Domestic Violence - The Silent Killer

I was 13 when I first met my abuser. He was my high school sweetheart. He was a dropout, 5 years older than me. My whole family accepted him and invited him in, eventually letting him move into our family home. He shared a room with my brother but yet snuck into my room every night and forced himself upon me. I was so young and didn't understand as a teenage girl what in the hell was going on. The attention he paid to me seemed real but then it turned into something ugly. I couldn't wear certain clothes to school. I couldn't hang around my friends. I was no longer allowed to ride the school bus. I would have to either walk to school or get a ride from him. He would show up during lunch just to make sure that I was following his orders. One day in the house, he put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me. I told my parents and they did nothing. Not long after that, he slapped me in the face after I told him that I wanted to spend some time with my friends. I was stunned and I jumped out of a moving car. Not long after that, he brought my mother back up to that corner and she ridiculed me by telling me to get back in that car and to stop acting like a child. She chose to hear him over my cries. No one ever listened to my side of the story so I gave up trying and just fell into a more abusive pattern. A marriage, more physical, sexual and emotional abuse from him every day. Losing a child. I couldn't go to my family because they never heard me. No big brother running to the rescue of his little sister. No father wanting to kill the man that harmed his daughter. No mother who could offer her arms of support to me when I desperately needed it. My voice was always silenced. When someone is beaten down so far emotionally and they feel like they don't have a support system, it's very difficult to get out of an abusive situation. It took him drawing my blood for me to finally wake up and strike back. I am one of the lucky ones. I'm still alive to tell the tale. So many aren't. Domestic abuse Knows No Boundaries and it doesn't discriminate. Anybody can be a victim. It crosses all sexes, races and generations. Don't sit back and criticize someone wondering why they couldn't just walk away. It's not that simple. In my case, I was very much alone and had nobody. I've worked with many people who have gone through abusive situations and even when I helped them get out, some went back. It broke my heart to see that but until they are ready to leave, they won't. You're emotionally beaten down and sometimes have no means of support financially or otherwise. You feel helpless so you go back. It's difficult to understand but unless you've been in that mindset, you wouldn't be able to relate. In my case, my family never spoke up in my defense and that was a hard pill to swallow. If you see something, say something. Don't just keep your mouth shut. Protect those you love and your family because sometimes we never know what goes on behind closed doors. If someone comes to you and tells you that there is something bad going on, don't tell them to go back and work it out. Let them express what's happening and be that shoulder to lean on. For every case that gets reported, there are dozens of others that don't. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced some form of domestic abuse from a partner. We talk about this all the time and yet nothing seems to ever solve this problem. Another case hits the headlines and everyone goes crazy. It's time to change the narrative when it comes to domestic abuse and domestic violence. It's time to hold people accountable for their behavior and to stop protecting these abusers. It doesn't matter if they are friends or family members. If they are doing something wrong, say something or do something. Give your children the space to feel safe if they are under attack from someone who is abusing them. Listen to them and don't dismiss them. My heart goes out to Gabby's family and so many other families who have lived through the domestic abuse cycle that has taken the life of their loved one. Just heartbreaking.