Discovering Your Grit and Finding Your Strength

I have learned a lot of lessons over the years: be kind, give back, pay it forward, treat others how you want to be treated, put sunscreen in your hair. But perhaps one of the most valuable lessons is one I didn’t realize I was even learning at the time: grit. 

Perhaps you’ve heard people talk about grit. Angela Duckworth out of the University of Pennsylvania speaks extensively on the topic – with an emphasis on looking at school-aged kids and their propensity to thrive, she defines grit as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals,” arguing that those with grit are more likely to succeed. 

Grit is our story – who we are, where we’ve been, the challenges we’ve overcome and the lessons we’ve learned.  I believe it’s a trait that develops and is realized over time, because our experiences have the power to transform our lives. For example, learning to live with—or battling—an illness, witnessing your parents go through divorce or experiencing one of your own – these experiences shape who we are, they teach us lessons, shape the way we approach future challenges, and ultimately give us strength (though we may not realize it at the time) to move forward. Grit is ultimately overcoming our “default” reactions and habituating earned responses. Our “grit factor” comes when we take the strength gained from overcoming adversity, acknowledge its presence (which is why we sometimes don’t recognize it at first), and  “reframing” it – using ”grit” to overcome future challenges as well as propel us forward in our daily lives. With tragedy and “failure” comes action; and while we may not be able to control the circumstances that led to the situation, we can immerse ourselves in the learnings of the situation and grow from it… creating change! 

My grit—or differently stated… my strength, realized over many years—is my ability to thrive under pressure while managing a crisis, and I have leveraged that to help clients navigate some of their most challenging moments in the wake of disruption. In cybersecurity, the problems we help solve are some of the toughest in existence—often you must solve for problems that have never been seen before or may not yet exist. Our work is time sensitive and there is a low threshold for error – which is why people who  have a passion for turning challenges and opportunities into long-term competitive advantages, while being intensely focused on the goal, are critical on any cyber team.

Grit is our story – who we are, where we’ve been, the challenges we’ve overcome and the lessons we’ve learned.

Grit is often developed out of challenges and for me – that was the death of my mom when I was a teenager. And while this trait was not evident at the time, I have found grit (and the at times painful) self-awareness it took to get there) to be one of the greatest payoffs of my life.

Caring for a sick parent and then experiencing that loss, especially at a young age, impacts your life in ways you would never imagine. At the time, I personally had no idea how to handle the challenge of watching my mother die and, even more terrifying, living without her. Now full disclosure, I didn’t always handle it well, I felt defeated, I made mistakes (which also had an impact on how I viewed the world… more on that another time), I lacked focus—a common accompaniment to grief—and rather than mourn I compartmentalized my feelings. After all death is complicated – let alone for a teenager fighting with the messiness of life. It wasn’t until many years later when I was able to truly mourn for my mother – talking about the loss; remembering the person who died; sharing memories and stories; feeling my feelings without trying to suppress, repress, or numb myself; and creating a new relationship or bond with her memory. And at that moment, I started to understand my grit. The challenge and the growth come from learning to live with the joy and sorrow of life side by side – finding both grief and grace.

Although I did not know it at the time, the ability to disassociate myself, creating a “safe place,” from the intense stress, allowed me to develop a sense of mental calmness in the face of chaos that has enabled me to navigate both personal and professional stressors, like helping clients combat cyber threats. I am not saying this way of coping was right—or wrong—but it was my way of internalizing a life-altering event, and it greatly impacted who I am today. My goal was simply to survive in this world without my mother. And over time, and a lot of self-reflection, I’ve come to realize that I was developing life skills—or grit—which helped me regain focus to move on one day at a time.

My grit got me here (and continues to take me places – but I digress… for now). For the last 25 plus years, I have leveraged my grit to work with clients – to keep calm when they fear the worst and to show them the big picture and help them see the journey ahead when they are focused on the here and now. My grit gives me the courage to speak up and speak out – empowered to advocate for myself or on behalf of others. I think a person’s grit is one of their most important attributes, even if it’s something they don’t yet understand. If you take a step back to think about what skills you bring to the table, traditional “book smarts” or purely academic success is not what defines you, it does not give a complete picture of who you are or what you’ve done. There’s more – there’s grit.   

I wasn’t born with this notion of grit. And I’m still not as gritty as I intend to be tomorrow or the next day. That’s because grit—like wealth, wisdom, love, artistic skill or anything else worth having—is not a static commodity – it constantly fluctuates throughout our lives. 

Ultimately, those who take the time to understand their experiences, what they have gained from them (and even what they have lost), and apply these learnings in the future are better able to transcend the hardship and excel—often finding the power within their own strengths. Understanding my own grit has been transformational to my personal growth. And don’t get me wrong – anniversaries and life moments are difficult, but when I close my eyes and think of my mother, I’m humbled by her grace and grit, and I couldn’t be more humbled by my own evolution – I’m a fighter because of her. There is more to cover on this topic – but I will save that for another post. For now, I ask – have you taken the time to understand and realize your grit – it might just be your most powerful resource!