Don't Say, "I Love You," Unless......part 1

I Love You

Why are the words I love you so easy yet difficult to say? Why do we on the one hand allow this phrase to flippantly roll off our tongues while on the other, we willingly withhold our verbalizing of it? What does I love you mean? What is the essence of love? Why is the expression, “I love you,” important to us as human beings? Why do we sincerely look forward to hearing it spoken to us and speaking it to others? Are the words I love you significant? Is there a purpose in us both hearing and speaking, “I love you”? Should we use this phrase at all? Do we obtain any benefit from the words I love you? Is there a proper and correct manner in which to declare or hear these words?

One would think the answers to each of these questions would be easy. This is so because the answers to these questions are undeniably simple. The mere fact that so many questions relating to the words I love you abound is truly disheartening.

Love is a word. What does the word love mean? According to Oxford Languages, love is defined as, “An intense feeling of deep affection.”1 Oxford Languages defines affection as, “A gentle feeling of fondness or liking.”2 Intense is defined as, “Of extreme force, degree, or strength,” by Oxford Languages.3 It is quite clear that these definitions prove the substance, value, and seriousness of the word love.

Love is also a feeling according to its very definition. What is a feeling? Oxford Languages defines feeling as, “An emotional state or reaction.”4 State is defined by Oxford Languages as, “The particular condition that someone or something is in at a specific time.”5 Reaction is, “An action performed or a feeling experienced in response to a situation or event,” as defined by Oxford Languages.6 Certainly these definitions profoundly manifest the power, reality, and existence of the feeling of love that we experience in this life as human beings. It is plain to see that we must understand the word and feeling of love as being unmistakably inseparable, as it relates to their presence and practice in our lives. They are in fact the same thing.

Of course, love is vital and essential to mankind, even as it is purely defined. How is this so? First, we are truly able to express love toward and enjoy love from only those of whom we morally approve.

Second, it is impossible to possess a fervent, heartfelt, and impassioned devotion for or from someone of whom we morally disapprove. Therefore, the essence of love is exclusively shared and experienced between two parties who sincerely embrace, admire, and esteem each other morally. We are unable to extend or obtain love from anyone who lives in deliberate, distinct moral contradiction to us in any fashion. The significance of love in its purity is that we live in unity of mind, body, spirit, and soul, only with those whom we truthfully cherish ethically. Our thoughts, beliefs, and lives are in complete spiritual ethical agreement. As a result, we must fervently seek the enjoyment of peace and harmony only with those whom we honestly and ethically love.

For a Christian, the awareness of and the involvement in a life of love are undoubtedly and wholeheartedly consuming. We not only fully perceive the worldly definition of love as previously addressed but also willfully acknowledge that our omniscient, perfect, and triune God is love. Because God is perfect, we must strive to be perfect in each facet of our lives. Because God’s love is absolutely impeccable, our love must be entirely flawless. God’s powerful, immutable, and saving love for us is the only standard for our love. As such, this is the only principle of love that we must seek with the entirety of our existence.

In accordance with this standard of love, we are commanded to only desire truly loving relationships with those who love the Lord their God with all of their hearts, minds, souls, and strength and their neighbor as themselves. We are ordered not to be unequally yoked with anyone who readily stands in opposition to our wondrous God in any manner whatsoever. The truth of Christian love, therefore, is only experienced between and among those who earnestly love the Lord Jesus Christ and genuinely live as such.

Do not believe otherwise. Do not fool yourself. Do not lie to yourself. You cannot experience sincere Christian love with anyone who willingly denounces Jesus Christ as his or her Savior. Hence, we must endeavor with heartfelt conviction to flee from an alliance with anyone who lives in direct disagreement to the Word of God. We must only passionately pursue relationships with those who happily and zealously seek to live in conformity to each directive of God’s Word, as do we.

As human beings, we are born sinners. We truthfully know ourselves to be weak and feeble from our earliest youth. The temptation to seek approval from others is constant in our lives until the day we die. In the unquestioned consciousness of our innate frailty, we earnestly crave to be accepted, even as youngsters. Consequently, we willingly and knowingly replace the truth of love in our lives with the need for affirmation and validation from others. Rather than live according to the dictionary’s definition of love or sincerely in the comfort of the perfect Christian truth of love, we intentionally create a new principle of love for ourselves. It is one in which we live selfishly. We foolishly devise a plan to live, hoping others will notice, praise, and include us. As such, this wrongfully becomes the precedent of love that we establish for our lives.

We base our individual value and worth on whether or not we are liked or embraced by others. We willfully deny the very definition of love that we read in the dictionary with our own eyes. We forcefully reject the powerful revelation of love’s true meaning, which God graciously imparts to us in His Word. We deliberately choose to live in resistance to the truth of love so that we can indulge ourselves in self-centered experiences and acclaim and approval of others.

We want others to like us. We desire to simply fit in, rather than to honestly live in the validity of love that we genuinely know in our hearts and minds to be true. This is precisely why we individually fail to correctly love others, as well as to truthfully experience love from others. We know better. We clearly understand that our lives never improve when we yearn to live in the fabrication of any truth that we create for ourselves. This is especially the case when it relates to the doctrine of love. Therefore, in order to truly benefit when loving and being loved, we must earnestly aspire to live honestly and in the reality of love.

Can we live this way? Yes. Will we live this way? This is the question that we must willingly ask and candidly answer for ourselves each day. 

Let me be perfectly clear. The principle of love’s truth isn’t hard to comprehend. It is a matter of undeniable fact that we human beings possess both the ability to speak and the desire to hear the words, “I love you.” We are purposely created to earnestly express and sincerely enjoy the comfort of those words. Indeed, we exist only to love and be loved. Truly, nothing else in this life is significant. Without genuinely acknowledging the veracity of love in our lives, none of our thoughts, words, or deeds is relevant whatsoever.

I exhort you to stop reading for a second. Close your eyes. Honestly, reflect on your life thus far. Consider all that you have achieved, acquired, and accomplished. Take your time. Do not rush.

Once you have finished, close your eyes for me again. Now, truthfully imagine your future from this point forward in its entirety. What do you see? What do you hope to perform, obtain, and enjoy? Again, do not hurry. Thoroughly ponder your unadulterated expectations and desires. Well, how has your life played out so far? How do you envision your life materializing?

I sincerely hope that you took some time to answer these questions. Please know most certainly that your response to these topics is of the utmost importance. However, let me stop you here once more. Do me a final favor. At this very moment, be honorable. Truthfully confess to yourself without pretense that your past and future have been and will be absolutely futile without the presence of love. Whatever your answers to these questions were, you assuredly know that your life’s fulfillment rests solely on whether or not you have experienced and imparted love and will endeavor to do so. I promise that this is true. You know this is true.

As humankind, we make love difficult. We are entirely foolish of our own accord. We know whom we ought to love and the reason why without exception. We conscientiously comprehend who should love us and the reason why without fail. We thoroughly experience true enjoyment and contentment in our godly expression of affection for others. We honestly live in the unmitigated comfort and peace of another person’s godly demonstration of charity to us. So why do we intentionally mess this up?

The only answer is that we are utterly selfish human beings. Most certainly, we know that we are created only to love and be loved. We ethically understand this to be our purpose, yet we egotistically invent opportunistic standards for our lives that are contrary to the truth, which only leads us to definite misery. This must stop today. We are not stupid. Rather, we are completely self-absorbed.

If we are to properly love and be loved, we must purposefully set aside our self-centered aspirations and affections. We must zealously seek each day to willingly and entirely live in strict obedience to love’s principle and magnificent truth. We know in our hearts, minds, and souls, it has been graciously granted to us by our almighty, glorious God. If we live in this manner, we will correctly proclaim, “I love you,” to those whom we righteously love. We will not be able to withhold our passionate demonstration of endearment from those whom God has given us to cherish and adore. We will hold, hug, and kiss them enthusiastically. We will fervently display our gratitude for them. Nothing will stop us or stand in our way.

Likewise, we will surround ourselves only with those of whom we morally approve. We will ardently seek their favor. We will eagerly long to hear them declare, “I love you,” to us. We will earnestly desire to live honestly and in the pleasure and delight of their virtuous affections for us. In all of this, our life is fulfilled each day. No matter how much we acquire or how little we possess, no one can remove our heartfelt exhilaration. No one is able to speak ill of us so that we are separated from our upright elation. Why is this true? It is because our strength and exuberance are in God’s saving love alone. Only His love powerfully enables us to experience such peace, not only with Him but also with those whom He graciously gives us to love. Rest assured that nothing and no one can disunite us from this love—ever. How beautiful this truth is. Live in this love.

Is this the life of love that you want for yourself? Of course, it is. Will you seek, obtain, and live this love? I cannot answer this for you. I do, however, sincerely desire this for you.