Asking for help - a way for you to help more

We are missing on opportunities to foster deeper connections

I was raised by my parents, whom I dearly love, to be self-reliant. This upbringing instilled in me the confidence to tackle almost anything. Yet, when I can't, it fuels me to push beyond my limits, which, at times, has been unhealthy.

Many of us struggle with asking for help, living in societies that value independence. This cultural norm can make us hesitant to seek help, as it may feel like imposing on others. However, research shows that most people are inherently prosocial and willing to assist, suggesting that asking for help is key to unlocking opportunities for positive social connections and support.

This presents an interesting paradox, as studies show that performing small acts of kindness actually deepens connections between people.

The negative impacts of not asking for help properly include:

• Missing opportunities for learning
• Strained relationships
• Reduced efficiency
• Increased stress
• Generating misunderstandings

There are many reasons we might hesitate to ask for help, such as:

In some cases, it seems we don't believe we have earned the right to ask for help. This mindset might shift in a professional context, such as holding a managerial position, being offered help, or hiring someone’s services.

Even then, if help is not sought properly, it might not yield the desired results and could lead to the negative impacts I previously mentioned.

Consider that even in transactions involving money, the exchange is a tool for sustainability as we derive happiness from helping each other, reflecting our prosocial nature.

I am proud of being resilient, a self-learner, and carrying my own weight. However, a pivotal moment in my career was when I launched a company and was its first employee. I felt responsible for raising the company from the ground up, being on top of everything, and I was stubborn about asking for help or openly receiving it. This approach strained my relationships with my team and prevented deeper connections. Being more vulnerable and open about my shortcomings would have been the best way to achieve more with a more engaged team.

This has been a process I continually work on, but here are some lessons I’ve learned and now share with mentees in similar circumstances:

• When asking for help, clearly state the problem you are solving.
• Be specific in your request; use a framework like SMART to guide you.
• Give others the opportunity to contribute by asking for their help.
• Consider how your request for help might enable you to assist others more effectively.
• Don’t take a 'no' personally. People might not always be available to help, which is okay, neither should you. Know your boundaries and respect others'.

An exercise I often do with my son involves asking him after school if he had the chance to help someone or if he got help from someone. I believe nurturing this mindset of mutual assistance is important.

I am dedicated to supporting career transitions by providing the necessary tools and mindset for finding a meaningful life through my 'New Career Spark' program. If you believe this program could assist you in your career journey, please feel free to contact me. Additionally, if you know someone who might benefit from this opportunity, I encourage you to share this information with them.

Unlock life.