The Family Man

The Great Divorce

One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis. I was first introduced to him back in middle school when I had summer reading - I believe it was either Prince Caspian or The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Part of the Chronicles of Narnia. He also wrote The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity, among other famous books and novels. However, instead of any of thus, let's talk about the time he boarded a bus for heaven. 

Obviously, I'm not talking about him doing this in a literal sense, but rather through this astounding picture he paints in his book, The Great Divorce. A book that examines the question as to why people choose to give their lives in full commitment to God or not. To summarize this book much better than I did this sermon series, C.S. Lewis is showing that what we're basically doing is standing at the very gate of heaven, and making this choice between the eternal glory of God and the empty promises of earth - hence what he refers to as "the great divorce" between heaven and earth. In his book, Lewis talks about getting onto a bus with a group of fellow ghosts who have passed away. Shortly they're going to be dropped off at a sort of depot, where they will make their decisions and choices regarding eternity. Obviously salvation doesn't work this way, but just stay with me for a little bit - the book serves rather as an extended metaphor. For each person that steps off of the bus, this bright, shining figure steps out of heaven who has a direct connection to a person on the bus. They encourage them to make the journey into heaven, to choose the glory of God over the emptiness of earthly desires. They're not angels, but rather people from their life how have been saved. 

People step off the bus - a person from their life comes out to talk to them, and so forth. And then it's a woman named Pam's turn. 

Pam steps off the bus, and a shining figure steps out to greet her. But she's filled with disappointment when she realizes who it is. The person's name is Reginald - her younger brother. But Pam was hoping and praying it would be her son whom she outlived, Michael. She devoted her life to him and just wanted to see him so, so, badly. But, Reginald explains that she's not ready for that. She's not ready to see Michael. Instead, she first must be eager to be with God Himself, then the rest of the blessings of heaven will come. See, I love this part of the illustration, because C.S. Lewis makes this metaphor for saying that:

God isn't simply just a way to get into heaven; heaven is the way that we are to be with God. Outside of the metaphor, we know that Jesus is the only way to the father, but you get the point.

Reginald says to her, and I'm quoting the book here, "I'm afraid the first step is a hard one. But after that, you'll go on like a house on fire...when you learn to want someone else besides Michael." And Pam is just like - "What're you talking about? You know what, fine. I'll do whatever you say. I'll just do whatever is necessary...The sooner I do that, then the sooner I'll get to see my boy." Reginald just says, "You're using God as a means to an end, instead of wanting God for His own sake. He doesn't come in second; nor can he even be tied for first." Throughout the story it becomes clear that Pam's love for Michael, the love she had for her son was instead an obsession in her life. After he died, she sacrificed her relationships with her other children, her husband, her parents, all on the altar of adoration of her son. She even, at one point, says the phrase, "No one has a right to come between me and my son. Not even God."

The sad part is that the story makes it very clear that the woman is so set on her views and so unwavering in her ways that she ultimately chooses her own destination.

If we break down C.S. Lewis's view just to the foundation, to the root of what he's getting at - he's saying that our foundation, our first love, should be to love the Lord our God, and that we are to then love one another, like Christ already laid out for us when responding to the lawyer's question in Luke 10:27. 

And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself."

Luke 10:27 (ESV)

Our Life: The Bicycle Wheel

Kyle Idleman talks about it like this - it's a great illustration. 

He says to picture our life like a bicycle wheel. Every spoke in the wheel represents different and significant relationships that make up our lives. One spoke - your mom. Another - your dad. One spoke might be a sibling, grandparent, or spouse. Another is a child, grandchild, and so forth. 

It's so easy to make God just another spoke on the wheel, but God's not interested in being placed as a spoke. God is to be the center hub that all the spokes come from and connect to. He's to be the center of our ever turning and spinning world.

These relationships that we build are good things. The danger of idols is that they're usually good things that just get elevated to an ultimate position in our lives - the same is true this for us now. We're supposed to love our children, we're supposed to love our parents, our siblings, grandparents, and spouses wholeheartedly - but we're always supposed to love them in the context of our primary love for God. He must be the center of the wheel, and our deepest love.

Top Button Truths

When our relationship with God serves as the foundation for our relationships with everyone else, Kyle Idleman calls that a "top button" truth. Here's what he means:

Have you ever been in such a hurry, or running late getting ready and you get dressed, throw on your shirt, and just start buttoning. One button down, one button down, one button down, and you get to the end and there's a left over button? Now you get to unbutton everything, and start over. You mess up that top button and every other button is messed up, too. You get to the bottom and look ridiculous. Similarly, our lives should be ordered in such a way God is the top button. Devotion to Him, our relationship with Him, is the top button. You get that one right, you get that in order, and every other relationship - family or friend - will be far more satisfying. Get that top button wrong...things can fall apart.

See, Pam's love for her son, Michael, in "The Great Divorce," something as beautiful, powerful, and important as a mother's love for her child - gets elevated to her identity, put on the throne of her heart, because her primary love was her adoration for Michael, and God was just a means to an end for her to see him again. This good thing, a mother's love for her child, got twisted into a hideous idol that in turn resulted in her other relationships not aligning either.

Augustine - an early theologian, leader, and writer, called these surface idols, "disordered loves." What he meant was that because a parent should love a child, a child should love and honor their parent, and we should love our neighbors as ourselves, that these good relationships can so easily be elevated to that "top button" position. And like I said last week, these surface and root idols are so sneaky the way that Satan can use them to slither onto the throne in our hearts because sometimes we're just doing what we're supposed to be doing - it's just that it's stemming from love that's in the wrong order and we don't realize it. 

I wouldn't blame you at all at this point if you're sitting here thinking, "Well, this is all well and good - but it's impossible for me to love my children less." And that I would say, "Good! I'm not asking you to, but we can love our children, we can love people, differently." And here's what I mean. We can love people in the context of our devotion of our love for God. And doing that, as we'll see, is one of the most loving things that we can do for any of our relationships, family or friend.

The Test

Here's a question: What if we were asked to prove that God was on the throne in our hearts? That our love for Him exceeds anything and anyone? 

There's a story in scripture that parallels "The Great Divorce" except with a way better ending - of divine intervention to learn it was only a test. In fact, I'd call it one of the most heart-wrenching stories in the Bible. It's found in Genesis 22, and it's the story of Abraham and Isaac. 

God promises Abraham and Sarah that they'll have a child. In extreme old age. They weren't able to have one in their youth, and God asks them to trust His promise. Then, nothing. For a long time. Years. 

Eventually, Isaac, their son is born. 

Bam. Test passed. Alright!

Then Genesis 22 shows up:

After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am." He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

Genesis 22:1-2 (ESV)

If I were Abraham, thank God I'm not - because I think my first thought, my first response would be along the lines of, "Excuse me?"

"You mean the Isaac that you promised for years? That Isaac? That only son Isaac? Whom I love? Mmmmm.....I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Feels weird. Actually it feels more than weird - it feels like the opposite of what I should be doing with a human child..." 

But that's not Abraham's response - is it?

You know, on a more serious note, it's fascinating because the second verse, Genesis 22:2 is the first time the word love is used in the Bible. It's even more fascinating that this first time love is used is in the context of sacrificing a beloved, only son. Sound familiar? 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 (ESV)

We feel for Abraham here so much. But on the other side, it's almost as if God had some sort of divine knowledge (go figure) and knew that He Himself would make this exact sacrifice of His one and only son whom He loved. 

The Bible never ceases to amaze me. 

After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am."

Genesis 22:1 (ESV)

Do you notice in the beginning it says, "After these things God tested Abraham..."

So when we, as readers, read this story - we get tipped off from just the fifth word that this is only a test. We know, having a complete Bible at our fingertips, that never does God require us to make a human sacrifice. In fact, we learn in several places like Deuteronomy 12; 18; and 2 Kings 21 to name a few that it's detestable to Him (human sacrifice). But at this point, at the point that Abraham is given this command, none of those books have been written. Genesis hasn't been written.

Abraham doesn't know it's a test.

Now I know these scenes aren't described in the Bible, but I just imagine things like Abraham and Sarah holding hands as their beloved son, their miracle child whom they were delivered the news about from angels no less, Abraham and Sarah holding hands watching him as he sleeps at night. I picture them pouring out prayers and caring for him at times when he gets sick. Their joy when he learns to walk, his first words, and when he gets old enough to start going out to help Abraham. 

But now - this command - take him to the altar. 

Give him back.

I can sit here and imagine those moments of joy and caring from Abraham and Sarah raising Isaac. But with that command, "lay that special and wonderful son on the altar." I can't imagine what Abraham must have felt.

As I've read through the Bible, there are a lot of characters I think it would be awesome to have been. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago standing protected in the fire. That's awesome. Samson and his strength. Yep. But Abraham is a Bible hero that I don't envy in this moment. I don't want to be him right here. Because every child is a special, miracle child, knitted together in the womb by God (Psalm 139). I'd wager that no parent wants to be Abraham right here. But even if you're not a parent, let's extend the scope of this story beyond children. Who do you love so fiercely, so protectively, so desperately? Who would you lay down your life for? A younger brother or sister? A parent you've always been close to? Your husband or wife? Maybe they're not even family - let's say its a best friend.

Here's what I'm getting at with this: God's greatest gifts are also His greatest tests. 

When Cassy and I first started hanging out as friends, I started keeping a journal of various places we went, things we did, important things that were said, feelings I had, that sort of thing. I had been single for a while and got out of a relationships that wasn't great, so meeting Cassy was, for lack of a better phrase, something incredibly special. Like an answered prayer, so I thought that keeping a journal would be a great way to be mindful of the time we spent together in those early days. I was recently reading through it, and found this entry that I wrote a full month and a half before we started dating. We went to go look at Christmas lights, just the two of us, one evening in December of 2013 and did stuff earlier that day as well. In that journal I talked about the kind of day we had, what we talked about, but it was the very last words of that entry that just hit me. I wrote the phrase, "Cassy is the one." 

I don't share that to be all sappy or earn brownie points (even though I'm going to).

The point is that the more beautiful a thing is, like marriage, like a child, like a friend that God provided at just the right time - the more beautiful a thing is in our lives, the more capacity it has to become an idol. So for me, I have a wife that I'll never be good enough to deserve. Because that relationship is an answered prayer, it's a gift. And therefore I have to guard my heart to make sure that I love her in the context of my love for God - of my worship for God and God alone. And I'd suspect that most, if not all of us in this room have someone similar - the gift that is the test.

The goal is to love the gift in such a way that it makes you love the giver all the more.

So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. On the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes and saw the place from afar. Then Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you."

Genesis 22:3-5 (ESV)

I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you. I don't want us to miss that word, worship. They're at the moment of truth. The moment for Abraham to lead Isaac up the mountain to be sacrificed. This moment tells us so much about Abraham - because he's choosing God over anything and anyone else. If that's not the definition of worship, I don't know what is.

Then in verses 6-8, Abraham and Isaac are walking along up the mountain together, Isaac says, "Father?" 

"Yes, my son?"

"The fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" 

"God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son."

Then they arrive. 

Abraham builds the altar, piles the wood up just so - and then again, I can't imagine his thoughts as he binds up Isaac and he's placed where an animal should be. He reaches for the knife. 

He never falters.

Then a voice stops in right in his tracks:

But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, "Abraham, Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am." He said, "Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me."

Genesis 22:11-12 (ESV)

Again, the first two commandments:

• We will have no other gods before God
• We will make no idols in the form of anything.

Not even in the form of a beloved child.

In the moment that push came to shove, Abraham showed the depth of his commitment to God. Through that commitment and love for God, he loved his son in the way God created him to - ordered, with God first. Do you think Abraham loved Isaac less for nearly losing him? No way. I'd argue that we can almost be sure that Isaac become even more precious to him. And how wonderful.

Was Isaac an idol for his father? Not at all.

Who Do You Love?

A survey of adults that was conducted in July of 2007, by the Barna Group. They were asked to identify the most important relationship in their life. Here are some findings:

• 7 out of 10 (72%) said their family or family members as their most significant connection in life. That's broken up as: 33% said their immediate family, 22% named their spouse as their most significant relationship, 17% identified their children, 3% said their parents.
• 19% said either God, Jesus, the Trinity, or Allah. 

That's overwhelming. The survey is titled, "God Relationship Not Most Important to Americans."

Os Guinness said this: "Idolatry is the most discussed problem in the Bible and it’s one of the most powerful, spiritual, and intellectual concepts in a believer’s arsenal." 

If you had to choose between the gift and the giver, who wins?

When we look in our lives, and examine ourselves to see if there are surface idols starting to pop up like weeds, one of the first things that we can look to is on what shelf we place those around us. 

I heard a story from a pastor in which he shared a conversation he had with a woman about false gods. She told him that she believed her children had become false gods - but not because she made them a priority over everything else, but rather, and this is important - it was more about letting them control her. What was going on with them determined if she had a good day or a bad day. If there were no tantrums, if there were no issues, she felt great about life in general. Otherwise, she didn't. If they were happy, so was she, and vice versa. 

Do you see what she's saying here?

Her children had the power to fill her with anger or peace. Happiness or sadness. She said that as time passed it felt like she was being changed as a person. And this is exactly what a false god does.

"People are slaves to whatever has mastered them."

2 Peter 2:19

A Jealous God

When a friend or family member is placed so high, that they consistently have control of our mindset, our emotions - maybe that's an indication that God's starting to lose His spot on the throne in our hearts. Maybe that root idol of approval is an issue, you just want to be liked to the point that your mood, emotions, and mindset can shift with those around you.

We so often look for things like satisfaction, meaning, and significance in the wrong places. Let God be the one to provide those things. What happens when someone occupies the throne in our heart? We hurt ourselves. Like Pam with Michael in "The Great Divorce" or the woman who let her kids determine her emotions and state of mind. 

But further, the old cliche rings true: hurt people hurt people. 

That's because we love others best, when we love God most.

What if you were to go to lunch with your friends or family, and you say to them in between bites, "Hey, just a quick FYI - I decided that I'm going to just go ahead and place all of my happiness, well being, and mental state in your hands. Sound good?" No one in their right mind is going to agree to that! If you ask me that question - the answer is no. Right now, no. Tomorrow, no. The next day, no.

Because - only God can provide that. 

Ask God that question and the answer is, yes! Right now, yes! Tomorrow, yes! The next day, yes!

And while no one is going to outright ask someone else that question, we ultimately have a tendency to do this with others without asking, right? I know that I've talked some about holding children up high, almost as trophies of our lives - but on the other side, they can feel the burden of living up to goals when the bar has been set unreasonably high, right? 

Shadowing My Dad

I just think of my poor dad as I shadowed him as a teenager one day at his dental practice to see if I would be interested in dentistry. There I was - watching him pull a tooth. And then there I was, once that tooth started moving, there I wasn't. I was no where near that room because it was clear in about half a second that I was not cut out for the medical world. 

In half a second I went from potential dental school candidate to Art major, what a shift. But it all worked out in God's plan, right? And I thank God that I was only met with support from my parents in life decisions like my major in college, or what I wanted to do in life. I can't imagine the weight I would have felt had it always been expressed to me that living up to what he accomplished - specifically - was the expectation for me. What would I have felt in that moment? Would I have grown up thinking that I could never please my parents? Maybe that root idol of approval or success would have consumed me - just seeking for them to provide something that only God does.

We shouldn't expect things, money, success, comfort, approval, control, or people to fill a God-shaped void. 

So what do we do? Love people less? Cut them out?

Of course not. That's not biblical. 

But we should love people differently. 

That doesn't mean less. That also doesn't mean to go home and tell your spouse, "You know, church really meant a lot to me today. In fact, you're no longer the most important thing to me." Try whispering that sweet little nothing into their ear and let me know how that goes.  Rather, maybe move those relationships off-center and put Jesus in His rightful place. Because ironically - that's the most loving thing we could do for anyone else. The supreme act of love for your spouse, family, friends, or anyone else is to set your heart on Christ. Look to Him to fulfill the things that only He can provide. My prayer and desire is to love my family enough to lay those relationships on the altar before God with everything else that I have and everything else that I am. That when I sing words like, "My hope is build on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness," That those words aren't just sung and then forgotten, but applied in my home. That my hope in life is found solely in the sacrifice of a Father's one and only son - and not in the successes, failures, expectations, approval, or achievements of anyone else.

You know, when we zoom out and look at the story of Abraham and Isaac in the context of history and the rest of the Bible, something absolutely amazing unfolds for us. God sent Moses very specifically to Mount Moriah. A three day hike. Why? 

After this story - a thousand years pass. In 2 Chronicles 3, we learn that King David bought some land to build an altar and worship God. It was the place where Abraham nearly sacrificed Isaac. On that spot, Solomon would eventually build the great temple of Jerusalem. The place where priests offered sacrifices throughout Israelite history took place on the same spot where Abraham offered up his son.

If you were to look carefully today at the geography of Mount Moriah, the Temple Mount is on the side and not at the top, on a gentle slope. On the north side of the city of Jerusalem the rock is just perfect for building. In fact, commentators say that this is the spot where they quarried the stones for Solomon's temple, and later for the building of the wall. As a result from the quarrying, the north side of Mount Moriah has this chunk missing out of it kind of these small caves in the rock that interestingly enough kind of resemble a skull. Thus, the name of the place became Golgatha, or in Latin, Calvary - the place of the skull. When the Romans crucified Jesus, the led Him out of the city to a place called Calvary, "the place of the skull."

What God asked of Abraham, but did not finally require - he did himself for the love of you and me. This whole series and this whole sermon, you've been asked to choose God - to place Him on the throne in your heart, but today I want you to know this: he has already chosen you.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 (ESV)