Don't be afraid to be alone.

(This is part of what is probably going to be an actual book called The Maxfieldian Manifesto. It's around 12,000 words so far and if it makes it to 25,000, then I suppose it'll be a book.)

Take off by yourself for a month or two. 

Talk to yourself.

Talk to God, any one of them you like, or all of them at once.

Talk to the trees and listen for a response. At some point, you’ll get comfortable with yourself. You come into this world alone and leave alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely.

Go walk across Ireland or a mountain or a desert all by yourself. Or take a long road trip alone. Or fly somewhere alone. If you’ve never done it, don’t be afraid. You’ll meet interesting people you wouldn’t if you were with someone else. And you’ll talk to yourself and get to know you better.

It's easy for me to say. I was an only child and lost both my parents when I was in high school, so I’ve always had a lot of solitude. For me, it’s natural and I realize that for many people, being alone can be very painful, but hear me out. 

I firmly believe the only way to really understand yourself is to be by yourself. You’re the only one who can answer your own questions. You know yourself better than anyone so dive a little deeper. Get to the root of why you do what you do and why you are the way you are. 

Sure, it’s great to have conversations with others, but the most important conversations you can have are with yourself.

Call it praying, talking to God, addressing the spirits, whatever, blah, blah, blah. What you’re doing is talking to yourself. When you pray, you’re asking yourself for permission to do something. Maybe there is a Big Sky Buddy who listens to every word and also manages planetary rotation, mouse reproduction, fungal networks and the reversing magnetic poles on Mars, but… Yeah.

It would be nice to think someone is right there when we talk to ourselves in solitude but I’m not holding my breath.

One more important thing about solitude. 

Visualize. Think up stories, wonder why things are the way they are, create music in your head, poetry. Imagine and create and visualize. It’s a lot easier when someone isn’t blathering about football scores or that friend they had in school that did whateverthefuck they did. 

A lot of conversation is vacuous blathering, and your head needs some serious thinking/alone time/talking to yourself time. 

This became really apparent to me on motorcycle rides. I’ve done a lot of long-distance motorcycle rides with a big machine burdened with a tent, hammock, chair, sleeping bags, clothes and Subway Veggie Sandwiches. I’ve ridden tens of thousands of miles all over the western and central USA on bikes for months at a time with very few conversations with other humans. I could ride six hours on a bike with no radio, just wind and motorcycle engine, then camp out in the woods. Maybe order a Subway Veggie Sandwich or two and define the bread and fixings to some kid. But overall, it was months alone. I hiked a chunk of the Appalachian Trail alone. I’ve driven cross country alone. I hitchhiked around Europe alone.

And every time, I came out knowing myself a little better. Especially the last few years on the bike. That’s a combination of just getting older and wiser and running out of shit to say to strangers.

Try pushing yourself off the cliff and going it alone for a while. Cultures have rambled on about spirit journeys and walkabouts since the beginning, and one can wrap a lot of mysticism around it if that helps, but the idea is simple. 

Be alone. Accomplish something. See what you learn. 

You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, you might as well get comfortable.