An Empath Leader

Leading with your intuition

One of the things that I have noticed is the more time I spend in meditation the more sensitive I become to my surroundings and energy of other people.

I use my intuition when it comes to leading people, and I use my analytical skills when I am making decisions in business. The challenge instead of coming from within, often comes from picking up other people’s emotional charges and feeling drained by the end of the day or week.

This weekend was a great example, by Friday night, I was feeling a little detached. I woke up Saturday morning with unresolved anxiety in my heart. By around 11am, I knew that I wasn’t feeling quite myself, I wasn’t feeling inspired, content, fulfilled or connected. In the past, I would just carry the emotional charge of ‘upset’ and not addressed it. But knowing very well that this will lead to blocking off emotions that I needed to resolve, I shared with my husband Gaurav that there was something I wasn’t feeling good about and I wasn’t sure where it is coming from. I asked him to bear with me as I work through whatever it was.

I’ve realised, because of my time spent over the years self-reflecting, journaling, and meditating, I have become increasingly sensitive to how other people are feeling.

Here is how I hacked my anxiety in 5 steps:

1.  Asked my husband for some time out

I am married and have two small kids so whenever I need ‘me’ time, I always ask my husband if I can have some timeout. This is not because I need to ask him, but I think being married with responsibilities towards the family and the household, it is respectful to include your partner in your self-care journey and ask when you need that time. I have found this open communication allows for a very trusting relationship where we completely understand each other’s needs and are clear that nothing comes from a place of selfishness.

2.  Meditation

I went into my meditation room, sat comfortably, closed my eyes and began to shift my awareness to my breathing. As I did this, my breathing became shallow, softer, and gentler, which is exactly where I needed to be to connect beyond myself. I then set an intention for myself and repeated in my mind that I wanted to feel this anxiety more, I wanted it to rise so I could really feel the pain of the anxiety, the concern of the anxiety and allow it to rise to its fullest expression.

The reason I wanted this was that if there was anger or sadness, disappointment, fear or shame at the core of this anxiety, I needed to know where it was originating from, what experience brought this anxiety forward? This is a crucial process for resolving anxiety.

3.  Connecting to the experience so I can rationalise

I want to use this time to bring my awareness to the experience that led to the anxiety. Sometimes we respond to experiences in the same way our ancestors would have to perceived threats, not realising that we have evolved, and don’t need to hold the same frequency of fear or ‘negative energy’ that we did in the past. So, when we reflect and allow for this time of reflection, we can rationalise it.

In an unstimulated, quiet, calm moment in time, we can face our anxiety, allow it to rise to its tipping point, feel it, face it, and release it in a very safe and healing way. That is the power of mindfulness.

4.  Why I no longer suppress anxiety

20 minutes… 30 minutes… 40 minutes… I am still sitting in so much peace. I love the peace I get from meditation and reconciling with my emotions. Nothing came up that really concerned me in the week that had passed. No experience came up that made me feel inadequate as such during the week. There were conversations and meetings I had in which I thought ok, maybe I picked up on someone else’s emotional charge, but I didn’t want to overthink it as nothing was coming up for me.

I was so proud of myself in this time of reflection that I wasn’t tempted to block my anxiety by any distraction. A decade ago, my reaction to this emotion would have been to indulge, binge, block! All those typical, unhealthy ways we can respond… excessive retail therapy, overindulgence in sweets, alcohol, smoking. 

5.  Ask yourself, “what is the worst that will happen?”

As I continued to journey into peace, I was also gently speaking to myself. Something would come up and I would respond softly “ok… and what is the worst thing that will happen?” If another slightly pessimistic thought rose, I would respond once again to it “allow this to happen, what is the worst thing that could happen as a result?”

Have you ever asked yourself that question? What is the worst thing that will happen? 

I love this question because no matter what we say to it, the worst thing is still actually quite manageable! Try this next time you feel overcome by anxiety or stress.

As I became more comforted by my rationalised thinking, I also simultaneously started feeling gratitude for my life. Gratitude and thankfulness for everything good in my life. So many beautiful examples of great things began appearing in my mind’s eye and I once again connected to the love I feel for my family, friends, work and community.

These are my simple 5 steps to feeling great! Do you already do any of these?