Course of Action (What to do)

On October 7, 2020, current Vice President Kamala Harris made history with these simple, yet powerful words: “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking.” She became the poster woman for how to assert yourself when someone so rudely speaks over you. She showed us how to stand in our power.

 I must admit that there were countless times in my career when I wished I’d had the nerve to say something like “I’m speaking” in a room full of white guys every time they acted as if I was invisible. I wish I could now go back to those shrinking violet moments and be like Vice President Harris – or like my friend Congresswoman Maxine Waters – and reclaim my time.

 Joanna Wolfe, an English professor at Carnegie Mellon who researches equity in gender communication and the role gender plays within it, says, “The research is pretty clear: While both sexes interrupt, men talk and interrupt more often than women. Some of that is because society has accepted that it’s normal and natural that men tend to talk more.” Wolfe goes on to say that some men are not even aware they are interrupting because doing so has been seen as less of a violation for them.

 Like Vice President Harris, I believe it is up to us to learn what to say when we are being talked over at work, whether in the board room or the conference room. There are different types of people who interrupt and reasons why they do it. You’ll want to be prepared with multiple strategies to combat them all. For example, there is the casual interrupter or the chronic interrupter, and they may be interrupting because they are actually trying to be supportive and affirming of you, or because they are creative and have ideas they want to share. These interrupters may even increasingly have ADHD or are just insensitive work bullies. Take some time to evaluate when and how you are being interrupted and choose from the toolkit of responses below to make sure you are heard.

Use silence

Silence is golden. When someone begins to speak over you, rather than raise your voice or keep talking, you may simply stop talking, lean back, wait for that person to stop talking and then allow a few beats of silence to fill the room as punctuation to the point you are making, which is: I was speaking. And now that you have finished, I will resume.

Ask for attention

This technique works well with the chronic interrupter. Before you begin speaking, you may offer something like “I know there may be questions or thoughts about what I will present today, but I would appreciate it if you all could hold your comments until I have completed my thoughts.” With this type of language, you are setting expectations and boundaries, and hopefully everyone in the room will adhere to them.

Use body language

Naturally, you are not going to give anyone “The Hand” while at work. However, a gentle palm placed on the table in the direction of the interrupter might be just enough of a signal for them to halt speaking over you. You may also try turning your body away from that person and directly addressing those who are not interrupting you. I would highly caution you on using these techniques unless you have finessed them because you could appear unintentionally rude yourself. 

Ignore it

Sometimes, your co-worker (or your boss!) does not actually realize they are interrupting you. They could be supporting you; they could be deeply engaged in what you are saying and are merely in a state of interacting with you. This type of interruption is more common with the casual interrupter. In these instances, you can feel free to just ignore the interruption and in your own way, keep talking. Simply talk over them. Again, this is going to require some finesse from you to avoid a slowly escalating shouting match.

“Kamala Harris” It (Be direct)

Somehow, because I just love our VP, this might be my favorite tactic. As women, first you must accept and believe that we are allowed to be direct! As our VP has shown, we can do so politely and without malice. Merely saying “I am speaking” will quickly grab the attention of everyone in the room, and the floor will be yours.

As women moving up in this world, there is no room or time for us to allow ourselves to play small – in any situation. But, just to play it safe to avoid being painted as “The Angry Black Woman” as we ascend, I do encourage you to practice lowering your voice and softening your tone when you add any of these tactics into your tool kit of power strategies. Then keep on speaking my sisters!

Level Up with Grace is a weekly newsletter designed to equip Black women (and others) who want to unapologetically create a stellar career with the strategies, insights, and techniques needed to excel in corporate America. Executive coach Cheryl Grace shares a curation of thoughts, articles, profiles, trends, and tactics that can help women advance to their next professional level, wherever they are on their career journey. Weekly emphasis on Confidence, Curiosity, Case Studies (Personal Profiles), Connection (Networking), or Course of Action (What to DO). Please subscribe and/or share!

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