7 things I wish my parents could have taught me about WORK LIFE.

If you’re like me, my parents didn’t grow up in Corporate America. Rather, they were hard working blue-collar folks – well, my father was. He shared lots of stories about his day, about his coworkers (who turned into extended family) and about his boss – some days he liked him, while other days he had some not-so-kind choice words for him (that he expressed at home, of course). 

My dad’s advice to me was this: “Son, find yourself a good job with a good company and stay there. Build up your pension and retire.” Because I highly respected my dad, I filed his advice in my mental notes (along with other key things he taught me). However, when I turned 24 and started my career, his advice, though great for him, didn’t resonate for me. I found myself unprepared for Corporate America and had to quickly figure out how to find my way before self-destructing.

Here are some things I wish I knew that my parents couldn’t teach me:

1. Be aware – This sounds simple, but when you peel this back a bit you’ll find what I’m getting at deals with branding yourself and learning how to show up and show out every day at work. Building your reputation requires that you know how to navigate strong cultures and avoid pitfalls. Some cultures will encourage employees to bring their “full self to work”, then put them on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) when they’ve done so. Employees fail to probe and inquire about what things their organization honors versus the things that are deemed unacceptable. Bringing your full self to work typically means that you are free to ask questions, there’s an open door policy and that your ideas and opinions are valued. It also means that you can have some personality, though not an aggressive or assertive one. You are in COMPLETE control of managing your brand – the things you say and do let’s people know how to interact with you and what to expect from you. For example, at one of the companies I worked at I wanted my brand to be: polished, smart, thoughtful and creative. And that’s what I delivered each and every day and they believed me. However, I went to my next company and rebranded myself as strategist, networker, great writer and funny because the culture appreciated those things.
2. Understand corporate politics – This is something I struggled with initially. I thought that if you did a good job, then that was enough to get you in good graces with the right people – negative. It is not enough to do your job well (this is expected), but you’ve also got to build relationships (sometimes with people you don’t like or care for), small-talk with folks (even though it’s the most awkward thing at times), you’ve got to share a little bit about yourself and your personal life (simple things, general things – the point here is that people want to know who you are), you’ve got to do happy hours with coworkers and colleagues and show face (even when you’d rather be home netflixing and chillin’), you’ve got to be a little assertive and let people know that you are in the room – they wont take it upon themselves to seek you out. I have learned that you always have to be “on” even though it’s draining at times. However, these things pay off in the long run. Throughout your career you might notice that people around you are moving up and getting promoted when you know and do “way more than they do", but again the relationships you build will direct your career. It is important to be relatable to the general population at work. Lastly, save your dumb questions for your smart phone. Regardless of what you’ve heard throughout life, there is such a thing as "dumb questions" and you’ll be judged for them. There’s so much access to information at your fingertips – take advantage of it. Make sure your questions are at the very least thoughtful.
3. Learn, explore and discover – My dad’s desire was for me to stay at a company for 35 years then retire. I think that’s probably the worst thing that anyone could do in this day and age – it’s career suicide. It’s absolutely OK to “job-hop”, however, you should do it with a purpose – have a strategy. Experiencing multiple companies and cultures throughout your career gives you perspective and insight that is valuable to any employer. On average, most people stay at a company for 1-3 before exiting. It’s probably not the best idea to leave before your 1-year mark – it’s a signal that something went wrong.
4. Shut up and LISTEN – I’m observant and reserved by nature, so I don’t have a problem with this. However, a lot of people get poor grades and sometimes fail at receiving feedback. It’s truly hard to listen to someone tell you all the things you’re doing wrong, but the intent is to help you fit into cultural expectations so that you are successful. Sometimes employees become so defensive in these feedback sessions that they don’t actually ever process the feedback in a constructive manner. The other piece of listening goes beyond making eye contact and nodding your head – you have to connect the dots and absorb everything you hear. Employers like business savvy employees who pay attention to the industry trends and those who bring solutions to the table.
5. Don't get it twisted (meaning, your work relationships) - You have no friends at work, only coworkers and colleagues. I've seen a lot of people get caught up in blurred lines. “My boss is super cool. We hang out after work and on the weekends, we text and party together - he's the coolest.” But what happens when you made a few mistakes on work assignments and have to be reprimanded, receive a bad annual review or get called out in a meeting? It becomes really uncomfortable to navigate the "franager" (friend & manager) type of relationship, as most people tend to feel like “I thought we were friends.” Rather than putting the work relationship first, they sometimes place more value on the friendship aspect. The franager relationship is often cultivated by the superior/manager in order to groom and mentor junior team members. However, if not managed appropriately, it can be disastrous. It's always best to keep it friendly and professional so that the exchange is always objective and fair. 
6. Communicate your expectations - I think it's perfectly fine to let your manager know what you expect of them. Manager and employee relationships aren't one up/one down exchanges. Just as your manager has a list of expectations for you, you should discuss early on what your ideal working relationship looks like and be honest about it. These conversations should either take place during the interview process or during the first week of hire. However, the messaging has to be carefully crafted and delivered. Take initiative and put some time on their calendar and let them know you'd like to talk about expectations and the first 90 days. Start the convo off by saying how excited you are about the job and the company and that you're looking forward to the working relationship. Tell them you'd love to hear their expectations for the first 90 days and also share some of yours - both of your manager and the role. Talk about management styles and what's worked really well for you in the past. Talk about some of the things you value: honesty, transparency, feedback, fairness, direction and support as well as a development plan (any good manager should have one of these already created as of day 1).
7. Identify an internal sponsor or champion – I refrain from using the word “mentor” here as the term has great implication and responsibility. Most people are reluctant to raise their hands to be mentors because it requires a lot of time and investment that some people just don’t have. Between managing careers, family, social lives and relationships it’s hard to carve out time. I suggest seeking out people at your organization who can serve as your “sounding board.” This feels more appealing to most people as they are able to offer quick and thoughtful career advice and guidance, which doesn’t take them from the hectic lives they manage from day to day. What I’m getting at here is this – you truly need someone who can help you understand internal politics, offer advice on how to manage challenging workplace issues, give perspective on how to have difficult conversations and offer direction on whom you should build alliances with. When considering whom to identify for this type of relationship internally, you should target folks who’ve been at the company for at least 2 years. This individual should be someone who is highly regarded, respected and trusted throughout the organization. This individual doesn’t need to be “just like you.” Most people of color will seek out other people of color, most women will seek out other women and most LGBT people will seek out other LGBT people – it’s important to mix it up so that you can learn new things in the process. Get out of your comfort zone and diversify.

In speaking to my dad these days, he’s often surprised to hear some of the stories I share and the things that come up from week to week. In the words of my favorite childhood show’s theme song, “it’s a different world from where he’s come from.” While I’ve acknowledged that his custom quotes and advice reside within my spirit and helps me to do the right thing, he’s acknowledged that the student has become a teacher.

I wrote this article for people like me who may have struggled with transitioning into corporate America without a clue of how to navigate the sometimes-tough terrain. Our parents love us dearly, but they do not always have the answers. It is important for us to share the knowledge that the universe has given us so that each generation is smarter and much more savvy than the previous one. As my dad put it, “each one, teach one.” – it is our responsibility.

Dwayne Cash is Founder of Amplify Recruiting, a boutique recruitment and consulting agency targeting the media, digital and entertainment industries. Dwayne is a Talent Finder, Career Coach, mentor to many and a champion of inclusive recruiting practices.