Changing the Conversation

Disclaimer: This article will focus on the topic of suicide. As I prepare for the July 2023 Envision Speakers Series discussion on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, my intention is to broaden and deepen the conversation and remove the stigma around mental health. Today’s story, which I have modified from the original real-life version, is given to you so that we can appreciate that suicide impacts all of us: individuals, families, and communities. 

By changing the conversation, we may be able to give people the things they need to make better choices. Let’s look at some of these:

Hope

Help

Purpose

Passion

Kinston, NC

Kinston, North Carolina is a small city of no more than 20,000 people. Probably less at the time of this posting. I lived there many years ago. I was in my mid to upper 20s, so easily twenty-five years ago. At the time, I attended a small southern Baptist church. People knew each other well, and when something happens, news spreads quickly. This was one such occasion.

Brenda, a young woman with two beautiful children, had just lost her husband Jason. The church, and the community at large, was in a state of shock because such things were not heard of. At the very least, suicide was not the topic of many discussions. Jason had taken his own life by gunshot. It was quick and (hopefully) painless. But it was a done deal. In the wake of Jason’s decision, he left behind his two children, Billy, age 9, and Susan, age 8. 

This is Billy’s story.

Help

We don’t know how to have these types of conversations. Because we don’t know how to have them, we don’t have them. Nobody ever asked Billy how he felt. As such, Billy grew up with a void . . . an emptiness . . . and lots of questions that were never answered. Only because they were never asked.

Who allows young men to ask questions about life and death?

When do we allow young men to talk about the pain they might be feeling?

How do we talk about the emptiness inside when life is filled with things to fill the void?

So, by the time Billy reached high school, he was primed. Too many years had gone by. Too much emptiness and unresolved feelings were eating away at his soul. Too many thoughts went unheeded. So, when a fellow classmate teased Billy about not having a dad, Billy lost control.

Behaviors Tell the Story

Billy grew to be like his father in many ways. He was a big kid, even throughout middle and high school. Big and broad, but not necessarily tough. Although his size was intimidating, he was no bully. He did what most other kids did in the southern part of North Carolina, he learned to hunt and fish. And as it turned out, he was good at both.

The school was shocked and could not understand how Billy put the fellow student in the hospital. It was not like Billy to do such a thing. But like I said before, years of emotion bottled up inside had to come out. It finally did. 

As a result, Billy was suspended and required to undergo a psychological evaluation. As a protective measure, due to the severity of the beating, Billy remained at home for the remainder of the school year while he underwent counseling.

Changing the Story

What happened to Billy is similar to what happens to many young men who are not given an opportunity to talk about the things that go on in their lives. When you lose your father, especially suddenly, and you are not given the opportunity to talk about it, you are left with a great loss. Emotions are a part of our existence. God gave us emotions to fully experience life on this earth. Our emotions are indicators of what’s going on inside of us. We should be permitted to express them, talk about them, and share them with others.

Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey

In my book, Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey, I give John (the main protagonist) the opportunity to become vulnerable with several different people in his journey to become a man. First, his mentor helps him talk about his feelings of fear and frustration. Second, his friend Liz challenges him to open up to her in order to build a better relationship. 

In context, and throughout the story elements of my book, I discuss the importance and value of open disclosure of emotions and feelings because doing so builds trust. And we can’t have real relationships with other people without having an element of trust. 

In fact, the first chapter of the book is titled: Uncertain is Not a Feeling. I wanted John to be able to acknowledge his emotions in order to grow into the leader . . . . the person he needed to be. John needed to learn how to express his feelings appropriately. This is something emotionally healthy people do. 

John needed to find himself. And in doing so, he needed to become fully aware of his emotions and feelings. Only by combining his feelings with his logically thinking brain could he make the right decisions for himself and his team. 

My Point

Don’t leave the conversation around emotions on the table. In the right place, and with the right people, disclose your thoughts and feelings. Find the people in your life that will allow you to be fully present in the conversation – mind, body, emotions, and spirit.

Thanks for reading!

Sponsor

In support of mental health and suicide prevention, I am donating fifty percent of received revenue from the sale of my book, Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey. Please purchase the book and share the book with others.

For sponsors of 10+ books, you also receive a free virtual workshop: Creating a Life Worth Living! 

Thank you.

About the Author

Dr. Keith McNally is host of the Question Guy Podcast! He is also the author of Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey. Additionally, Dr. McNally is a content creator, ghostwriter, and dedicated to telling stories of motivation, transformation, and impact. Walking the Path is a guide to impact leadership through a social consciousness model. If you need to step up your leadership impact or are looking for someone to help you write your leadership story (in book format), he’s the guy! In fact, he’s The Question Guy!