5 ways to deal with a “difficult” employee

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Dealing with a “difficult” or “toxic” team member is one of the toughest challenges for leaders, and it’s also one of the most common. Because problematic attitudes and negative behaviors can spread like wildfire to the rest of your team, it’s important to take action. However, while most leaders understand the importance of addressing the problem, very few know exactly what to do about it. 

A client of mine - let’s call him Joe - is currently in this very predicament. He’s a relatively new SVP of a tech scale-up, with 9 months on the job. Joe has a “difficult” direct report that he believes is not receptive to feedback and resistant to evolving her team’s structure, therefore failing to meet the business needs.That said, she also commands strong followership and loyalty within the organization as one of its first employees. Said another way, Joe feels like this person is a “sacred cow.” The CEO wants Joe to turn things around within his organization while bringing this direct report along, and after months of trying, Joe is becoming disengaged, discouraged, and thinking about leaving himself. 

This situation may be familiar to many of you. While it may be frustrating, all is not lost. There are effective ways for you to turn your circumstances around without destroying your team relationships or your mental health in the process. 

Different kinds of “difficult” 

When you say an employee is “difficult,” what do you mean? Are they underperforming? Reluctant to accepting feedback? Displaying a poor attitude? There are myriad hypotheses to this question, and in order to effectively handle a troublesome team member, you need to clarify what you’re dealing with.

Perhaps it’s mismatched work styles that’s contributing to the difficulty. For example, this person may want to bring their “whole self” to work and perhaps seek mental health support, yet as the leader you want to focus strictly on the tasks at hand. There is no “right” or “wrong” here, but the preference may cause conflict. 

If the issue is situation-based (personal or professional), that requires a different course of action. If an otherwise strong employee is going through a difficult time at home, they may find work a challenge. Perhaps uncertainty in the marketplace is causing undue stress, which we know can affect behavior. As much as we try to leave our troubles at the door, the fact is that our emotions are often controlled by the situations in which we find ourselves, both at work and at home. 

Is the problem task-based? If so, it could be a skill vs. will issue. For this purpose, “skill” is the competence employees possess to function in their role effectively, and “will” is the degree of motivation employees have to perform a task or function in a role. When these are out of balance, performance and productivity problems arise. 

Tailor your leadership style

Determining what kind of “difficult” you’re managing allows you to tailor your leadership style to the individual or situation. 50% of the time, leaders are using the wrong leadership style to meet the needs of their people. In line with Ken Blanchard’s Situational Leadership model, it's crucial to match your leadership style to the task-based needs of each individual. If you're dealing with a disillusioned learner or someone at the “D2” level, providing “S2” coaching and support is the best choice. This means offering guidance, feedback, and encouragement to help them improve their skills and build their confidence. For self-reliant achievers at the “D4” level, your approach needs to be more about delegating in order to be effective. When you adjust your leadership style to the individual and their situation, you have a much better chance of making an impact. 

Make agreements

Many leaders will attempt to solve problems by setting expectations, but this solution can backfire easily. Expectations are fear-based, and often create stress, anxiety, and even resentment rather than motivation. Instead, try making agreements with your difficult employee. The difference lies in the collaboration between two parties. Agreements aren’t one-sided, they’re co-authored, which means that both people have input. Expectations don’t take into account the needs of the other person. When you make agreements, you not only can tell the other party what you want, they can then ask you for what they need. While people are likely to rebel against expectations, human nature is to keep agreements, making this a particularly effective way to make positive change. 

Leave a paper trail

When dealing with your difficult employee, don’t forget to document their behavior and your attempts to work with them to solve the issue. By recording occurrences, you have a clear and accurate record of any behavioral or performance challenges that have arisen. This can help you identify patterns or trends in the employee's behavior, which may point to underlying issues that need to be addressed. It can also provide clarity when choosing the appropriate action to take, whether that be providing coaching, training or disciplinary action. A paper trail can also protect your organization from potential legal action, as it demonstrates that you have taken reasonable steps to address the issue in a fair and consistent manner. 

Bring in reinforcements

Leaders don’t have to address conflict alone. You may find it helpful to bring in a neutral third party who can help you view the situation more objectively.  By consulting with someone outside the situation, you can explore various possibilities and create a plan to overcome the challenges you and your employee are facing. This plan may even include supporting the employee to move on to another role within or outside your company. While this may not be the easiest option, it could be the best solution for all parties. 

Take care of yourself

Addressing a challenging employee can be stressful, and it's easy to become so consumed with trying to manage the situation that you neglect your own needs. However, it's important to remember that taking care of yourself is essential if you want to be an effective leader. Self-care can help you to manage stress and avoid burnout, which in turn, helps you to stay objective and focused so you’re able to make clear and rational decisions. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it's a necessity. By prioritizing your own well-being, you can better manage the situation, lead your team more effectively, and achieve positive outcomes for everyone involved.

What kind of leader do you want to be? Let’s talk about it. 

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