Climbing the Ladder of Influence at Home: The First Step

Influence is incredibly dynamic. You can obtain some influence simply from having a title or position of authority such as manager, owner, or police officer. But, this type of influence is limited, because people who follow you because they “have to” only do what they “have to.”

And at home, they don't "have to." Your spouse doesn't "have to" follow you. Your children don't "have to" follow you. Your influence based on authority from the position of spouse or parent is very limited, and you will find you must develop true authentic influence based on your character if you want to have a high degree of influence with the people you love at home.

Start Climbing: Control of Self

You must start at the bottom of any ladder in order to climb to the top. The Ladder of Influence is no different. You must start at the bottom step, Control of Self. And, you must do the climbing. No one else can do it for you. No one else will do it for you.

We all have an “inner two-year-old” living inside us. Humans have a natural tendency to want to respond to the world around them and everything that happens in their world based on the emotions they have in the moment. That’s normal, but responding based on emotions in the moment generally doesn’t serve us well.

Andy Stanley reminds us, “Your feelings can be terrible leaders.”

When you were literally two years old, you may have expressed frustration, discontent, or anger by diving to the floor and pitching a temper tantrum. You may be able to get away with that behavior at two but not likely at 30. As Stephen R. Covey tells us, “When something happens, human beings have the freedom to pause and choose their response.”

The choices we make mentally and physically in response to what happens to us (stimulus) are critical because they will impact our situation, positively or negatively, short term and long term. 

You can build influence with people around you simply because you are proactive and have Control of Self, or you can lose influence if you don’t. This is easier to understand when you consider the following.

I bet you’ve never lost your temper, yelled at someone, and thought, “I think they’ll like and trust me more now!” Or, have you ever had someone get mad and blame you for something, and you trusted them MORE as a result? Most likely, the answer to this question is no. 

When you choose the right response based on your values and what will serve you best, instead of choosing a response based on the emotions of the moment, you will likely increase your influence. When you don’t choose the right response, you will likely be decreasing your influence to some degree.

This has been an excerpt from my book, The Ladder of Influence: 5 Steps for Climbing to the Next Level and Beyond. Pick up a copy for yourself or someone else!

Interested in leadership developing for your team? Find info here on my leadership training based on The Ladder of Influence.