Breaking the Cycle: A Behavior-Based Approach to Bullying Prevention

Hey everyone, I’m Dr. Paul Gavoni—most people know me as Dr. Paulie, or Paulie Gloves to those in the mixed martial arts community. I’m a former Golden Gloves Heavyweight Champion of Florida, and I’ve spent years training local, state, national, and even world MMA champions. But here’s something you might not know—a lot of those champions, including me, were bullied as kids. Bullying can happen to anyone—physically, verbally, or even online. Real confidence doesn’t come from tearing others down—it comes from lifting people up and being secure in who you are.

Over the years, I’ve learned some powerful lessons from boxing and mixed martial arts that go beyond the physical training. When you step onto the mats or into the ring, there’s a code—a foundation of mutual respect that guides every interaction. Bullying isn’t tolerated. Here’s why: people are taught to respect themselves and each other. Individuals learn to be assertive, to stand tall and protect themselves—not by hurting others but by becoming stronger and more confident. Bullies, when placed in this environment, often change. They learn discipline, empathy, and how to be better versions of themselves.

Today, I want to talk to four groups: those being bullied, those doing the bullying, peers and bystanders, and the educators who see it happening. Everyone here has a role to play, and together, we can make things better.

To Those Being Bullied

First, I want to speak to those of you who are being bullied. I see you, I hear you, and I know it hurts. The pain, the fear, the feeling of being isolated—it’s not something anyone should have to experience. But let me make one thing crystal clear: being bullied is not your fault. It doesn’t say anything about your worth or who you are as a person. It says far more about those who choose to hurt others.

You are stronger than you realize. The fact that you’re still standing, still showing up despite what you’ve been through, shows incredible courage. Here’s what you can do—and why it matters:

1. Find Safe People and Places. Seek out people you trust—a teacher, a counselor, a coach, a family member, or a friend. Share what’s happening. Why? Because you don’t have to go through this alone. There are people who care deeply and want to support you. Speaking up isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength and self-respect. And no—it’s not “snitching.” Asking for help is standing up for yourself and your right to be treated with respect.

2. Document Everything. Keep records of what’s happening, whether it’s verbal, physical, or online bullying. Save texts, take screenshots, write down incidents, dates, and details. Why? Because when you document what’s happening, you’re protecting yourself. You’re creating evidence that can help trusted adults step in and make things right.

3. Practice Assertive Communication (When Safe). Stand tall, look the bully in the eye, and use a firm voice to express how you feel. Statements like “I don’t appreciate being treated this way” show that you respect yourself. Why? Bullies often seek to control others through fear or intimidation. Responding calmly and assertively can take away some of their power. Research shows that assertiveness can also reduce the frequency of bullying as bullies look for easier targets.

4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People. Find people who uplift you—whether it’s through sports, clubs, music, art, or shared interests. Build connections. Why? Isolation makes bullying feel more intense. When you have a circle of supportive friends, it’s harder for bullies to single you out, and you’ll find strength in those connections. Research has shown that even one trusted peer or friend can significantly reduce the negative impact of bullying.

5. Take Care of Your Well-Being. Focus on what brings you joy and strength. Exercise, practice hobbies, learn new skills, and care for yourself physically and emotionally. Why? Building resilience and finding activities that make you feel good remind you that life is more than the pain caused by others. You are worth investing in yourself. Studies show that engaging in positive activities can boost self-esteem and build resilience.

6. Know That You Are Not Alone. You might feel like you’re the only one facing this, but there are so many people—both peers and adults—who want to help. You don’t have to hide your pain or carry it by yourself. Reaching out and sharing what you’re experiencing can lighten the burden and open the door for change. Remember, many others have gone through this and come out stronger.

7. Remember, This Doesn’t Define You. The hurtful words, the cruel actions—they don’t determine who you are. You are strong, resilient, and capable of so much more than what you’re going through right now. The way others treat you says nothing about your worth. Keep going. You are so much more than their words, actions, or threats.

You matter. Your feelings, your experiences, and your safety matter. There are people who care deeply about your well-being. Never forget that. Keep pushing forward, keep seeking support, and know that you are worthy of respect and kindness—always.

To Those Doing the Bullying

Now, let me talk to those of you who are bullying others. I’m not here to make you feel guilty—I’m here to challenge you to understand what’s really going on and why it matters. You see, bullying doesn’t just hurt in the moment. It can leave lasting scars that go far beyond today. It can impact how someone sees themselves, how they trust others, and even how they treat their own children years from now. The effects of bullying can ripple out, touching lives for years, even lifetimes.

Think about this: what if it were your mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, or someone you deeply care about being bullied? How would that make you feel? Would you want them to carry that pain? The way we treat others creates ripples. You have the power to decide what kind of ripple you create—one that brings more pain or one that helps lift others up. Be the person who makes a positive impact, not one that spreads hurt.

1. Self-Reflection Matters. Ask yourself: Why are you doing this? Are you trying to feel powerful? Are you angry, hurt, or maybe just looking for attention? Here’s the thing—bullying might give you a quick sense of control, but it doesn’t fix what’s really going on inside. It might distract you from your own struggles for a moment, but it doesn’t make them go away.

• Outcome Check: What are you actually getting from this? Are you gaining the attention you want, or are people distancing themselves from you? Are you taking things from others, or is it creating more enemies than respect? Are you escaping being bullied yourself by hurting someone else? Think about it. These actions might seem like a way to gain power or safety, but in the end, they often leave you more isolated, misunderstood, and distrusted.

2. Build Empathy. Take a moment and imagine what it would be like to be in the shoes of the person you’re bullying. Think about how it would feel to face those words or actions every day. Why does this matter? Because understanding the pain you’re causing doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. Empathy is a powerful tool that can help you connect with others and find better ways to express your emotions.

3. Seek Real Support. If you’re dealing with anger, frustration, fear, or insecurity, talk to someone—a counselor, a teacher, or anyone you trust. Why? Because facing what’s really bothering you takes guts, and it can change your life for the better. It means you’re brave enough to want something more for yourself and willing to put in the work to get there. Many who bully do so as a response to their own pain—there’s help to break that cycle.

4. Understand the Long-Term Impact. The habits you’re building now—hurting others to feel powerful, using aggression to solve problems—can follow you into adulthood. These behaviors can lead to broken relationships, trouble at work, and a reputation that’s hard to shake. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You have the power to change and build a future you can be proud of.

5. Channel Your Energy Positively. Instead of tearing others down, put your energy into building yourself up. Focus on a sport, an art form, music, or a skill that makes you feel strong and proud. Why? Because real confidence and respect come from achieving something on your own, not from making others feel small. Research shows that engaging in positive, structured activities can reduce aggressive behaviors and increase self-esteem.

You have a choice. You don’t have to stay stuck in behaviors that hurt others—and ultimately hurt yourself. Be better, choose change, and I believe you can become the person you truly want to be.

To Peers and Bystanders

Now, I want to talk to all of you who see bullying happening—the bystanders, the friends, the classmates who might feel like it’s none of your business. Here’s the truth: you have more power than you realize. The way you respond when you see bullying can either fuel it or stop it in its tracks. Bullies often thrive on attention, approval, or the silence of those around them. When no one steps in, it sends a message that their behavior is acceptable or even entertaining. But you can change that.

Here’s what you need to know—and what you can do:

1. Understand Why Bullies Do It. Bullies often act out of their own pain, insecurity, need for power, or desire for attention. This doesn’t make their behavior okay, but it helps explain why they do it. By understanding their motivations, you can see that their behavior is often a reflection of their struggles—not a sign of strength.

2. Don’t Be a Silent Bystander. If you see bullying happening, don’t look the other way. Silence can be taken as approval. Instead, you can speak up if it’s safe to do so. A simple, “Hey, that’s not cool” or “Leave them alone” can go a long way. Why? Because bullies often rely on the belief that no one will challenge them. When even one person stands up, it can shift the balance of power.

3. Offer Support to the Target. After a bullying incident, reach out to the person who was targeted. Let them know they’re not alone. A kind word, sitting with them at lunch, or simply asking if they’re okay can make a huge difference. Why? Bullying thrives on isolation. Your support shows the person being bullied that they have allies, which can reduce the emotional impact of the bullying.

4. Avoid Giving Bullies the Attention They Want. Many bullies act out to gain an audience or to feel powerful. Laughing along, spreading gossip, or even just watching can reinforce their behavior. Instead, walk away, change the subject, or shift attention to something positive. Why? Without an audience, bullying loses its power.

5. Report What You See. If the situation feels too risky to intervene directly, go to a trusted adult—a teacher, counselor, or administrator—and let them know what’s happening. Reporting isn’t about getting someone in trouble; it’s about preventing harm and making your school a safer place. Why? Adults can step in and address the situation in ways that may be harder for peers.

6. Be a Role Model. Treat everyone with respect and kindness, even those who might be different from you. Create an environment where bullying behavior doesn’t fit in. When you model positive behavior, others are more likely to follow. Why? Peer influence is powerful. When you set a positive example, you encourage others to do the same.

7. Form Allies and Stand Together. If you see bullying happening regularly, band together with other peers to show that it won’t be tolerated. There is strength in numbers. When a group stands up against bullying, it sends a clear message that it has no place in your school.

Remember, you have the power to increase or decrease bullying through your reactions. By standing up, speaking out, and offering support, you can be a part of the solution. Together, we can create a culture where respect, kindness, and empathy are the norm—and where bullying has no place to hide. You might think one person can’t make a difference, but you absolutely can. Your actions matter. Be the change. Be the support someone needs. Be the reason bullying stops.

To Educators and School Staff

To all the educators out there, thank you for what you do. You’re on the front lines, and your influence matters more than you know. When it comes to bullying, your role is crucial. I know you’re busy, overwhelmed, and managing countless responsibilities. It can be tempting to turn a blind eye to subtle behaviors—eye rolls, whispered insults, quiet exclusion—because they seem small compared to bigger issues. But these "small" actions are often the roots of something much larger and more harmful.

You need to be vigilant. Create and enforce a zero-tolerance policy for all forms of bullying, no matter how subtle. Think about this: If it were your own child facing these behaviors, would you want someone to step in? Defaulting to "kids will be kids" when you see these acts sets the stage for bullying to grow and thrive. Don’t tolerate it. Intervene, speak up, and make it clear that respect is not optional—it’s the standard. Show every student that you’re here to protect and support them, and that your school is a place where everyone belongs.

1. Set Clear Expectations and Consequences. Make sure students know that bullying is unacceptable and lay out clear, consistent consequences. Why? Predictable rules and accountability help create a culture of respect and safety.

2. Model Respectful Behavior. Treat students, colleagues, and parents with respect. Why? Kids learn from what they see. When they see adults demonstrating respect, it becomes the norm. Research shows that modeling positive behaviors can significantly impact school culture.

3. Intervene Immediately. When you see bullying, step in quickly with calm, clear communication. Why? Addressing it on the spot sends a strong message that bullying isn’t tolerated and can stop patterns of behavior.

4. Create Safe Reporting Systems. Make it easy for students to report bullying, whether it’s in person or online. Use anonymous reporting tools, open-door policies, and regular check-ins. Why? Students need to know they’ll be heard and supported without fear of judgment.

5. Reinforce Positive Behaviors. Catch students being kind, inclusive, or helpful, and acknowledge it. Why? Reinforcing positive behaviors makes them more likely to continue. Build a culture where respect and kindness are valued and rewarded.

6. Address Online Bullying. Teach responsible online behavior and set up systems for reporting and managing cyberbullying. Why? Online bullying can be just as harmful, if not more, but proactive measures can limit its impact.

7. Teach Conflict Resolution Skills. Offer tools for students to manage conflicts without aggression. Use role-playing, workshops, and teach practical de-escalation techniques. Why? Giving students the skills to resolve conflicts reduces incidents and empowers them.

Closing

Bullying doesn’t have to define anyone’s story. To those being bullied—stand strong and know you’re not alone. To those doing the bullying—you can change, and you have the power to do better. To the educators—your actions shape the school environment. Let’s choose to support, to stand up, and to create a world where everyone feels safe, seen, and respected.

Thank you. Let’s step up together and make the change we want to see. Click here for the podcast version of this Newsletter, or the link below to access the YouTube version!

About the Author

Specializing in human performance, coaching, and organizational leadership, Dr. Paul "Paulie" Gavoni is a behavior scientist and educator who has worked across education and human services for almost three decades. In this capacity, he has served the needs of children and adults through various positions, including COO, Vice President, Director of School Improvement, Leadership Director, Professor, Assistant Principal, School Turnaround Manager, Clinical Coordinator, Therapist, District Behavior Analyst, and Director of Progam Development and Public Relations at PCMA. Dr. Gavoni is passionate about applying Organizational Behavior Management (OBM), or the science of human behavior, to make a positive difference in establishing safe, productive, and engaging environments that bring out the best in faculty and staff so they can bring out the best in the learners they serve. He is an active board member of the Opioid Awareness Foundation and World Behavior Analysis Day Alliance.

Known for his authenticity and practical approaches, Dr. Gavoni is the host of the Top 1.5% globally ranked Crisis in Education Podcast and a sought-out speaker at various Educational and Behavior Analytic Conferences Internationally. He a the Wall Street Journal and USA Today best-selling co-author of The Scientific Laws of Life & Leadership: Behavioral Karma; Quick Wins! Accelerating School Transformation through Science, Engagement, and Leadership; Deliberate Coaching: A Toolbox for Accelerating Teacher Performance; and MMA Science: A Training, Coaching, and Belt Ranking Guide. Dr. Gavoni is proud to introduce OBM and Applied Behavior Analysis to worldwide audiences through his numerous publications and his work with PCMA to create productive, safe, and positive cultures.

Beyond his work in education and human services, Dr. Gavoni is also a former Golden Gloves Heavyweight Champion and a highly respected striking coach in combat sports. Coach “Paulie Gloves,” as he is known in the Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) community, has trained world champions and UFC vets using technologies rooted in the behavioral sciences. Coach Paulie has been featured in the books Beast: Blood, Struggle, and Dreams a the Heart of Mixed Martial Arts, A Fighter’s Way, and the featured article Ring to Cage: How four former boxers help mold MMA’s finest. He is also an author who has written extensively for various online magazines such as Scifighting, Last Word on Sports, and Bloody Elbow, where his Fight Science series continues to bring behavioral science to MMA. Finally, Paulie was also a featured fighter in FX’s highest-rated show at the time, The Toughman, and as an MMA coach in the Lifetime reality series Leave it to Geege.

Disclaimer: All ideas presented are original to the author. ChatGPT has been used solely to enhance the reading experience.