Embracing Life's Challenges: Owning Our Experiences

In our personal and professional lives, we all strive to make the best choices, plan effectively, and hope that things go smoothly. At times, it feels like everything is in our control—our decisions align, luck is on our side, and we experience a sense of fulfillment and success. We feel as though we've arrived at the point we were meant to reach, believing that things will continue to improve from there.

However, life rarely unfolds as planned. Careers can stall, relationships may end, or the outcomes of our choices might not be what we expected. Suddenly, the values we’ve built our lives around may shift, and we find ourselves in the midst of inner turmoil.

Navigating Chaos

When things go wrong, our initial reaction is often denial. We ask, Why me? or How did this happen? These questions, while uncomfortable, are valuable—they help us reflect on our choices and guide future decisions. However, staying in this state of questioning for too long can create a spiral that holds us back.

It’s important to allow ourselves time to process disappointment, but not to linger there indefinitely. Holding onto negativity can be draining. It’s essential to move beyond the turmoil and find ways to take ownership of both the good and the bad in our lives.

Owning Our Struggles

A close friend of mine once struggled with anxiety, despite having invested significantly in her mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. She felt frustrated, saying, I thought I had dealt with all of this, but now I’m back at square one.

This individual, who inspired everyone around her, was suddenly trapped in a situation she couldn’t control. She felt like she had failed. Managing emotions and facing unexpected outcomes were overwhelming, and she found herself in a downward spiral.

When did she start to recover? When she finally said, This is mine. She began to take ownership, not just of her achievements and decisions, but also of the things that were beyond her control. By accepting all parts of her experience—the planned and the unplanned—she started to feel empowered again.

Accepting the Unpredictable

None of this is easy. When life throws something unexpected our way, our first response is often rejection. But rejecting reality won’t make it go away. A book I read recently shifted my perspective on this. It suggested that accepting difficult experiences as mine—claiming them as part of our story—can ease the pain and help us move forward.

Embracing the unpredictability of life means learning to coexist with the outcomes we didn’t plan for. We have to come to terms with the fact that not everything is within our control, but we can still own the way we respond.

Authenticity as a Remedy

Existential psychotherapist Ferhat Jak İçöz explores the concept of authenticity in his book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being Yourself. He suggests that authenticity stems from the extent to which we own our choices and experiences. This isn’t just about feeling good about what happens, but about being able to say, This belongs to me—whether it’s a success or a setback.

Other existential thinkers echo this sentiment. Sartre emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for our actions and decisions, while Camus argues that authenticity is about standing up and moving forward, even when life feels absurd. Nietzsche challenges us to move beyond societal expectations, while Kierkegaard focuses on the importance of being honest with ourselves.

Reflection Questions

I’d like to close with a few questions for you to reflect on:

• How much ownership do you take over your life?
• Can you say, This is mine, even when faced with challenges you didn’t choose?
• What experiences are easier to own, and which ones are harder?
• Are you living a life aligned with your values? If not, what’s holding you back?

Take some time to reflect on these questions and see what surfaces. Embracing all parts of your journey, both the planned and the unexpected, is the key to moving forward.

Let’s continue to explore, reflect, and grow together.

Thanks for reading Mindfully Yours newsletter, I hope you enjoyed the topic. Here are some ways to access more mindful living tips:

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Warmly,

Emine