Assumptions, Communication and Behaviours

Have you found yourself in a situation where a conversation caused more problems than it solved? 

Effective communication is the key to successful outcomes, both professionally and personally. Yet, despite our best intentions, we can become entangled in conflicts and misunderstandings. 

Why does this happen? 

One reason is our assumptions, the silent thoughts that interpret the meaning of any communication and visual reactions. They shape our perceptions and derail conversations and relationships. 

Consider the following scenarios: A colleague fails to respond promptly to your email, triggering frustration and resentment. You assume they're ignoring you or questioning your competence because your expectations are unmet. As a result, you confront them with accusatory language when you next speak, causing unnecessary tension. 

Or a situation arises at home: Your partner seems distant and preoccupied after a long day. Assuming they're upset with you, you withdraw, leading to a silent standoff. In reality, your partner might be dealing with unrelated stressors, but your assumption prevents open dialogue and mutual support.

Consequences of Assumptions 

The consequences of misreading situations due to assumptions can be dire. They breed distrust, erode morale, and hinder collaboration. In professional settings, they can impede productivity and sabotage team dynamics. In personal relationships, they sow seeds of resentment and discord.

Programmed Behaviours 

However, another aspect needs to be considered — programmed behaviours — the behaviours created in childhood or even as adults used to protect us from harm. The problem is that those behaviours are unconscious. 

Therefore, depending on the people and circumstances involved in the communication, we speak or react in certain circumstances that negatively impact our ability to communicate without being submissive, aggressive or defensive.   

We do not provide clear indicators to explain why we speak aggressively, defensively, or submissively. However, regardless of the reasons behind our automatic response, we need to be aware of behaviours to prevent an imbalance in our relationships and a lack of cohesive communication. 

How do we mitigate the risks and foster better communication?

First and foremost, we must acknowledge the presence of assumptions in our interactions. Recognizing that our perceptions may be skewed allows us to approach conversations with compassion and openness.

By being aware that we are assuming, we can actively question ourselves: What evidence do I have to support this assumption? Could there be alternative explanations for the situation? Challenging our initial interpretations opens the door to deeper understanding and empathy.

We must also question why we are triggered by verbal and nonverbal actions that cause us to repeat fearful behaviours that diminish our ability to express ourselves confidently. 

In questioning, we can adjust to allow for our unconscious bias and behaviours, leading to more positive and effective communication at work and home.

Active listening

Moreover, we must cultivate a habit of active listening. Pay attention not only to what is being said but also to what is left unsaid. Tune into nonverbal cues and seek clarification when needed. 

Empathy is also crucial. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider their perspective. What might they be feeling or experiencing? Approach conversations with curiosity rather than judgment, and be willing to adjust your assumptions based on new information.

No one is a mind reader - despite the fact we think they are!

And just because you know what you know, don't expect your partner, family, or friends to have read your thoughts. 

This often happens in relationships where we believe we have made it clear what we want and expect our partners, children, colleagues etc., to know.

Yet how can they know if we do not actively share our expectations or desires? 

Communication involves listening and speaking

Communication is two ways. when speaking be clear on what you are saying and be aware of how your behaviours or unconscious bias are influencing your communication.

When listening, listen actively; you have two ears and two eyes. Watch for nonverbal communication: How are they standing or sitting? What are their hands doing? Are they looking at you, or are they uncomfortable speaking? What clues are there for you to understand their discomfort?

What words are they saying? Are they defensive, aggressive, or submissive? What words aren't they saying? Everything that is expressed verbally, visually, and non-verbally is a clue for you to understand without assuming.

Repeat back what they said, ask questions to ensure you understand what they mean, and don't allow your assumptions to cloud your response.

For better relationships - communication effectively

Effective communication is not a fixed trait but a skill that can be learned and improved. It starts with questioning our assumptions and knowing our protective behaviours.

By cultivating awareness, curiosity, and empathy, we can avoid misunderstandings and foster healthier, more productive relationships at work and home. This journey of self-improvement leads to better understanding and stronger connections.

#empowered #confident #communication #selflove

As an Empowerment Mentor and Soul Growth Therapist, I help women become empowered, confident, heard and seen, and love and respect who they are without being influenced by past experiences or current expectations.