All we need is Love da da dat dada

Today’s Wisdom

I wanted to take a slight detour and talk about how we are managing in what some describe as challenging times.

Content warning: This article contains references to self-harm which may be distressing for some readers.

I mentioned that in my September Bulletin I was feeling a little overwhelmed and a dear friend said “Put it down to August. It’s a shit month”. And it was. And I got through it.

Placing meaning on a particular event as good or bad, in the past has been how I have measured success. But I know from experience not everything is as it seems.

What appears to be a good thing may end up in a bad place and vis-a-versa.

This keeps coming up for me in conversations I’m having with clients, friends and family. The common theme is people look tired and feel frustrated. This then colours their view of the event.

The economy is tanking. How will I survive?

I’ve just won a massive contract. Where will I find people to do the job?

In a conversation in the 6 Star Business Community everyone seemed to be nodding their heads and agreeing that business is getting harder. Overwhelmed seemed to be the best ‘feeling’ word.

September 12 was RU OK Day worldwide. I’m sure lots of people got a call and it helped.

But what can we do, every day, to make it ok to be ‘not OK’?

All we need is Love. This is my go to response when there is an emotional disconnect.

Coincidentally, Deep and Meaningfuls are more common as people are more prepared to ask for help.

I’m very conscious of ‘toxic positivity’ and trying to ‘fix the problem’.

I’m conscious that my opinions could do more damage than good if I’m not aware of the other person’s feelings.

Those who know me well, know that I will launch into a story to make a point.

What I hope to convey is what worked for me and those who want to listen can hear the message, or not.

In a recent 6 Star Huddle the conversation went deep into why we beat ourselves up in business.

It felt right to share one of my stories that I have never spoken of publicly.

It was a very dark period in my life. It was a time when I didn’t love myself.

I had just turned 45. We had just had our 4th child. My business was not going great, in fact I was in serious financial trouble.

Deb took the kids to live with her Parents on the Sunshine Coast and I moved into a garage set up as a bedroom in one of my friends' house. It was dire and I was seriously depressed on the inside and trying to show up as a success on the outside.

I remember one Friday I had $10 in cash. I had maxed out all my credit cards, and my commission was being paid on Monday afternoon.

To get to the office on Monday, I needed $4 for the bus. I had $6 for the weekend.

I remember not wanting to get out of bed, and I didn’t. I lay there considering my options and the thought of ending it did cross my mind. It was a fleeting thought, but still a thought.

What shook me out of the morose behaviour was the vision of my wife and children left behind to fend for themselves and I imagined the impact my choice would have on them.

At the same time, I wondered how could they possibly be proud of me given the situation I had placed them in.

The irony was that my life insurance premiums were not paid up. Not having money could have saved my life.

That whole period had a massive impact on my opinion of myself. I felt like a failure, yet the one person who believed in me, who loved me unconditionally, was my wife, Debbie.

We got through it and we managed to fight our way back.

Our children are all well adjusted adults, and I have two Grandchildren who will be able to play with their ‘Oppy’, hopefully into their adulthood.

Why am I sharing this now after nearly 25 years?

Because Love is what saved me. I think the demonstration of Love is underutilised.

What if we looked at every problem as a way of demonstrating our Love?

The answer to my friends who ask me for my advice always ends with being Loving.

We can be Loving in Business! We can Care for people. Be Generous and Grateful.

I’m not suggesting that just because you care, means that you can’t be tough.

I Love all my children and I was strict and tough on them when I needed to be, because I Loved them.

I’ve been tough and demanding on my staff because I cared about them and approached my position as a privilege, not a right.

Most importantly, we need to Love ourselves, which is sometimes the hardest thing to do because there is no hiding. We see behind the screen all the time and are our greatest critic.

I am very grateful to many people who have shown up in my life, not to save me but to be there for me.

I want to publicly acknowledge a few here.

They are friends whom I Love as a result of a trusting relationship.

In no particular order.

Philip Reid and Sharon Buchanan. For their unconditional Love and friendship.

Aveline Clarke and Marti Spiegelman MFA whose passion and commitment to the possibility of changing the way business is done with Love.

Karen Lindsay for being a soul mate, mentor and inspiration who has allowed me to shine.

Greg Smith Andy Baker whom I Love for helping me, and trusting me to help them.

To David Slape for his genuine care for everyone and who showed that Love in the corporate world is possible.

The Brendan Coombs and Peter Kent who took a chance on me when very few would, and allowed me to experiment with Love as a management tool.

To my ex-wife DEBBIE SANDOR for her Love and caring more about our children than herself. We had a loving divorce.

And finally to my Children who will cringe at the thought of their Father being so publicly gushy, but who will Love me anyway.

In the words of Jeff Fenuch “I Love youse all”

PS One final thank-you to Rob Drummond who suggested this story was worth sharing.

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