Behind the Smile - Working through Grief.

Every time my phone rang, fear washed over me. Since July, I have had to bid farewell to six different family members. Dealing with multiple deaths in such short time spans took a toll on my mental health. There were moments when I found myself sitting in my home office, tears streaming down my face as I stared at the computer screen. There were also times when I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed or couch for days. The prospect of returning to the office three days a week seemed almost impossible given my emotional state. Who wants to break down and start crying in the elevator or at work?

Traditionally, most corporate bereavement policies offer two days of paid time off for immediate family members, excluding aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws. However, the modern family is not confined to the nuclear model that these policies originated from. It includes family members, friends, or individuals who have assumed guardian roles in a child's life. Shouldn't the definition of immediate family be broadened to reflect these changes, similar to how one can list pronouns at work?

The current bereavement policy is outdated for today's modern family and lacks additional supportive benefits. While companies are increasingly focusing on mental health and wellness, the existing policies may not be sufficient. Reflecting on the days when I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed, it's clear that my mental state could have a significant impact on my productivity at work. Simply being told to take the time within policy limits or accrued PTO was unrealistic.

My recent experience may be extreme, but it raises important questions. As employers, managers, and fellow humans, where do we draw the line and advocate for someone silently suffering? Pretending that everything is normal at work while silently battling personal struggles is an unrealistic expectation. I'm grateful for my employee resource group family, who checked in with me daily and provided support. Unfortunately, I did not receive the same level of support from my immediate manager or team. Which speaks volumes on the value of employee led resource groups within the company culture, but that’s for another blog.

However, it's essential to present solutions when highlighting problems. Here are some suggestions for revising bereavement policies:

• Allow employees to identify their immediate family members beyond the traditional nuclear model.
• Extend paid time off to cover funeral planning, attendance, and legal matters.
• Offer additional mental health services for the employee and their family.
• Implement a ramp-back plan, similar to paternity leave, to prevent a decline in productivity.
• Consider short-term leave of absence options for extreme cases of multiple deaths.

Regardless of whether employers choose to adopt these suggestions or other services, individuals must prioritize their mental health and well-being. Following the advice I've given to others as a DEI professional, I took some much-needed time off. Over the last four months, I've learned that life goes on even when you're gone. The world doesn't stop because one person has departed, and companies are prepared to replace you to ensure their continued success.

I firmly believe that our purpose on this earth extends beyond working until retirement. We are meant to enjoy and care for this world, its inhabitants, and each other. Work should be a means to live in the world, not the other way around.

"Behind the Smile" is a collection of articles focused on improving the employee experience and building an inclusive work culture. Andrea Dempsey, an experienced talent management and DEI professional, concentrates on creating equitable programs that enhance the employee experience, fostering a lasting and productive partnership between employer and employee. The thoughts expressed in this series are her own and do not represent the companies she works for.