50% Everyday or 100% On Some Days? The Trap of Perfectionism & How To Let Go Of It Bit-By-Bit.

What's the one thing common between Bollywood actor, Aamir Khan and a sweet old couple who have made it through the ups and downs of life? 

Both parties hate being perfect and embrace mistakes.

What? How? This doesn't make sense. 

Stay with me.

The other day I was scrolling through reels on Instagram and came across a reel of an old couple, cozily sitting next to each other enjoying tea and watching the bitter batter of the rain from their house. 

The reel had a soothing song going on in the background and a simple caption that read - "Wonder how many times this couple had to forgive each other to be enjoying this tea, wonder how many imperfections they embraced – not only of each other but the people in their life. This must be what love means." 

I was teary-eyed for a second and I took a deep breath. Yes, we did too! 

A few reels later was Aamir Khan giving an interview to ABP. 

Now, we all know how for decades he has maintained the 'Mr Perfectionist' image. Well, it was a false one as he busted it. 

He clearly said, "I am not a Perfectionist. I am someone who is just trying hard and I love my work. I seek magic – in any perfect or imperfect moment."

I sat and noticed the similarity between the old couple and Aamir Khan and contemplated our obsession with perfection. I realized – when has perfectionism ever led to perfectionism? It has always led to burnout, anxiety and so much more. 

Let's break it down – 

We are all too comfortable with the idea of things being ‘perfect’. If not perfect, one aims at ‘near perfection’ – like a pastry (at least) instead of a chocolate ice cream.

Why are we so obsessed with perfection anyway?

• The idea of perfect looks
• the struggles to have a perfect career
• the effort to have a perfect social life
• the strange ideal of living up to perfect economic standards 

…. And the list goes on

We need to understand – 

1. Humans are not meant to be perfect.

Many of us get caught up in the idea of what perfection should be. But if some people manage to meet this "ideal," why do others feel left out or inadequate?

This often comes from our upbringing or the environment we live in, where there's constant pressure to outperform others. Instead of appreciating our unique abilities, we compete relentlessly. In our careers, we are often led to believe that success is something everyone should achieve in the same way, which adds unnecessary pressure. 

But we need to remember that being human means embracing imperfection. When we chase perfection, we can fall into a cycle of self-criticism, never feeling truly satisfied with our achievements.

Let’s learn it from a feedback perspective. Learn, ask, is that what you want or is it just forced by the environment, & make a choice to do it in your style. 

1. Perfection is a State of Mind

What one person views as "perfect" can create unrealistic expectations for others. For example, think of a child playing in a puddle, completely happy and unaware of any flaws in the world. As adults, we start to pursue perfection, and this can make us view imperfections as negative. We begin to feel insecure, overwork ourselves, and even lose our ability to connect with others.

The pursuit of perfection can lead us down a misleading path, where we struggle to trust others or allow room for error. It’s important to remember that our imperfections are what make us human.

Let us think – 

Are only perfect marriages successful?

Name one couple you know who has got everything right.

Are only perfect entrepreneurs successful?

Even Jeff Bezos was stuck in a string of failures. Warren Buffet has made loss-making deals. 

Only perfect companies are profitable.

Name one company that is ace-ing in all departments.

Is there a perfect diet to cure all diseases?

No one diet or supplement can take care of you. Your body will keep changing. 

If I talk about myself – 

1. After working intensely on a project for five months, my health has taken a hit. I recognize that during this period, I was driven by intentions, serving other goals. However, I am dealing with the consequences and moving forward. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

1. My emotions have been shaken by various critics along the way. Despite this, I continue to hold the same passion for my work and maintain my focus. Criticism has challenged me, but I’m learning to manage it without losing sight of my purpose. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

1. After dedicating two years of hard work to some of my clients (with evidential data), I’ve been confronted with doubts, questioning what I have truly achieved or served. Even though these challenges have made me reflect deeply, I’ve accepted this phase and know how to manage it. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

1. Like any business owner, I’ve faced fluctuations in financial stability while also growing my company. Balancing these financial challenges is difficult, but I am learning to navigate through them. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

1. As the company grows, plans keep overlapping, new plans, new processes, and my team continue to be in the process of training. Despite this chaos, I’ve learned to handle these hurdles, knowing that progress takes time. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

1. My loved ones were and are facing health issues, especially at the peak of the event 23rd Aug 2024, will be remembered for life for me, and while it's a constant worry in the back of my mind, I still stood & delivered the huge event, I continue managing both personal and professional responsibilities. I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

I am no saint and even I have been trying to make the perfect plan for everything, but in reality, I’m performing better within my imperfections during this quarter. Instead of chasing perfection, 

• I’m thriving in my flawed, yet dynamic process. 
• I am okay.
• And the best part is I again met myself, in a new way, that I am unstoppable as if now I know the meaning of being unstoppable though imperfect! 

What Experts Say?

“A lot of perfectionistic tendencies are rooted in fear and insecurity. Many perfectionists worry that if they let go of their [meticulousness and conscientiousness], it will hurt their performance and standing. And so they cling to their perfectionism even when it’s counterproductive."

– Study done by MIT Sloan & Harvard on productivity barriers

Ways To Overcome Perfectionism

Giving up on being a perfectionist is a step-by-step process of unraveling your thought process and making changes (bit by bit) in your day-to-day activities. 

1. Adjust Your Standards

Calibrate your expectations. If you're working on an important memo, show a draft to a colleague early. You may find it’s already good enough, saving time and effort.

Example: What you thought would take 10 hours might only need 5 once you get feedback. The goal isn’t perfection, just to contribute something useful.

2. Create a Checklist

Perfectionism often leads to endless work without clear goals. Instead, use a checklist to track progress.

Example: If you're creating a client pitch, focus on essential tasks like proofreading rather than obsessing over minor details like font choices. Once the checklist is complete, you're done.

3. Break the Cycle of Rumination

Identify triggers that cause you to overthink.  If you're stuck thinking about a negative interaction with a colleague, don’t trust your first reaction. 

Step back, get perspective, and give yourself time to cool down. I learned as a leader, the job is to stop thinking about small details, and just get back to the most important thing in this quarter! 

Example: Maybe seek distractions, like filling out an expense report for 10 minutes, to break the cycle. 

4. Think Positively

Avoid the mindset of "if I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all."

What would they say? How is this? He/She has done it better.

Example: Reflect on past successes where you took action despite uncertainty. This helps remind you that progress is more important than perfection.

5. Get Perspective

Share your perfectionist tendencies with someone you trust—whether a boss, mentor, or friend. 

I share it with my best friend, & lately, she reminded me that the speed with which you are growing & working is huge, & it's ok, just keep going! 

Example: Permit them to let you know if you're being too fussy and promise to consider their feedback, even if it initially feels uncomfortable. 

6. Monitor Your Progress

Review your behavior weekly. This reflection helps you learn where perfectionism is helpful and where it's not.

Whenever I cannot perform, I ask myself, Where was I putting my attention instead? Was that a useful or important aspect of my life? Or was it not worth spending time on? 

Example: Ask yourself, “Was there anything I avoided due to fear of making mistakes? Did I take action even when I wasn’t 100% certain?” Ask any of your models what they do, and they would say, just go ahead, do & learn from it! 

In work, life, and relationships; remember – 

• Showing up imperfectly is so much better than not showing up at all. 
• When we seek perfection, it’s like we focus on a small dent in the frame and not the beauty of the picture itself. 
• Ever notice how a person becomes more relaxed and at ease after a serious illness or accident as if they just no longer sweat the small stuff? 
• We don’t have to wait for something traumatic to happen to embrace this life-changing perspective. 
• “Extraordinary” has the word “ordinary” in it because ordinary is the foundation. 

Being consistent with 50% effort is BETTER than being perfect on select days.

I don't believe that having everything planned and written down guarantees success. It may work for some, and that's fine, but I am content being who I am. I have grown significantly despite (and perhaps because of) my imperfections. 

Life is a lifetime’s work. 

So, live, laugh, learn, unlearn, forgive, embrace the spaces, and the mistakes (of yourself and others), and you too will make it with ease and grace.

For all the hand-holding and guidance on how to shed the barricades of perfectionism and other mental blocks, I am here! Just do it & learn from it! 

Keep this if you sometimes get obsessed with perfectionism: 

I am ok with it & I learned again. I am thriving. I am unstoppable. 

I never meant that don't try to be, but your mental health is important, try & thrive, both are equally healthy! 

Regards,

Ridhima Dua