Communicating Effectively in Emotionally Charged Situations

Stoic Navigator to Martial Artist

Communicating effectively is crucial for Leaders.

I often have clients present with the topic of improving communication.

This client case illuminates the work I did with a client specific to communication.

You will see how we first honed in on what his topic was specifically around communication. This is key.

In this edition, I have added the practice that the client did to begin his coaching program.

Coaching Topic:

What: To enhance my ability to express myself effectively and eloquently in emotionally charged situations.

Why: 

• I want to be able to respond authentically so that I am giving the team what they deserve from me. 
• I want to show up true to myself to lead effectively.
• I want to respond in the moment instead of ruminating later – when it is less effective for me and my team or family members.

Current Way of Being in Your Topic:

 Way of The Stoic Navigator

How this has served you: 

• You have created a strong shield and defense mechanisms to protect yourself - professionally.
• Holding back in emotional situations has shielded you from potential conflict or vulnerability.
• Your current approach likely provides a sense of predictability and control in interactions.
• Limited expression might have helped you avoid misinterpretations or overreactions from others.
• Your current approach may have helped maintain surface-level harmony in relationships.
• You likely project yourself as a strong leader as you likely appear in control.

How this limits you:

• Missed opportunities for deeper connections: By not expressing yourself fully, you may be missing chances to form more meaningful relationships.
• Inability to express yourself effectively could lead to lingering tensions in personal and professional relationships.
• Suppressing emotions may result in eventual outbursts or stress-related issues.
• The constant struggle against the storm drains your energy and focus, making it challenging to maintain clarity and calmness in some interactions.
• The inability to navigate emotionally charged situations effectively could hinder your influence and impact.
• Without pushing beyond your comfort zone in emotional expression, you may be limiting your personal development and self-understanding.
• This protective stance can create barriers, preventing genuine connection and making it difficult to express vulnerability and strength.
• Your communication is likely unclear when emotions run high. 

New Way of Being:

The Way of The Martial Artist

The Martial Artist is connected to inner peace, movement, awareness, observation, and calmness.

He handles situations patiently. He channels energy in the right direction.  His vision is clear and he has the wisdom to perform automatically at the right time.

He uses all the energy in himself and the room.  The harnessing of this energy is his natural strength.

He navigates and harnesses emotional energy skillfully, maintaining balance and grace even in turbulent situations.

He skillfully and harmoniously manages various emotional elements, guiding them to create a coherent and impactful expression.

He is like a calm river, flowing steadily and smoothly even when encountering obstacles. Water can flow or it can crash. He navigates emotionally charged situations with grace and maintains composure, allowing his true message to be conveyed clearly and eloquently.

He is a steady, calming presence in turbulent emotional situations. Others are feeling this.  Through his curiosity about himself and others, he is truly the Leader.

From here we create objectives to move towards the New Way.

Developmental Objectives:

1. You have developed a perspective of curiosity about myself and others in challenging situations.  About how I am responding.  About how they are presenting.
2. You have mproved self-awareness and emotional regulation to better understand and manage your emotions during high-stress interactions.
3.  You have enhanced your attentive listening and empathy to better comprehend others' perspectives and respond more thoughtfully in emotionally charged situations.
4. You have developed a deeper resilience and confidence enabling you to maintain composure and clarity in challenging interactions.

During the entire coaching program, practices are designed through the cycles of development that lead to the client building new capacities - new muscles, so to speak.

Before beginning work on the objectives, it is important for him to become aware of his Current Way. We cannot change what we do not see.

A practice is designed for him to begin to look clearly at how he currently operates in his topic.

Here is the practice:

Self Observation Exercise

This exercise is designed to better acquaint you with your Stoic Navigator.

Please simply notice and be aware.  Please do not attempt to change your behavior.  You want to watch the Navigator in action with accepting awareness.

Do this exercise for the next 2 weeks.

Daily you will be observing yourself based on the questions below and then at the end of each day, you will take 15-20 minutes to scan through the day to take notes of what you observed. 

At the end of each week, you will also be reviewing what you have learned. 

Record your notes and observations in a notebook each day/week. 

Daily:

Observe and reflect on how you embody the “The Stoic Navigator” in your daily interactions - simply “noticing.”

Begin the Day:

• Sit quietly and set the intention to observe yourself throughout the day, noticing moments where you feel like the Stoic Navigator – resilient yet withholding. 
• Take a few deep breaths and visualize yourself as the Navigator. Acknowledge both your strength and the internal forces that influence you.

Daily Observation:

Choose 1 or 2 situations each day to be aware in a different way.  You want to observe yourself as the witness to your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.

• Pay attention to situations where you feel your ability to respond eloquently is being tested.
• Note any moments of instability or wavering in your: Confidence Communication or Presence.
• When was it happening?  How often? What was the topic?
•  Notice any feelings of frustration, self-doubt, or missed opportunities.

Daily Reflections:

At the end of the day, reflect on these questions:

When you noticed feelings of frustration, self-doubt, or missed opportunities to speak your mind:

• What did it feel like in your body?
• What internal conversations were you having? 
• What story were you telling yourself?
• What emotions were arising?

• What were the key moments where I felt like The Stoic Navigator today?
•  How did I respond to external pressures or challenges?
•  In which situations did I feel my message was not coming through clearly?
• Because I was holding back.
• Because I thought my impact might be intimidating.
• How did others react to me in these moments?

• What emotions did I experience? (e.g., frustration, self-doubt, perseverance)

• How did these experiences affect my sense of self-worth and confidence?

• What did I check to know I was doing OK in spite of it all?

•  Were there any moments where I overcame the urge to withhold some of my thoughts in a given situation?  What did I do differently in those moments? What was the impact?

End-of-Week Reflection Questions 

At the end of each week, take 20-30 minutes to review your daily notes/thoughts and answer these questions:

• What patterns did I see?  Examine the physical, emotional mental patterns 
• Were there recurring situations or triggers that caused me to feel like the Stoic Sea Captain?
• How did my experiences this week affect my perception of myself and my abilities?
• What did I notice about my confidence or sense of self-worth?
• What was my belief in how my messages were received?
• How do these patterns sustain me and what I want to accomplish? 
• What do these patterns close for me? What talents and efforts do others not get to “see” or “have”? 
• For these patterns to change… What would I have to let go of? What fear/anxiety arises when I think of letting go of some things? 
• What did I learn about myself that I did not know before?

This method elegantly breaks down steps and practices to get one where they want to be.  They include the Current Way and Transcend into the New Way.

All of the good stuff of the Current way is not lost.  It just expands. 

Let's talk about your own topics that you might be engaged with now and seem to lack the ability to sustain the change you desire. 

 ~ Sheila 

 sheila@brilliancy.us

https://brilliancy.us