Is the Ear the Avenue to the Heart?

According to the Voltaire, the 18th century enlightenment thinker, writer and advocate of civil liberties and free speech (among many other things), the ear is indeed the avenue to the heart.

And it's not easy to argue with the quality of Voltaire's thinking.

How can we create a connection, build trust or ever seek to influence if we don't listen?

As we move through life at an often accelerating pace, are we losing the ability to tear ourselves from the distractions of our own thoughts, gadgets or ominous to-do lists - and simply listen?

We already know the benefits of listening:

• We show respect to others
• We lay the foundations from which a strong bond may form
• We conserve energy – otherwise spent on voicing our opinions
• We let go of the stress of figuring out how quickly to interject
• We release the weight of ego and open up to possible enlightenment (Voltaire would be proud)
• We learn something

Moving forward in time to the words of another writer, Maya Angelou: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Listening is a sure way to make people feel good.

You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying. But if you want to build a bridge to another person, it's a fundamental first step to listen to them.

What if you're thinking, I already know their point of view, so what’s the point in listening? Here are a few thoughts. You might want to listen to:

• Understand how they think
• Appreciate their rationale (even if you don't agree with it)
• Consider how best to work with them (at least you'll get some insights into what they value)
• Find an area where perspectives may (over time) align
• Formulate questions that show curiosity and can deepen your understanding

Have you ever listened in this way - even though you suspected you had nothing in common with a person and would never gel?

If you have, did you begin to build a stronger connection, however small?

Listening is the foundation for empathy. Empathy - trying on someone else's glasses to see how things look to them - is a first step in building trust. And hopefully we've all learnt by now that relationships are a function of trust.

When I was young, there was a BBC programme for school children called: Stop, Look, Listen. The clue is in the title - it was probably commissioned by Voltaire.

You get the gist?

I invite you to take a load off and listen.

Now, having said that, I appreciate that there are excellent listeners out there. So for those of you who excel at listening, remember that those who excel at speaking value speech. If you’re listening and reflecting but not sharing, the speakers may get suspicious. They may be wondering whether you have any thoughts. They want you to engage, but if you aren't going to jump in, they'll just have to keep on speaking.

Listeners, do the speakers a favour and claim your airtime.

I was going to suggest a World Listening Day, so I looked up if it already exists. It does. July 18th. That's about six weeks from now. Just as Voltaire might, I'm throwing down the gauntlet: Can you practice listening a little bit more between now and then? I'm certainly going to try.

Andrea Stone is an Executive Coach and works with leaders and leadership teams across in multi-cultural environments to improve self-awareness, self-management and self-leadership. She has worked with hundreds of leaders in building these skills. The number one skill many want to build is communication - and within that, their key focus area is listening. Enough said.

© Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership Coaching & Consulting Pvt. Ltd.