8 Years of Sobriety in a nutshell

8 years ago today was the day I knew in my heart and soul that I was done with drinking and being the same person.  

It began by making a decision —  I had to first admit to myself that my life was unmanageable, that a higher power could restore me to sanity, and that I was willing to turn my life over. (Steps 1-3) it happened in a flash. This epiphany occurred while I was surrounded by tens of thousands of screaming Eagles fans (many of whom were pounding draft beer out of cheap red cups in between bites of lukewarm $2 stadium dogs) during a home game in Philadelphia. It was my dad’s birthday. At some point during the pre-game tailgating party, I realized I was losing these special moments with my loved ones and that I had been constantly missing out due to my drinking addiction.  

Looking around, everyone seemed so happy. But for me, I was depressed.  I felt beaten down and out of ideas for how to manage my life. I always thought one more drink, just making one more dollar, just one more audition, if I get a girlfriend, if I live in a fancy place and escape Philadelphia, then I would be happy.  

Well, I had just gotten out of financial credit card debt, I had a girlfriend, was auditioning without success, and finally had my own place for the first time — a 250 sq ft studio apartment in center city Philadelphia. The reality was, I was lonelier and sadder than ever.  I realized that the only thing that I could now change was myself, the way I was thinking, and my own behavior and actions. It was time to step into sobriety.

Since making that decision 8 years ago, my life has changed drastically. , I could fill a book with all the life lessons, experiences, miracles, and events that have happened over the past 8 years. It all feels like a dream. I have lived more in the past 8 years than I had in the 20 years leading up to that point..

In those 8 years, not only did I get sober, I started sponsoring others, I wrote a book, spoke at TEDx. This led me to doing a documentary on Asian masculinity, which premiered at LAAFF in Los Angeles. That led me to moving to Los Angeles with a dream and a suitcase.  Literally, that’s it, and I still have that suitcase by the way! The documentary led to me being cast on Netflix’s Bling Empire for 3 seasons. I’ve traveled the world and have met the best designers, reunited with my ex, and created the dream life that we had always talked about. It’s not all perfect, believe me, we still have our challenges, but I did propose to her as my ‘promise girl’, I got to experience a Netflix launch party for season 2, events, found out what it’s like to be a hit reality competition show TRAITORS s2. I experienced what it was like to sell my first comic book IP, get into legal litigation, raise money, start a business, start SANS by Taejin Beverage, start a production company, do various projects, go through people who have f*cked me over, go through people supporting me when the times weren’t as bright and blingy and found  out who my true friends were. I got to experience being an uncle to three great kids, survived a pandemic and even thrived during it. Learned financial literacy , upgraded my life to a fabulous apartment, crashed my Tesla (yes, that actually happened!), got my first luxury watch I could never have afforded. Went through a canceled show, the unexpected death of a close friend and castmate, learned that I’m valued and can get paid to speak on stage, and know that I’m among a small group of people who have first hand experience with mental health, being an entrepreneur, and as an actor in the AAPI community. Recently, I celebrated my acting debut in a theatrically released feature film, which premiered in the Philippines.

I say all this not to brag, but to remind myself and show others how far someone can come when they remove toxic energy, unhealthy habits, and distractions from our lives.

I’ve experienced death, loss, and uncertainty in my life. I’ve also experienced a time where my sobriety was challenged and I had to sacrifice friendships and opportunities. I’ve experienced regret of missing opportunities because I thought more would come or listened to other agents, managers, or friends when I really knew instinctively what to do. I went against my instincts and lost time and money as well. I’ve lost money in crypto, the markets, spent it on my own projects which still aren’t even in fruition yet, failed at auditions, saying certain lines, and yet through all of this, I’ve only gotten better and told myself that it’s only a matter of time. 

My higher power knows what’s best for me, just like in 2016 when I came back from my trip in Bali, and I knew I didn’t want to be a personal trainer anymore for over two years while getting my life back in Philadelphia. This gym was my crutch and also where I began as a trainer in 2005. I didn’t have the courage to give it up because it was so safe for me and yet I knew deep inside that it wasn’t right for me anymore. The truth was, I was afraid. I was afraid of where my next paycheck would come from and how I would support myself. I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of judgment. 

When I returned from Bali, I received an email letting me know that the gym was officially shutting down after the New Year. I couldn’t believe the timing. Some would say it was luck, others would say it was just a coincidence. I now say it was God— a higher power that I truly don’t understand, but these things have happened so much in life for the better and given me more wisdom, that I want to write a book about it (and perhaps it is already being written!) I’ll promote my memoir another time, but that too is also a gift in life, that a literary agent even wanted to sign my story as a memoir.

And guess what? I never had to worry about getting income from personal training again. I didn’t even have to worry when modeling left me in 2021 and I became an entrepreneur, brand, actor, and speaker. I now  have free time and have stopped obsessing over my diet and the constant pursuit of trying to have the perfect body for modeling.

The biggest lessons I learned in sobriety were that just because I’m sober, I’m at service to others, and I’m spiritually connected, it doesn’t mean that my life is now perfect. Far from it. . Believe me, I still have plenty of struggles that I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes it feels harder because now I don’t have anything to distract me or to numb the pain when life throws me an uppercut. 

Reflecting on the past 8 years, I am blessed to get a chance to pursue happiness and my dreams. I now have the tools to deal with many of life’s challenges, to intuitively handle situations that used to baffle me, and I have a way of managing my emotions instead of always letting my emotions manage me.

In closing, I want to thank you for reading this, thanks to all those who have supported me and those who haven't. Just know there's always a solution and I hope one day you hear the message you need.