An OkCupid founder thinks we need to calm down already about online dating
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More than a third of new marriages start online and the share of 18- to 24-year-olds who online date has tripled in three years. While some critics think these trends could be disastrous for society, Sam Yagan thinks we all just need to calm down.
On a panel at Milken Global on tech and human relationships, the vice chairman of Match Group and the co-founder of OkCupid faced a firing squad of experts who all -- for one reason or another -- are fearful of online dating. In a conversation with authors and researchers who specialize in the intersection of culture and technology, Yagan was charged with the somewhat challenging task of defending the social merit's of his business.
While his fellow panelists were quick to point out Tinder's "hook-up app" reputation or the needless energy that goes into crafting the perfect online profile, Yagan took a contrarian point of views. Rather than defend how online dating is changing human relationships, he claims that the apps aren't changing anything at all.
"The idea that we are fundamentally changing how people date is totally overblown," he said. "There is undeserved hysteria over all of this. Tech enters our lives and we all freak out and then, it is all ok."
In Yagan's mind, online dating apps like Match Group's Tinder, OkCupid and Match.com are simply facilitators of introductions. Once two people meet, the entirety of their relationship then moves offline, a reality that he thinks should put those fearful of tech's infiltration into our relationships at ease. Yagan went on to say that not only does online dating make introductions easier, they also diversify the group of people you could potentially meet.
"Everyone I know from junior high is more or less married to someone else from my junior high," he said. "What are the odds that the best person for you grew up with you? It's very low."
His fellow panelists agreed that having the opportunity to meet people from more diverse backgrounds through online dating is a good thing. Yet Sherry Turkle, the author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, pointed out that you can't ignore that how a relationship begins undoubtedly affects the relationship itself. Referencing the goal that most dating apps have of getting someone to a match as quickly as possible, Turkle said we need to continue to monitor how that is impacting our ability to relate to one another.
“We get into trouble when technology encourages us to take a relationship and turn it into a transaction," she said.
Yagan nearly rolled his eyes at this point of view. Once on the topic of society being too plugged in, some of the panelists began to discuss measures that can be put in place to curb time spent on devices. Linda Burch, the co-founder of Common Sense Media, mentioned that some companies now designate floors in their buildings that are tech free to encourage face-to-face communication. Turkle mentioned phone apps that help people develop empathetic behaviors that are found naturally. through human interaction.
To Yagan, all of these conversations are overly paternalistic and at the end of the day meaningless. "Humans need to be able to take care of themselves. If it is dumb to text when you are driving, then don’t text and drive," and the same goes for other behaviors on your phone that are having a negative impact on your life.
At the end of the panel discussion, I went up to ask Yagan a few follow up questions that he met with the same defensiveness I witnessed on the panel and in other interviews he did today. Operating a portfolio of over 45 dating brands across 38 languages and 190 countries, Match Group is clearly benefiting society according to Yagen. Entertaining any other idea is "weak thinking," he said. Yet with Match Group recently reporting revenue growth that fell short of expectations, I can't help from wonder where his prickly tone is really coming from.
"How you get to your first date is irrelevant," he said. "The next thousand dates are going to happen based on how the two of you get along."
Read more of our coverage from Milken Global here.
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8yRoger Austin, not everyone thinks bears are a great place to date either.
Associate Brand Manager | Wharton MBA
8yEven though online dating may make it "easier" to meet new people, it also takes away the human contact that may be critical for a longterm relationship. I understand that there are exceptions who have found their soulmate via online dating, but as a millenial I still think that the old-school, face-to-face dating is ideal.
Professional Musician at Alton carter
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