Failures !!!

As a student, one of the key metrics I have used for self-assessment, apart from academics, are the extracurriculars I have participated in.

Looking at the journey till now, I have lost numerous times. Sometimes due to wrong decisions. Sometimes I didn't try at all, and sometimes the person succeeding was unbeatably better than me.

I have won too, a few times. Even then, sometimes I felt I didn't deserve to win, sometimes it didn't involve my best efforts, yet sometimes the efforts were soul-sucking.

Failure, for me, has always been a very hard pill to swallow. I know that the world doesn't revolve at someone's convenience, but still, every time I bite the dust, I fall into this deep abyss of despondency.

Even today, on any competition day, my body gets completely grappled by the fear of losing. Anxiety is at its peak and the mind just goes haywire. Many times, I lose my motivation to win. My palms sweat profusely and nervousness gets the best of me. Despite the obfuscations, despite my will to give up this last time and do well in the future, I proceed with a thin hope of winning.

In the past, when the results were on my side, in introspection, it all did look like a picturesque journey. The mental solace made it look all worthwhile. Everything was in place I felt.

Yet the failures were equally low, all those efforts getting crushed were unbearable. Even more unbearable was the self-doubt failure brought with it. But, failure also brought with it recklessness, it slapped me to the ground, and it showed my status quo. Along with it, the feeling of having nothing to lose invigorated me to tighten the loose ends, wake up the next day, and put up a fight. In other words, it made me stronger.

Many of us, undoubtedly, fear failure. But hey, I failed and it didn't kill me! It made me more prepared for the upcoming battles that mattered. Learning not all battles in this world are mine and the inevitability of failure helped me a lot. Most importantly, I've realized, VICTORY IS NOT IN THE RESULTS, BUT IN THE EFFORTS YOU PUT IN.

#failure #success