Body Language, Master Class!

Today I will teach you some of the secrets that will make you a master of body language, this will improve your life significantly whether with your partner, in your day to day interaction with others, or in your career, as will make you a better negotiator, ahead of your opponent, and enhance your intuition which is basically a mix of your own ability to read body language and careful assessment of the situation you are dealing with.

Staring isn’t always rude!

Mothers always teach their kids that it is rude to stare. But when you negotiate a business deal, close observation of your opponent is a key to success. 

By inspecting your opponent's every physical move, you can determine whether they are withholding information or not telling the truth. However don’t stare so much that you make your opponent uncomfortable, but to be aware of his or her movements through casual glances and friendly eye contact. That will certainly give you an edge. 

So what is it to look for?

Experts in body language suggest a 2 step process:

•  First, identify a subject's mannerisms during the initial, friendly stages of a discussion. As the discussion develops, see whether your opponent suddenly adopts different behaviour. For that you need to watch people a long time to figure out their base mood of behaviour. The rapport-building stage is a valuable time to study your opponent. Why? Because that's when you get to know someone's "natural" behaviour. "If you are dealing with a very talkative executive who all of a sudden gets meek during the heat of the negotiation, then something strange is going on. On the other hand excessive enthusiasm or hyper excitement hold the same clue.

A range of nonverbal clues may serve as red flags during a negotiation. Experts suggest paying special attention to a person's hands and face.

•  Watch their breathing

Watch your opponent’s breathing, even if they ask you to check a document or read a job description, just keep your eyes on them ask them to tell you what it says. And watch the breathing, the rise and fall of the shoulders while breathing, how rapid it is.  

Even well experienced deal makers who know how to mask their expressions often betray themselves with their bodies. Watch the signs of deception. Deception is shown by such movements as covering of the mouth with the hands, rubbing the side of the nose, jerking the head quickly to the side, and leaning away from you. If these things occur when they're saying something critical to the negotiation that is significant. Although be careful as this might simply be a result of nervous tics, so approach this method with caution. 

When people lie they usually feel guilty for it and want to apologize for lying, and that shows in their nonverbal behaviour.

On the other hand, body language can sometimes help you trust a speaker. Look for welcoming gestures that seem to flow naturally, when someone opens his palms towards you, that's a sign of openness and honesty, the further the palms come out from their body, the better.

Now that you know what to look for while negotiating, beware of attributing too much meaning to every little move they make. Resist rash conclusions for someone who suddenly starts scratching or acting jittery. Don’t ever rely only on one sign, it’s a whole picture and like a picture you have to see the frame first and the surrounding.

Here are the most important aspects of nonverbal communication:

Body Aspects  

Our bodies say so much about us in many ways. Our movements indicate attitudes, and feelings. Our movement include the head, eyes, shoulders, lips, eyebrows, neck, legs, arms, fingers, orientation, hands and gestures. These pieces together can convey your level of comfort, happiness, friendliness, anxiety, nervousness and many other messages.  

With so many parts conveying messages, it is easy to get confused and find it difficult to manipulate nonverbal communication. However, we may begin using our bodies to gain more clarity and meaning.  

Studies broke down body language into several areas: proxemics, appearance, eye contact, and physical behaviour. We will now look at each of these areas closely.  

Proxemics

Proxemics is the amount of space around or between us and others. How close people position themselves to a person during a discussion indicates what type of relationship exists between the two people. This space and meaning differs from culture to culture. However here we will look at the common American/European standards.

• 0-18 inches is intimate space reserved for family and close friends

• 18 inches to 4 feet is personal space used in most interpersonal interactions.

• 4-12 feet is social-consultative space used in more formal interactions.

In some other cultures however, it is normal for people to get closer or touch each other’s shoulders as they go past you.

Appearance

Appearance is a second important factor involved with nonverbal communication.

In today’s societies, the purpose of dressing has changed from fulfilling a need to expression of oneself. Clothing communication is seen by identifying someone in a suit as a businessperson, someone wearing a black robe as a judge, doctors wearing lab coats and stethoscopes, etc.. Appearance also takes into account personal grooming. Appearance communicates how we feel and how we want to be viewed.

Eye Contact

In Italy they say gli occhi sono lo specchio dell'anima or eyes are the window to the soul, there are similar sayings in other cultures. This is very true for illustrating the power of eye contact in nonverbal communication. Eye contact often maintain, initiate, end and request communication between people. People who use eye contact expertly are viewed as confident, credible and sincere.

 Here are some guidelines of eye contact:

• If you have trouble staring someone in the eye, simply focus at something on their face or behind them.

• When speaking to a group look at everyone, avoiding focusing on just one person.                                                                                                  

• Don’t look at the floor, scripts or anything that causes you to tilt your head away from the receiver.

• Don’t look at bad listeners that may distract you.

• Look at people who are key decision makers. 

• Look at reactive listeners.

In the next part of this article published here next week, we will be learning more about how to become masters of body language, and use this very important skill, to achieve our goals, initiate and spread happiness.

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