Clear expectations lead to stronger boundaries

The reason boundaries are hard to set, maintain, and enforce is because they are often too abstract or high-level. For example, simply stating "I'm not going to work after hours" can be difficult to uphold. When this high-level boundary is not met once or twice, it becomes easy to give up on it completely.

However, when good boundaries are accompanied by clear expectations, you know what they look like most of the time, as well as what exceptions might be made. The more specific you make your expectations, the harder it is for you and those around you to act outside of what you've agreed.

For instance, if your boundary is "I'm not going to work after hours," the specifics might include: "Before 7 am or after 5 pm Monday to Friday, and not at all on the weekends between 5 pm on Friday and 7 am on Monday." 

You can then add exceptions, such as, "this boundary will be upheld unless..."

• there is an 'extreme' level threat to the business, or
• I've made a mistake that requires urgent remediation, or
• my staff have exhausted every other option and there is a time limit to solve, or
• my manager explicitly acknowledges and agrees to my after-hours work (for an urgent task).

You might also add additional measures, such as, "this exception will..."

• take no longer than 90 minutes to complete, or
• only happens 1-2 times per month, or
• be followed by a conversation with the person afterwards (to understand how it got to the urgent stage and needed me to compromise my own boundaries).

Having clear expectations and gaining commitment, to help you hold those expectations, for the purpose of your boundaries is crucial. It allows for accountability conversations when expectations are not met or boundaries are compromised.

It's also important to know why you have a boundary set in the first place and to keep coming back to that purpose to reinforce the importance of establishing and owning the way you work. For example, the purpose for me having boundaries is "so that I have the opportunity to live a bigger life, to experience joy, happiness, fun, adventure, love, and connection with my family, alongside my work, without feeling like one is being sacrificed for the other".

Boundaries are particularly important for leaders who have busy lives both in and outside of work. They ensure that you can continue to progress in your career while also living a satisfying life and not feel guilty or pressured.

If you are yet to set a boundary, this might be an ideal exercise for you to undertake.

Need help putting in place boundaries or holding others accountable? Reach out for a chat or find a time here.

Shelley Flett is a transformational leadership trainer and executive coach who believes the journey to dynamic leadership is lifelong, it's exciting and challenging - and the most fulfilling adventure one can embark on in their career. It's a journey to take with others - to learn, to grow, to fail, to love and experience all the joy that comes with being imperfectly human - together!

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