Awareness

Trigger warning: Can we talk about pregnancy loss? I don't usually discuss such a personal topic in a professional setting, but in October, approaching Remembrance Day on the 15th, I think there's some merit here...

Reflecting on October being Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month, that term "awareness" means something to me. Most people don't even know that October also observes this awareness (understandably outshined by Breast Cancer, Mental Health, even Fire Prevention..) unless they have first-hand experience. The experience, unfortunately, highlights how the hush-hush nature of this topic creates an environment where people feel siloed while facing one of their most distressing challenges. For that reason, I think there is a place for this conversation in the workplace. My colleagues in HR roles or leadership positions, it is our job to create a work environment that supports the wellness and performance of our employees. So I've collected three major takeaways from what I've learned, and suggested simple practices to implement more awareness and create a better environment for the estimated 10-20% of people who are affected by this loss.

1. Make it a safe space for employees to announce.. or not announce their pregnancies.

There is good reason for women in the workplace to wait several weeks to let their employer know they are expecting. Many people feel guilty or judged for taking leave in the first place, if they do decide to let them know earlier and then experience loss, having to go back and unravel the planning again is a stressful task while dealing with loss. Additionally, many who have experienced loss before have difficulty allowing themselves to plan for a successful pregnancy until they've hit a certain mile-marker that feels safe for them. It may be logical to plan "just in case", but for some, the 20% chance in those plans never coming to fruition may just be too much to risk chiming that bell. Imagine planning the set up for the nursery and daycare, logistics of the time off, the timeline for projects assigned.. all to have to go to every party involved and say "nevermind".

Be careful not to ask, insinuate or gossip if you think someone may be expecting and train your people-leaders and employees the same way. As awareness spreads, some are becoming more comfortable with sharing, however, let them make that decision. If someone receives good or bad news about an expected addition, they shouldn't be worried about how that will affect the office process map.

2. Review your bereavement and other leave policies.

According to SHRM, only 24% of existing paid bereavement policies explicitly cover pregnancy loss. Yet, 1 in 5 pregnancies end in loss and about half of those decide to allow the process to carry out naturally. The process is both a medical and emotional toll. Some can be over in a day, while others can be prolonged up to a month or even more.

That's right. At one time, the only picture I had of pregnancy loss was a scene from "The Help" with a sudden, dramatic event that was over by morning. The reality is, most women today find out a pregnancy is no longer viable in a doctors visit and then are sent home, not knowing when their bodies will realize it. What would it feel like, losing a loved one and having to bring them everywhere with you until they pass? I can tell you, if someone is at work while fighting that battle, they are far less likely to maintain patience while you complain about the budget.

Take a look over your leave policies and consider how they can support someone who may need more than a sick day to get through the process. If you do have an employee share what they are going through, encourage them to take some time off and if they insist on working, allow them to change their mind if they get overwhelmed.

3. Check in and ask how you can support their return to work.

If more people shared their stories, most of you would know that they are all vastly unique. In this highly sensitive area, every person may have a different perspective and approach to coping and successfully returning to their normal routines. Some may prefer to keep their information private while others may be ok with openly answering questions or even have the manager share and ask for the teams support in moving on. Some may prefer to "get on with it" and focus on their tasks as a distraction, while others may be distracted from their tasks and need a phased return to be effective. It might feel better to pretend it never happened while in the office or it could make all the difference in the world to be asked "hey, how are you doing?" every now and then.

Try not to assume what someone wants, they might feel surprised themselves by their needs or reactions. Instead, ask how to support them and do what you can to provide that.

I hope these shared thoughts were more insightful than overwhelming. My goal in sharing this awareness is to help create more supportive work environments. As humans, we come together to make a living while we make things happen in our larger environment. Ignoring the human factors is not sustainable for your business, but more importantly, for our well-being.