Doctor, What would you do if this were your child?
Anthony Orsini, D.O.
Physician, Keynote Speaker, Author of the Book "It's All in the Delivery", and Podcast Host
"Doctor, what would you do if you were me?"
As physicians, we often encounter this question when patients and families face difficult decisions. Many healthcare providers feel uncomfortable with it, and that’s understandable. Medical training emphasizes the importance of remaining unbiased and ensuring that patients make autonomous decisions about their healthcare, free from external pressure. In fact, the principle of informed consent rests on the idea that patients should receive clear information and feel empowered to choose their own path.
In medical school, I was taught to respond to such inquiries with, "Well, I am not you, so you should do what feels right for you." But doesn’t that seem like an odd response from someone expected to be the expert in the room? It certainly does to me.
As healthcare providers, we have a duty to offer our expertise, knowledge, and experience to patients who are faced with difficult decision.
When a patient asks, "What would you do if it were your child?" it is one of the highest compliments that you can receive. It signifies that I have developed rapport, gained their trust, and earned their respect. This is the keystone for successful healthcare.
So, the next time a patient poses the question, take it as a compliment and embrace it as a acknowledgment of your role and the trust you have built. Respond with honesty and compassion, while affirming that the ultimate decision rests with them—and that you will respect whatever choice they make.
Executive Director HCPS, Clinical Medical Ethicist, Legal Nurse Consultant, Fellow-Institute of Medicine Chicago
2moWhen patients ask this question, it tells me they do not know HOW to make that decision. Usually, a helpful answer is, " I make that decision based on (my values and goals). Because I would want (this outcome) I would choose (this option). The next steps would be how to weigh the risks, benefits and burdens of each option and how they would affect the values and goals of the treatment. Then it helps them if you ask them what their answers to each of those questions would be, reminding them that when you think like that, it helps you make the best decisions, not only for that treatment option, but others as well." They will learn from you, HOW you make decisions that are right for YOU, so THEY can make decisions that are right for THEM.
Co-founder, Medisense Healthcare
3moDr.Orsini, I like the fact that you pick most sensitive topics to talk about in such an easy manner. In most cases, parents ask this question because they are unable to make an informed decision even though all facts have been stated. Good luck and keep writing!!
Healthcare Leadership, Consulting, Speaking, and Training, Coaching, DISC Consultant, Customer Experience
3moYes, when we trust our doctor, this question is powerful. I admire doctors who embrace giving their personal thoughts and value their input. It has such meaning because it is combined with the knowledge of their mind and training, as well as the wisdom from their heart and our relationship.
Clinical Nurse Specialist
3moSuch an important post. Thank you for sharing
Managing Director at The Orsini Way
3moI have had to ask this kind of question more times than I care to say. When a doctor refuses to answer, it makes me sad that they can’t or won’t put themselves in my shoes even for a moment.