Conversations : "The Magnificent Seven"

What could be the ingredients for a “good” conversation?

A meaningful conversation is worth the equivalent of reading a 100 books, or so a saying goes! When my friend asked me this morning, “What makes a good conversation?”, it set me thinking. Pondering over a steaming cup of coffee in my balcony overlooking the busy and dusty road laced with greenery on either side, I set about jotting a few thoughts down and came up with a simple list of seven, though they may not appear “magnificent” in the real sense. However, on reflecting, I have found that over the years, dialogues blended with the following dimensions are generally conversations worth having.

1.    Topic

The subject, is of course the start-point for a meaningful conversation. Needless to mention, the topic needs to be of mutual interest, with both parties to the conversation willing to invest their time, and energy in the process

2. Stake

Both parties need to have some stake in the outcome(s) of the conversation. The outcome could also be feeling positive at the end of it, even if nothing tangible is achieved.

3. Questions

Both parties need to ask questions. There needs to be a quest in most if not all the questions. A question can lead or link to a related “not-yet-touched-upon” angle, or change track into a new topic altogether. (A well-framed question has the potential to trigger the nerve cells in the neocortex and engage the individual to different extents.)

4. Commonalities and Differences

During the conversation, trying to find common ground at the beginning of the dialog, especially when if the two parties are strangers to each other, helps, e.g. common friends, acquaintances, places, objects, hobbies, culinary tastes, movies, cultural elements etc. As familiarity and comfort levels increase gradually during the course of the conversation, it could be useful to  exploring differences in thought and opinion.

5.Humor

Occasional humour that arises spontaneously energizes the flavor of the conversation; a few deep laughs give a positive spin to the environment!

6. The  three “T” factors

Tone, Text and Timing, the three “T” factors (often taken for granted in mutual interactions), are of vital importance that impact the quality of conversations. Mismanaged treble can invite trouble. Vocabulary is often misused, leading to unintended communication errors and misunderstandings. Sensing the appropriate moment in the course of the conversation to introduce a point, make a suggestion, pose a query or propose an idea is an intuitive art that gets refined with experience.

7 The "Peak-end Rule"

The close-out of any conversation, whether a finite conclusion of sorts is reached or not, should generally end on a high or positive note with a segway to the next mutual interaction; the basis for this proposition is the “Peak-end Rule” (Ref. Daniel Kahneman’s book, Thinking Fast and Slow”). People tend to vividly remember and judge the quality of a movie or a story more by its finale, according to this maxim.

In summary, keeping the seven simple dimensions in mind before engaging with another individual could help in influencing the quality of any interaction, especially in an age where first impressions are almost everlasting. After all, in today’s world, where reputation may be more valuable than identity, meaningful conversations help to create the former or reinforce the latter.

Note: Views expressed in this article are purely personal and are not intended to represent or have a reflection on any other entity, group or individual.