Building Relationships to Stand the Test of Time
Joe Pardavila
Podcaster | Writer | Author of Good Listen | Weiner Dog Dad | NYC ✈️ Charleston
Are you looking to build a lasting romantic, professional, or personal relationship? The secret may lie in the wise words of Nobel laureate Seamus Heaney.
In a heartfelt poem to his wife, Seamus compares the foundations of marriage to the scaffolding constructed around a building:
Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;
Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.
And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.
So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me
Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
At the beginning of a collaboration or friendship, there’s always that NRE, New Relationship Energy, or ‘honeymoon phase’. We’re able to see beyond the other person’s flaws and differences.
But it’s the perfect time for that scaffolding to take shape in the form of accountability, communication, and effort.
For many, ‘effort’ is the tricky part, much like in the fantastic world of dating, where we have this internal fight about when to send a message and why they haven’t sent one.
As Seamus writes, though, there must be a commitment to ensure things don't "slip at busy points."
This means being proactive and having face-to-face conversations, scheduling quality time together, and maintaining an open line of communication, even when you get “too busy.”
Jobs, families, or responsibility can shake those critical scaffolding planks loose.
Once you get past that, you have to "tighten bolted joints" by healthily fixing conflicts and keeping promises, no matter how small.
When disagreements or letdowns happen - and they inevitably will in any relationship - they must be handled with honesty, vulnerability, and a spirit of kindness.
Letting shit bubble up and ooze and avoiding those tough talks might sound easier, but it compromises the foundation.
The scaffolding you’ve built plays a big role, but ultimately it all “comes down when the job's done."
What’s left are "walls of sure and solid stone"—a sense of security, trust, and commitment made through the ups and downs of life.
After years of investment, the supports fall away, showing the solidity and permanence of what you’ve built within.
Sure, passions ebb and flow, but that deep connection can solidify over time into an unbreakable bond.
Seamus finishes by writing, “Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall Confident that we have built our wall.”
And so it is for any couple, team, or company that weathers the storms together, building up the foundation of their relationship one brick at a time.
That early scaffolding eventually gives way, but what’s left is a shelter from the storm—a fortress for a commitment that will withstand the test of time.
Here are four ways to build the scaffolding of a relationship":
Communication Habits
Recommended by LinkedIn
Building Trust
Resolving Conflicts
Maintaining Effort
I mean, a 2 trillion dollar company was built with scaffolding.
In the early days of Apple, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak worked together in a garage and developed the first Apple computer. Like the scaffolding in Seamus’s poem, they laid the groundwork for their partnership by combining Woz’s tech acumen with Jobs’s vision.
They shared ideas, debated concepts, and collaborated on product designs. They trusted each other’s judgment and expertise, which allowed them to navigate the challenges of building a new company.
Even though there were setbacks and disagreements, Jobs and Woz resolved conflicts through a shared commitment to their goals.
Their sustained effort and dedication eventually led to the creation of iconic products like the Apple II and the Macintosh. The rest is history.
In any relationship, whether it’s romantic, professional, or otherwise, there needs to be a solid foundation of communication, trust, and sustained effort.
All of that acts as the scaffolding that Seamus so eloquently says supports a lasting, sturdy, and ultimately beautiful relationship.
I have a couple of really cool podcasts to share with you this week.
First, my chat with Bonnie Hammer on the Forbes Books Podcast. Hailed as the "Queen of Cable," Bonnie has shattered the glass ceiling in the male-dominated television industry and is paving the way for women's success.
I dive deep with Bonnie, who shares inspiration and invaluable advice. If you're in media, entertainment, or any field and seeking guidance from a trailblazing leader, this must-listen episode is for you!
You can find it on Forbes Books, YouTube, Apple, Spotify, and wherever you listen to podcasts.
And second, my talk with Gigi Robinson, M.S., BFA . Gigi is a Gen Z creator and a force to be reckoned with in the mental health and chronic illness advocacy space. But her journey to get here has been anything but easy. Growing up, Gigi was a talented kid pursuing her performing arts dreams. That is until she was diagnosed with a chronic illness that completely reshaped her path and worldview as a young person.
Gigi takes us through her health journey's raw, real, and sometimes even funny ups and downs—the challenges, loneliness, frustrations, and ultimately how she's found meaning, empowerment, and community by using her voice for good. You don't want to miss this enlightening conversation!