Confidence & Negotiation. 1/3

Do you sometimes wonder about the importance of working on trust in the negotiations you are conducting? This is an essential question. Without confidence, forcefulness, cunning, threats and manipulation become the standard and undermine the very principle of negotiation: to reach an agreement considered fair by each of the parties involved.

In negotiation, the notion of confidence can be examined around three pillars: the negotiator's self-confidence, the other party trust in the negotiation, and the confidence each party has in the agreement reached and its effective application. This article Confidence & Negotiation will be published in three parts, the first (below) being devoted to self-confidence.

1/3: Self-confidence

Self-confidence is a crucial feeling in negotiation: it allows the individual to affirm his/her assertiveness and to reach the goal that he/she has set. You've probably met a negotiator who dazzled you with his/her charisma, and you may have thought, "Wow! What strength of character! What a presence! I would like to be like that.” Rest assured, you can improve your level of personal confidence as long as, during a negotiation, you keep the appropriate level of self-confidence: not too much, nor too little. If you’re too sure of yourself, you’ll be perceived as arrogant. If you are not confident enough, you’ll be seen as easy prey.

Be convinced: To defend a position or a point of view, one must be convinced of its merits. If you feel that you are defending a just cause, a legitimate and justified request, aligned with your personal values, you will have the necessary conviction. But be careful not to impose it on the other person in front of you: what is legitimate for you may not be for the one with whom you are negotiating. Be open to his/her arguments. Do not judge them before having heard them, and accept that the other person will also defend his/her point of view. In accepting the other person’s differing opinion, you may even invent something new.

Stay humble: If you think you are the world champion of negotiating, change your job! Bear in mind that you will never reach perfection; that would be to deceive yourself. But by all means, try to reach for perfection every day, to become world champion, through training and staying curious about everything that will allow you to improve yourself. In negotiation as elsewhere, we have never finished carving one’s stone. Each day offers the potential for learning, providing we welcome it as such.

Prepare yourself: Before uttering a word, you must be able to answer these essential questions. What is the challenge I am trying to rise to in this negotiation? What are the topics that we’ll discuss? What are the targets to reach and my breaking points on each of them? What could be the stakes at play for the opposite party? Do your homework objectively. Beware of your perception biases. In negotiation, we create a hypothesis in order to avoid false interpretations. A hypothesis is an assumption, a proposition that must be validated during the discussion. An interpretation is an attribution of meaning and becomes our version of the truth, which risks shutting us off to opportunities for action if it is wrong. You ought to make assumptions that you will attempt to validate during the discussion. If you did not do your homework in advance, your assumptions will not spring to mind once the negotiation has started.

Every negotiator is master of his/her own confidence. We don’t all have the same degree of commitment when it comes to entering a complex or tense negotiation. By being aware that you can improve your self-confidence every day, you will change the game. For your next negotiation, remember to be convinced, stay humble and get ready. The results will follow naturally.

What about you, do you trust yourself when you enter negotiation?