Absolutely Discredit Yourself

I have two stories to share this morning. First, I was a new programmer working as an intern at Simplot, which is one of those potato-farmer-grows-business-into-other-areas-and-becomes-a-billionaire stories. Seriously, fascinating history and it was the perfect place for me to work.

Anyway, I'm new but I was either a junior or senior in college and was pretty confident in the very small project I was working on. We were on a conference call with me, the internal customer, probably my boss, and definitely my boss's boss (who was one of the best humans I ever worked for).

I was new enough with the company, early enough in my career, and just starting to understand the project enough that I really should have just been quiet, listened, and learned from others on that call. I should have observed and gathered information. Instead, I was used to discussion in class where answers to fake questions were pretty black and white (or one and zero).

Someone asked a question and I enthusiastically replied, "ABSOLUTELY!"

I don't remember what the question was. I just remember two things: First, the very uncomfortable silence. When I gave an absolute answer, everyone else was completely quiet. I could tell something was wrong. Second, my boss's boss, Joan, nicely interjected and corrected my absolute response by give at least one exception and then asking a question. She tactfully covered up for my mistake.

I thought I had learned my lesson to be careful with absolutes. In case studies and college conversations it's easy to think of binary responses with no room for gray area, but in the "real world," there are so many circumstances to consider that absolutes can be short-lived.

Joan was actually protecting me and my reputation on that call. I didn't realize it then but I certainly appreciate it now. The last thing she needed on her team was an absolute thinker. She needed a critical thinker. Otherwise, people would come to our team less for the projects we should have been involved in.

The second story happened, unfortunately, probably less than two years after that absolutely phone call. I had graduated and was hired as the first IT Manager at a decent sized facility maintenance company. The owner/president was a nice-enough guy, but he would never back down from a conversation where someone was wrong and he was right, or where they were digging themselves in a hole.

Which was the exact situation I found myself in. We were talking, in a meeting with other people, and I gave an absolute response to something. He had this keen sense to know when to start digging and so he asked me for information on my very strong recommendation.

I am not a liar, so I wasn't being deceitful in my absolute answer, so I didn't feel like he was questioning my intentions or integrity. But I absolutely realized that my integrity was in jeopardy because I gave a an absolute response to something I had not thought enough about.

Like before, my confidence pushed me to be sure of something that, with a little bit of critical thinking from others, I was proven to not know enough to be absolute.

Now, I make courses for thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of people around the world. I give advice on careers and soft skills. I talk to people who are new in their career as well as those who are close to retirement. I talk to people who work at startups, or for themselves, as well as people who work in massive organizations. I talk to people who live in cultures on all ends of the spectrum.

I've found I can rarely be absolute.

Here's an example: I love personal branding. I love what I've learned, and what I've done. I am an advocate of defining, developing, and communicating your personal brand. One of my most impactful courses is titled Developing Your Personal Brand. I'm also pretty sure I know what I'm talking about.

But then I started to get some kickback. I got kickback from people in Europe and Asia saying, maybe you do it that way in the U.S., but we can't do that where we live.

Ouch.

I was sure of what I thought were principles without considering cultural circumstances.

And so my writing and courses and speaking has moved away from absolutes to conditions. I use maybe more and definitely less. This bothers me, of course, but what I've learned is that saying maybe more shows I understand more of the context, scope, and breadth of the issue.

Back to the title: Absolutely discredit yourself. I don't want you to absolutely discredit yourself, but if you are too absolute in your answers, you may be doing yourself, and your brand, a grand disservice.