The End that Builds the Beginning

As we wrap up this year and look towards the new, we often want to forget what’s passed. We invariably feel like we’ve failed in many ways and need to fix this through some sense of guilt or even shame. So often in the past, I’d think about how I’d lived over the year. And feel dissatisfied with… just… myself. And I’d feel this need to be better. I didn’t help myself very much because I didn’t know what “better” meant. Just some version of me that felt a bit less rubbish at life, frankly.

Now, I’m sure many people out there are equally harsh on themselves, or even more so. You feel like you could be better, don’t know quite how to do that, yet feel the need to do something. Those in the Services along with other high achievers are used to the unceasing need for improvement and attainment. By the standards of most other people, you could have set the world alight. But in your mind, you barely managed to move an inch.

There’s nothing wrong with striving for more; expanding your capabilities and understanding; becoming a better version of yourself. And we all deserve that process to be made easier and feel a lot better than it does when we set ourselves impossible standards that aren’t even clear to us. So here are a few ways that I encourage my coaching clients to prepare for and enter the new year. Not by disregarding the past, but setting the conditions for their best future.

Know yourself

How much time do we spend getting clear on what we want? Not what our parents or friends or society tells us we should want. But what actually aligns with our hopes and dreams for our lives and has a deep connection to our needs and values. We spend most of our days moving in a direction because we feel like we should. And we’re dissatisfied and disillusioned because we feel nothing for the direction we’re going in. It’s no wonder we’re so deflated at the end of the year. 

Introspection is key. Why do we do what we do? If not this, then what else? A sign of a great coaching session is that it allows you to be brutally honest in a safe space. It’s the only way forward and it’s not easy. If not working with a coach, it helps to write things down. And one great way to do that is with a journaling practice.

Dear Diary

Journaling is a practice that’s shared across time and cultures as being one of the simplest and best ways to support one’s wellbeing and growth. A regular journaling practice can help you to reduce intrusive thoughts, manage strong emotions and achieve mental clarity. By better understanding yourself and your motivations, you can make more informed decisions about where to take yourself in life, and have far more confidence. It will also help you to know what ‘good’ looks like.

Begin with the end in mind

You know that feeling of working your arse off, and there never seems to be an end? Knowing that you’ve been out in the trenches come rain or shine, yet it just doesn’t feel like enough? This time of year can leave us feeling so deflated partly because we often don’t decide our end state. We think “This year I’m going to be/have/do x” and we’ll know success when we see it. The thing is, we rarely do. No one does. That’s why military and Government decision-making can be so frustrating. They often don’t articulate the desired end-state beyond metrics like money, to gain popular support. 

This means projects or initiatives drag on with no clear end in sight. In deciding what you want from the next stage of your journey, it pays to decide what success will look like. Where will you be? What will be happening? Who will be around you? What feelings will you recognise? And what will you do to mark your success before moving on to the next thing?

Be the life of the party

Finally, that habit we have when completing a task. No sooner have we closed the book than we’re sucked into another. There’s no clear end to the work because you drag yourself from one vital, consuming thing to the next. But there is value in taking the time to honour your efforts and what they’ve bought you. Feel pride for the discipline and focus that you’ve practised.

Far from vanity, celebrating yourself at times like this helps to draw a definite line under each milestone as a task ends and frees you to look towards the next. So go out for dinner, spend quality time with a special someone, book that holiday you told yourself you didn’t deserve, or buy yourself a nice new plant. Marking your successes will make it far easier to look back, feel fulfilled and see all the good that you’ve done.

All of these practices will help you to make your way through the next year with confidence and certainty. And not only will you feel more satisfaction and accomplishment, but you’ll likely have moved further than in the last 3 years combined. This is just a snippet of what I go through with each of my clients. If you’re a Service Leaver or veteran and you’d like to know what it’s like to win every single year, reach out. Find out what it really means to be the best at being you.