Embracing More Intentional "Bigheartedness"

I enjoyed catching up with an old friend over lunch this past Friday at a Thai restaurant near my house. It was great to see this man who has been a mentor and close friend for many years. At the end of our meal, he asked for the check and unexpectedly paid for both of us saying: “Let this be my generous act today.” I was truly grateful for my friend’s generosity and this was not unusual behavior for him, but it sparked in me an immediate desire to pay it forward in some significant way. We happened to be sitting near another friend of mine in the restaurant who was enjoying lunch with a mutual acquaintance of ours. I quietly asked our server for his check and treated him and his guest to lunch with no fanfare or need for acknowledgement…I just felt a compulsion, inspired by my friend’s gift of a meal, to do the same for someone else.

As I was reflecting this morning on the experience at the restaurant, I realize that I am feeling a strong desire to do something different this year as we approach the holidays. I have my usual routines and will give gifts to friends and loved ones, send Christmas cards to my network, make donations to my family’s favorite charities and volunteer at our parish, but I feel called to do something bolder. With all the division in our country, perhaps I can set a better example for others and promote goodwill by not simply doing what is expected of me, but striving for what I am actually capable of doing.

Perhaps I need to move beyond sporadic acts of kindness to enthusiastically embracing more intentional and consistent bigheartedness. I have always liked this word and it seems to capture the image I have in my head of doing more to generously serve others. Bridging the delta between good enough and giving my best should be the goal.

Are you interested in joining me? All I am proposing is a little extra effort each day that will focus on giving of ourselves more than we do now. How can we more selflessly utilize our time, talent and treasure for the benefit of work colleagues, friends, family and the community? What amazing causes are in need of the help we can offer? I plan to make this extra effort towards “bigheartedness” every day until Christmas this year. Between Christmas and the beginning of the New Year, I will thoughtfully and humbly reflect on any impact my efforts may have made on the people around me and the positive difference I am certain it will make in me as well. Perhaps I will be motivated and inspired to carry this effort into 2025.

What are ways we can demonstrate more bigheartedness each day? The opportunities are endless, but here are some ideas to consider:

• We can invest meaningful time in someone who is looking for a job and offer advice and access to our network with active introductions.
• Sacrifice something we want and use the money instead to support a great cause or give it to someone we know is struggling to make ends meet.
• Give the gift of a book that had a positive effect on us to someone who would also benefit from reading it.
• Take our team or a colleague to lunch and thank them for their hard work this year.
• Offer the gift of mentorship and advice to a younger colleague and invest in their success.
• Reach out to a colleague who is experiencing difficulties outside of work and offer encouragement and a listening ear.
• Send handwritten notes of gratitude to the people who have made a difference in our lives this year.
• Offer up extra prayers each day for people less fortunate than us.
• Prepare and deliver meals for neighbors or friends dealing with illness or financial struggles.
• Intentionally and authentically go out of our way to praise the good work of others in our companies, the places we shop, eat or anywhere we spend our money.

You may read this post and feel that you are doing enough…and that is perfectly OK. But, if you feel that you can step up and do a little more in the days ahead, I encourage you to give this effort a try. Also, recognize as we make this extra effort, that this is not a race and perfection will always elude us. Let's be patient and extend a little grace to ourselves as we try to do our best.

I got started on Friday with buying lunch for a friend and his guest. Yesterday I sent a Publix gift card to a struggling family I know to make their Thanksgiving a little happier and I have decided today to write and mail three notes of gratitude to a few people who have made a huge difference in my life this year. I am not sure what opportunities tomorrow will bring to give back and serve others, but I can't wait to see what unfolds.

Remember that bighearted generosity is something everyone can practice, regardless of their age, employment status or struggles in life. Some of the most impactful kind acts I have received or observed over the years have been a warm smile, encouragement or selfless contributions from amazing people the world would have unfairly assumed had little to offer. It is not necessarily what is given that matters, but the love that goes into the giving.

The ripple effect of only some of us practicing more intentional bigheartedness can make a meaningful difference to the people who receive our kindness and generosity. The world will be a better place if we do. Isn't that worth the effort?   

"Everyone on this earth should believe, amid whatever madness or moral failure, that your life and temperament have some object on earth. Believe that you have something to give the world which cannot otherwise be given." - G. K. Chesterton

Best wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones!

*I am excited to announce my brand new book, Becoming a More Thoughtful Leader, is now available from Amazon! If you would like to learn more about the book, read over 50 humbling 5-star reviews and purchase a copy, click here.

Randy Hain is the president of Serviam Partners, the award-winning author of 11 books, an executive coach, leadership consultant and thought leader on candor, clarity, time management and business relationships. He is also the co-founder of The Leadership Foundry.