Be Careful with Success...It Can Be Lonely

Fame always brings loneliness. Success is as ice cold and lonely as the North Pole. - Vicki Baum

Welcome back! It's been a minute, eh? Boy, do I have so much to tell you!

I would love to catch you up on what I have been doing (especially since I have been on about 20 flights since we last had a chance to connect) but I will save that for another chat! Interestingly enough, many of you that I have spoken with in the interim break from this newsletter will know exactly why this topic is the focus for this article! Some people say "catch flights, not feelings" and as someone who catches both, I am here to tell you--the jet life isn't all sunshine and rainbows! Sometimes...it can get a little lonely, especially when you travel alone like I do.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a physical state where we are physically 'by ourselves' in time and space. Being lonely (on the other hand) is a much more intimate, emotional state of being where we actually feel the effects of being alone, disparate, or disconnected--no matter if we are physically alone or not. For those of us in this world that possess high ambitions to achieve great things, please be warned: you will most likely do most of it alone...and you will damn sure be lonely (at some point) along the way. I don't say this to scare anyone off or make it seem like my life is terribly bleak (because it is not), but more as a fair warning that everyone who has dared to push the limits of their mind, body, or soul...has done so in many navigational spaces of being alone, lonely, or both.

Granted, many of us asked for part of this, right? The straight up truth is: nobody told us that we had to be these ambitious go-getters with the severe inability to be satisfied with 'enough.' Nobody said that we would have to be these relentless chasers of perfection, fulfillment, and 'success,' but for some of us...we don't know life to be any other way; the hustle is all we know! This goes for college athletes, professors, doctors, lawyers, directors, administrators, students, dentists, business owners, and even c-suite executives! Our ambitions definitely keep us up at night...and this is not to say that we should not continue to pursue them...but more of a realization that success and loneliness usually come hand in hand!

Allow me to share a few understandings that I have come to know along this lonely road that I have traveled thus far!

1. Only those who share your struggle will get it - Look, I am one of few people who have been successful in leaving my family, hometown, and general safety blanket of people. I understand that my life is an endless series of hi's and goodbye's because as an ambitious person, I move from place to place and I am never in one place for very long. One thing I learned is: only the people who have done something similar will ever understand the struggles that I have. Only people who have been through what we have been through will understand what it is like to go to sleep at 2am and wake up at 5am to get back to the grind. Only someone who has lived the life of a college athlete can tell you how taxing that damn schedule will be. Only someone who has done a Ph.D. can tell you what the lived experience is like--and offer tips and tricks to get through it. This is not to say that we should only confide in (and listen to) people who have done what we have done, because some of us are innovators and in that space, there is no precedent. This is just to say that many of us would be better served if we stopped trying to make people understand. Some of them simply won't get it, and we would be better served to save the tough, topical conversation points for the safety of rooms where people understand exactly what we are saying...and can help us navigate to the next stage.
2. "Sorry, I can't make it" is a lonely statement - I miss everything. I miss nothing. My life is a constant battle of missing things for the sake of trading places with another and being at other events. Success can be an incredibly lonely road because quite honestly, we will always get FOMO when getting those group FaceTime/WhatsApp calls from our friends who are together at so-and-so's wedding, baby shower, promenade dance, homecoming, first steps, etc. News flash: its part of the experience. We are only human and we can only be in one place at a time. That said, we must embrace the reality that if we are going to spend our days pursuing our dreams--we must get used to those times when we feel left out of major group events. Why? Well, because we are physically not a part of the event, but that doesn't mean that we can't be a part of it in general! For example, I was able to race through the night to physically make it to the hospital on the night of my sister's first childbirth...but I have missed every other once since then. I have also missed 90% of their birthdays (she has four children, btw) and unfortunately, I will miss a great deal more along this road. We must become okay with that part as an unfortunate cost of personal progression.
3. All relationships will shift (or disappear) - This one right here...I could scream from my terrace! All relationships that we have come to know and love? They will all change the moment we start to pursue personal progression! It is quite literally undeniable. Trust me. Every relationship; familial, social, romantic, etc., will shift. It will be important to be intentional with relationships as progression occurs, which means that we will have to typically be the drivers of setting the tone of the relationship because our lives are the ones that change the most. For me, I ask most of my close people to use WhatsApp for communication because I can then stay in contact no matter where I am in the world. I also set intentional meeting times to chat with my friends all across the globe, and I know that may seem a bit 'official' or robotic to have to schedule 'meetings' with friends and family, but in my life--if it's not on the calendar, it may get lost! Imagine how I felt when I told my mom that we had to 'schedule a meeting' to chat! Hell, imagine what she said! My mom was not having it at first, but I carefully explained to her that it was imperative to our sustained relationship...and that I loved her so much that I wanted to give her my undivided attention with the scheduled time. It may seem weird to have to do that with ones own mother, but I have a wonderful relationship with my mother because of the schedule! Trust me, all relationships will shift--so we must be intentional with the ones we want to keep...because the others will fade as we move forward.
4. It's all on you, sort of - Part of this loneliness is the alone part of it. Many of the things I have done in my life...had to be done by me and me only (just as many of you have experienced for yourself). We must always remember that nobody will care about our dreams, goals, and ambitions the way that we do. Nobody will know just how much all of this means to us as people, regardless of how much we tell them or even show them. Personal progression and pursuit of success is really all on you, the person...but I say "sort of" because that does not mean that we have to do it all alone! For example, I started Siempre Sports two years ago as a solo entrepreneur who wanted to help underrepresented students get jobs in the sport industry. Very quickly, I realized two things: 1) I cannot do all of this alone because the problem I am solving is too large; and 2) it would be best for me not to try to do all of this alone because there are excellent people like Scott Thompson , Dhwanil Shah , Audrie Naranjo , Michelle Louise Maligat , Alexandria Kakiva , Herbert Sanchez , and Enrico De Munno to help me build it! In terms of the vision and overall scope, of course it is on me because it is an organization of my creation...but that doesn't mean that our progression is ALL on me! I rely on my team quite a bit and I work diligently to make sure they all have a sense of ownership in what we are doing--because we win together! It is important to understand that nobody will understand the depths of our story as we continue to write it...but that doesn't mean that we have to do it all by ourselves; every book needs reviewers, editors, designers, publishers, etc!
5. Don't let them make you feel worse - Because success can lead to loneliness and inadvertent times of being alone, it will be important for us to develop amicable boundaries and remember that we should never allow anyone to make us feel bad about the life we live--or the success we acquire. Honestly, it is important to not lose oneself along the road to success but it is equally important to not allow others to move us off of our path simply because they do not agree with how we are doing so. It is also important to remember that the journey of success will also mean that we will gain more people who may be jealous of our success, spiteful of our achievements, or unhappy with our progression for a number of reasons. They may be mad that we left, that we didn't include them, or perhaps that we did something that they failed at doing so they are spiteful...but we must not let those things stop us from doing what is in our soul. We most not allow them to block our shine because theirs have been dimmed by the world, and instead, we must be proud of our achievements without being boastful about it. There is nothing wrong with being happy that we have accomplished what we have accomplished, especially given the reality that living out ones ambitions and achieving ones dreams is something of quite rare human experiences. If we find ourselves in such a rare state of blessing, we should never let anyone make us feel bad about it!

Please do not misunderstand me; I love my life and I am incredibly thankful of all of the great experiences I have been afforded by simply following my ambitions and choosing to pursue passion over comfortability...but I am simply saying it comes at a cost! There is a tradeoff that we must be aware of and much like the ways that I instruct people (whether in class or otherwise), I just want my people to be aware of the fact that the fast life of chaotic proportions, ample travel, start ups, and ambitions...is not for the faint at heart. If anyone is to embark on this journey where one must step out on a limb--by themselves--and figure it out, we must be certain that we are sure we know what we are asking for. Quite frankly, it gets quite cold out there on the limb by ones lonesome, and if not prepared for that, it could cause massive pain and despair. I will always be the person to tell people to chase their biggest dreams and aim for the damn moon when thinking about accomplishments, but I will also always be the STREET SMART one to keep it real and let people know just how tough it is to live a life on the edge. Tread carefully, but don't be afraid! If nobody else understands, Dr. Savant does and I'll always be here to bring the real!

Success can be lonely (especially when much of the work is done alone), but surrounding oneself with a great team like mine tends to help a quite a bit! Shoutout to my team. I love y'all so much! SVO2E!

Be smooth, y'all. I have some Moët & Chandon to get to 🥂

-Dr. Savant 🌹