In the Eye of the WhatsApp Storm
Manisha Singh
Transformation Coach | Leadership Development | Creating Safe Spaces for Personal & Professional Development | Human-Centric Leadership | Storytelling for Leadership Development | Championing Self-Awareness in Leadership
It all started with a harmless “Good morning!” meme in the college WhatsApp group. The meme, though seemingly innocent, poked fun at a certain political group.
Within minutes, it spiralled into an intense debate about a recent political event. By noon, half the group was passionately arguing, while the other half sent popcorn GIFs, enjoying the debate.
Ravi, one of the more neutral members, tried to intervene. “Guys, let’s keep it civil,” he typed, only to be brutally ignored. Ravi had often played the observer and peacemaker in these debates. While this time it was about politics, he had seen similar wars of words erupt over cricket - who the GOAT was - or which movie deserved an award.
Watching the group split into factions and decade-old friendships hang by a thread—over a meme—pained Ravi. For him, the group was not just a chat. It symbolised the friendships they had built over the years......something worth preserving.
The next morning, Ravi woke up determined to restore peace. He reminded the group of their long-discussed plan to meet for lunch that weekend. After a flurry of messages debating the venue and several dropouts, the decision was finally made.
In an attempt to bring some harmony, Ravi suggested a dress code. “Let’s all wear white. It symbolises peace—and our group picture will look nice and harmonious.”
Initially, his idea was met with reluctance, however, eventually, most members turned up in white t-shirts, kurtas, dresses, and elegant sarees.
Though Ravi had orchestrated the meet-up, he remained unusually quiet during lunch. Meera, the live wire of the group, nudged him, “Ravi, why so quiet? You have been the anchor of this meet-up, and now you are the quietest one here.”
Ravi smiled. “Well, someone in the group needs to listen to the many perspectives that emerge after memes are posted. I think silence is the only way one can truly observe.”
His loaded sentence caught the attention of the table, especially those who were a part of the animated WhatsApp debates. One of them chuckled and asked, “Ravi, I get your point. But tell us—how do you stay so calm? Don’t you have opinions?”
Ravi took a deep breath and, with a gentle smile, he shared, “Oh, I have my moments of frustration. But here is something I understood a few years ago: most arguments are not about the topic—they’re about ego.”
“Ego?” Meera asked, intrigued.
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“Think about it,” Ravi explained. “When we argue, we are not just defending our viewpoint—we are defending ourselves. We tie our opinions to our identity. So when someone challenges our opinion, it feels like they are attacking us personally.”
The group went silent, each member mulling over his words.
“The key,” Ravi continued, “is to detach. Remind yourself that your opinion is just one perspective among many. And here is my little trick: when I feel myself getting carried away, I imagine the argument as a movie. Suddenly, I am the audience watching the scene unfold, not the lead actor. It makes it easier not to take things personally.”
Meera laughed. “That is a great perspective. I think I will imagine our group chats as a soap opera from now on!”
Ravi grinned. “And before responding, pause and ask yourself, ‘Am I adding value, or just fuelling the fire?’ Nine times out of ten, it is the latter.”
That evening, the group returned to WhatsApp, but with a different energy and a different mindset. Conversations became lighter and more thoughtful. For the first time in years, debates ended with laughter, not rage.
This story is inspired by the countless WhatsApp wars I have witnessed—and sometimes even gotten sucked into and even taken sides. In a world that seems more polarised than ever before, it is easy to lose ourselves in heated debates.
Staying neutral does not mean suppressing our opinions—it is about detaching from them enough to step back and see the bigger picture. This detachment creates space for us to approach discussions with empathy, objectivity, and calm.
The psychological distance and space help us see that ultimately, it is not about winning the argument - it is about listening, understanding, and knowing when to step back. With a quieter mind, we are able to ask ourselves the question about whether these debates are worth straining long friendships and relationships that we have nurtured over the years.
How do you stay grounded in heated discussions?
Have you found ways to engage constructively without losing your cool?
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1wHi Manisha Singh Ravi is the hero … bravo!!
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1wSuch a poignant message here Manisha 'I think silence is the only way one can truly observe'.- Is something that I gravitate towards, Detachment teaches us how we are unique but how we are all connected, so judging others implies we are judging ourselves and that's so low vibe. This is valid point too-When we debate-we are not just defending our viewpoint, we are defending ourselves-it reminds me how so many of us struggle with low self-esteem issues. All of this is a constant reminder to teach myself new skills. Detachment, letting go, dispassion, discernment, equilibrium.
Ex MD & Country Manager The Bank of New York - India | Non-Executive Director on Corporate Boards | Risk Evangelist I AI Enthusiast | LinkedIn Top voice | Strategic Growth and Governance Architect | C-suite mentor
1wThis story beautifully captures the essence of navigating heated discussions. Staying grounded often means practising self-awareness and detachment, as Ravi exemplifies. I’ve found that focusing on listening rather than reacting is transformative—it shifts the conversation from confrontation to connection. To engage constructively, I would ask clarifying questions to understand the other person's perspective better and pause before responding to avoid emotional outbursts. So pause, ensuring clarity over emotions. Stick to facts, avoid personal attacks, and use respectful language. Acknowledge differing opinions to foster understanding. When tensions rise, suggest refocusing the conversation or taking a break. When you detach your ego and seek mutual understanding, discussions can become opportunities for growth rather than battlegrounds. Remember, it's not about winning: it's about fostering understanding AND 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝗺𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.