Achieve more by saying NO

Knowing the right things to say no to will actually preserve more of your energy and time for the things you truly want to do.

When you say yes to everything, you become part of someone else's life. While this might relieve the burden of making most decisions, you might end up regretting where you are later in life.

But why is it so hard to say no? We want to make people happy, whether it's our boss, friends, or family. However, often saying yes to too many things can backfire.

There are different stages in life, though. When we're growing up, we tend to say yes often because we're exploring and we often don’t really know what we want, so we let ourselves be in a more passive, curious state.

Later, with more responsibilities, we learn that we can’t say yes to everything, but we might do so anyway because we want to avoid conflict and be an active contributor. But due to our limitations, we won't always be able to show up, and that can lead to being perceived as unreliable.

I had a friend who was already working while we were still studying, which meant he was less flexible with his schedule. But he couldn't say no to most things because he wanted to do everything. Most of the time, he failed to show up, and then we just judged him as someone we couldn’t rely on.

Now, when I think about it, he was saying yes to himself more by not showing up when he couldn’t, but he just had difficulty saying no to others. Or maybe he had trouble making thoughtful decisions, so he just said yes to everything and pushed the decision off until later.

Do you see now the impact this could have? Either you end up doing things you don’t want to, for the sake of the relationships you want to maintain, or you just say yes to yourself after not saying no to others and end up negatively impacting relationships with others.

"You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically—to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside." - Stephen Covey

While I advocate being honest, you don’t have to be rude. But first things first, let’s start with a simple framework I learned from Brendon Burchard, in a way that lets you take decisions faster according to your priorities by letting you understand what to say no and yes to.

Every opportunity can be rated from 0 to 100 depending on how well it aligns with your overall interests.

Rate an opportunity you receive on each of the following four points from 1-25. Add them up, and based on how close it is to 100, consider the current opportunities you have and decide whether to say yes or no.

Area Rating Self 0-25 Social 0-25 Skills 0-25 Service 0-25 Total 0-100

• Self: Does this make me enthusiastic? Is this connected to my purpose?
• Social: Does this enable me to connect with others?
• Skills: Will this upskill myself, am I playing it safe with my strengths, or am I putting myself in uncomfortable situations?
• Service: How do I serve others? Will I impact the people I could?

Now that you've got the framework to decide for a yes or no, which relive considerable cognitive effort.

Saying yes to others now is easy, but how about saying no politely, without making a lame excuse?

1. Acknowledge the Request Positively: Start by recognizing the positive aspect of being considered for the opportunity. Express gratitude for their consideration. A simple "Thank you for thinking of me..." can be effective.
2. State Your Inability to Commit: Clearly, but gently, explain that you are unable to take on the request. Keep the explanation brief: "Unfortunately, due to my current commitments, I can't fit this into my schedule."
3. Avoid Over-Explanation: Resist the urge to provide detailed justifications or excuses. A succinct explanation maintains clarity and respect for both parties.
4. Handle Further Inquiries Tactfully: If the person probes into why their request isn't a priority, politely reaffirm your position. Acknowledge their effort: "I really appreciate your understanding and the effort to make it work..." Reinforce your decision: "...but after careful consideration, I must stick to my decision."
5. Nurture Mutual Respect and Understanding: Don’t let the person feel less worthy because you said no. Reassure their value if needed and foster empathy.
6. Conclude Positively: End the conversation on a positive note. Express hope for future opportunities or interactions under different circumstances.

Remember what you are prioritizing: self-esteem and self-love are more important. Protect yourself and your time. Remember that you are saying yes to the people you care for and who care for you.

This might sound egotistic, but if you aren’t at your best, how can you help others?

Don’t take time away from people you prioritize in your life for opportunities that have minimal meaning for you and for those who care for you.

Don’t say yes to things you won't be able to commit to; it will be unhelpful in maintaining relationships as you will be seen as unreliable.

All in all, you only have this lifetime. Work to live it on your own terms, with intention.

Saying no is saying yes to yourself. Saying no to others means that you are in control of what you want to do and how you want to live your life.

Unlock your life.