of these habits and gestures: Head tilted to the side. Chin dipped, with eyes peeping upward. Do you really want to plead with the audience to approve of you—that you’re very timid? If you adopt this pose in a one-on-one conversation, the other person often reads it as flirting.

Granted, you can’t control how accurately others read your body language, or if their judgments are valid.  Your intentions may be completely misunderstood.  But whether intentional or not, at least you’ll know what your habits, gestures, eyes, posture, and movement might communicate—all without even opening your mouth.

Learn other ways that communication may be failing, and what to do about them in What More Can I Say: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It 

Dianna Booher is the bestselling author of 50 books, published in 62 foreign-language editions. She helps organizations to communicate clearly and leaders to expand their influence by a strong executive presence—and often by their own published book. Her latest books include Faster, Fewer, Better Emails; Communicate Like a Leader; What MORE Can I Say?; Creating Personal Presence; and Communicate With Confidence. National Media such as Good Morning America, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg, Forbes, FOX, CNN, NPR, and Entrepreneur have interviewed her for opinions on workplace communication issues. www.BooherResearch.com @DiannaBooher