Brief Reflections After a Fall in Public

Falling in public is never cool. I should know as I am prone to falling.

While in London, I fell as I walked to a nearby bus stop. Along the way, my gaze was held by an enthralling architectural design, steps rising from the ground and leveling back into the sidewalk like water spouts. I was enjoying dancing across the pavilion on these steps. Suddenly, I noticed a coffee shop and started thinking about Chai Latte.

Fall. I stopped dancing and missed a step. I fell forward as gracefully as I could. I caught myself in a push-up position. I pushed myself back up, clapped the dust off my hands, and prepared to walk it off. When I turned around, I saw nearly a dozen onlookers who seemed stunned by the spectacle. Their concern may suggest that there might be a slight difference between how I imagined I recovered and what it looked like in real life. However, I will stick with my version until a video confirms otherwise.

This fall was different. I noticed everyone watching me recover in shock and was motivated to move on quickly. As I turned away, I registered someone, an elderly lady, asking me to stop.

Stranger: "Sir. Can you hold on a minute?"

Me: "I am fine."

Stranger: "I understand. Can you just look at me?"

Me: (In my head.) "Why is this person acting like they know me?"

Stranger: "I am right here."

Me: (Looks at the person.)

Stranger: "There you are. Are you okay?"

Me: "I am fine."

Stranger: "I know. Can you scan your body? No bumps, scrapes, or bruises? Any blood?"

Me: "Nope. I'm good."

Stranger: "Everybody thinks that after a fall, they must quickly get along with it. It's okay to give yourself some time."

Me: (Staring in amusement at the older woman.)

Stranger:  "Just talk with me for a minute. Where are you from?"

Me: (I dread this question as a Black American who has spent time trying in earnest to answer it.) "Virginia in the US. And you?"

Stranger: "I was born and raised here in London."

Me: I laughed. "And this is why I come to London, not Paris."  (Sorry for the shade, all my Parisian friends.)

Stranger: "You were headed this way? Let's walk together."

Me: "Maam. First, what is your name?"

Stranger: "Sue. My name is Sue."

Me: "Ms. Sue, thank you for this kindness."

Ms. Sue: "No. Thank you for YOUR kindness."

We walked and talked together until our paths diverged.

I went to London to learn about the science of happiness. I talked with practitioner scholars, therapists, and economists. I learned a lot. However, this exchange between two humans with two very different lived experiences has stuck with me the most.

I will continue reflecting on it as I reenter my working life. There are a few lessons for now:

1. After a fall, getting back up is necessary. Many of us learn that we need to get back up quickly with a determination to do something better next time. We learn that waiting for or expecting help to get up is not wise. I still believe this to be true. As I get older, though, I am learning that accepting help can be life-changing if offered during that time. Life-changing for you and the other person.
2. "It's okay to give yourself some time" after a Fall to recover. How quickly you get up is simply a statement about SURVIVING--surviving pain, embarrassment, and humiliation. Surviving is a necessary and culturally informed construct. How thoughtfully you recover, instead, is about THRIVING. Thriving, too, is culturally informed. We should be thinking about both. 
3. Only in a slowed and reflective mind state can you notice a real offer of support. You don't want to miss this. Thanks, Ms. Sue.

I hope these brief reflections are helpful. More to come. In the meantime, How has your experience of falling and getting back up changed you?

In shared humanity,

Michael Gerard Mason