Building Effective Relationships in Business

While attending an insurance conference recently I was asked to participate in a Q&A panel called Ask the Experts where I was pinpointed as being very effective at networking and building relationships. I was then asked to provide some actionable steps someone can take to be better at relationship building in business. After giving a short, but effective response I wanted to expand on it more, and therefore in this article you'll find some excellent information on some simple steps you can take to truly build a vast network full of deep relationships that will allow you to elevate your business as well as the business of others.

No One Cares How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care.

We've all heard this old adage before, and as cliché as it may sound it is absolutely and unequivocally spot on. The first step in building effective relationships in your business is that you must genuinely and authentically care about people. This is one of those things that you cannot "fake it until you make it." If you do not sincerely care about the well-being and success of others you should cease reading this article immediately and go gaze in the mirror at your own reflection.

By definition caring is someone or something that shows kindness and concern for others. A person who is concerned about others and who does kind things for them is an example of someone who would be described as caring. Insert care emoji. But how do we effectively show someone that we care? Maya Angelou wrote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. In other words, if we want to build a positive relationship with someone, we need to invoke positive emotions. Feelings of love, happiness, admiration and appreciation. We'll know we've accomplished this when we see someone smile as a direct effect of our actions.

Listen, Observe and Learn

In general, people love to talk about themselves. They'll tell you everything you want to know about them, their mate, their children, their pets, their business, their hobbies, their needs, their wants, their likes and their dislikes. If you let them, they'll basically tell you everything you need to know about how to build a relationship with them and how to invoke those positive emotions that can help deepen the relationship.

When you're spending time with people whom you want to strengthen that relationship, listen close and observe what they're saying, what they're doing, and what they're responding to. You'll find nuggets that you can act on. You'll find common ground and common interests. You'll discover what they're fans of, and how they enjoy spending their time. What are they wearing? What are they saying? What are they doing? Where are they going? Pay attention closely and you'll find a treasure trove of information you can use to make that person smile. When you're done engaging with them, write that information down so you don't forget it.

Take Action and Give of Yourself

Now that you've taken time to learn about someone, it's time to act on what you've learned, and this will require you to give of yourself. To genuinely show that you appreciate someone and to invoke the positive emotions needed to deepen the relationship, sacrifice must be made on your part. But what should you be giving? Your time? Your effort? Your money? Your attention? Generally, any of these will suffice, but you'll ultimately want to give in a way that reflects what you've learned about them that will invoke the proper emotion.

If you've taken time to read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know that there are five unique ways to express your appreciation of someone, Those five languages are: Word of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. While all of these can be utilized to help build relationships, we'll be focusing on only four of them that can easily be practiced to help build and strengthen your relationships. Physical Touch, while useful, requires extra caution. Although there are people in my business network where the relationship has gotten deep enough that hugs are being feely given, you must be careful, because depending on someone's personality, they very well may not appreciate being hugged by you. However, the remaining four languages work great as they all require that you've listened and understood various means to express your appreciation.

Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation are the base level but very effective. You can very easily express this language with a phone call, a well written note, or thank you card. Or, you may just need to look them straight in the eye, compliment them, and tell them how much you appreciate them. Recently I challenged a group of agents to identify the people in their network they care about most and why, and then to contact those people and tell them. The response from those phone calls was overwhelming, and it's such a simple gesture of just reaching out with kind words.

A friendly competitor of mine is an absolute expert at this. For each of his business associates that he values and wants to show them, he will take the time to tell them how much he appreciates them with a simple hand written note or thank you card. When we first became aware of one another and learned that we both had a strong reputation in the business, I referred someone to him I knew he could help. He then took the time to send me a hand written card of how appreciative he was of my referral, and our relationship, even as competitors, has blossomed. We both continue to refer to one another and in spite of being competitors, we continue to work toward lifting each other up, and therefore have an excellent relationship.

Quality Time

Quality Time can be difficult if you're a busy professional, but making time to spend with a business associate or friend at lunch or dinner, or at an event, can be an impactful way to express your appreciation and show them you care. Your time is valuable to you, and any attentive person knows this. So when you give your time freely, they'll understand that regardless of all your responsibilities that pull on your time, you're making a sincere effort to set aside time dedicated to them. Often they're so thankful that you took the time to personally spend with them, they'll thank you by picking up the tab. That's a win for everyone!

Look for time in your busy schedule that you have open, even if just a small time frame, and book it for people you want to grow with. Even if it's just a phone call, it's 10 minutes of dedicated attention that makes for a great moment to listen and learn more about this person as you build into the final two, more committed languages.

Acts of Service

Acts of Service are a bit deeper as not only does this require you to sacrifice time, but effort as well. What does this person need help with? Are you paying attention to this and looking for the opportunity where you can step in and make an assist? It could be something as simple as helping someone solve a problem, introducing them to someone else that can assist them in an area of expertise they need help on, or as big as helping them move - the ultimate test in friendship. But it does require you to be attentive, identify the need, and step in to offer help.

As an example, just recently someone who's business relationship I appreciate greatly, was speaking at an event where he would be making an offer to the attendees for his coaching and consulting services. Since I've benefited from his services and am generally a solid public speaker myself, I volunteered to introduce and edify him to the crowd before he got up. This went over swimmingly. He was well received by the group, gave a solid presentation, and booked numerous coaching clients. In return, I got a sincere thank you and saw our friendship in business grow even stronger.

Receiving Gifts

Finally is the language of Receiving Gifts, or from our point of view, the Art of Gift Giving. While people may vary in how well they receive many of the other languages, I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't appreciate a very well thought out gift. The gift, need not be expensive, but it ultimately needs to be unique in order to invoke the proper positive emotion. It needs to display again that you were listening when they told you some of their favorite things during casual conversation.

About two years ago I had learned that someone I worked with for quite a while, and whose business I was very appreciative of, was a big fan of the Michigan Wolverines, and more specifically Coach Jim Harbaugh. Knowing this, I wanted to find a unique gift that he would truly appreciate as a token of my gratitude. I took some time to search and found a high quality lithograph of the coach, that I had matted and custom framed to include an engraved plate with a success quote from the coach. In total, it created a completely unique, one-of-a-kind piece of artwork that he could proudly display in his office. He tells me he gets compliments on it regularly, and needless to say, we have become dear friends. Our relationship has gotten stronger and he goes out of his way to find ways to continue doing business with me.

It's a Relationship Business

While I can't speak for all businesses, it's certainly true that sales, and more specifically insurance is a relationship business. And in all honesty, I believe it is true for all professions. The more broad your network and the deeper your relationships are, the more successful you'll be, as you'll always have a network of people who you can rely on to help elevate you since in turn, you're also looking out for them.

Within the insurance space specifically we have a multitude of relationships to manage. At surface level you have the relationships with your customers. This is the obvious one, because if you're not building at least some form of relationship with your customers you'll have trouble maintaining them long-term. You also have the relationships with your downline agents that need to be nurtured in order to grow your team and build a successful organization. Without a solid relationship here they'll have trouble buying into your vision. There is the relationship with your upline or broker that can be cultivated to help make doing business easier for you. There is the relationship with the insurance companies for whom you sell, which if not managed properly, could lead you to having no companies to sell for. And finally there is the outer band of relationships with your coworkers, colleagues, competitors, referral partners and providers that can be deepened to help you in an assortment of ways from sharing ideas to help increase success, to developing referrals, favors and partnerships that can truly help take your business and that of others to a heightened level.

Being in business is tough already, and doing it all on your own just makes it even tougher. And ultimately, even if you are successful all on your own, it's no fun on the mountain top standing there by yourself with no one to share it with. I urge you to take time to develop a broader network, identify the people that you most want to cultivate a strong relationship with, and work these actionable steps to create a "dream team" of people around you that you can rely on, work with, and synergize with to reach success at the highest of levels. I guarantee you that if you take the time to nurture deep relationships within your professional network you'll find yourself moving through the business more easily and surrounded by people who will cheer you on during your entire path to the top. While it won't happen every time, most of the time when you put forth the effort, with the right people, they'll respond in kind.