Second Winds: In Love, In Business, In Life

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Yes, it’s a time for romance: chocolate, cards, flowers, and all the rest. As with many other moments marked on the calendar, I believe it’s also a good time for reflection: To think about our relationships and what they’ve taught us beyond the hearts and flowers.

I’m lucky to have a great husband, Randy, who I met 15 years ago. But my path to Randy was one that began with some adversity: a divorce. Getting divorced was a very difficult chapter in my life, yet I know I'm not alone in having learned a good deal from that experience. As the saying goes: “In life, there are no mistakes, only lessons.”

What were my lessons learned? How exactly did I meet Randy? Read on for a Valentine’s Day tale.

My Story

I should start by acknowledging that my divorce wasn't an especially messy one. You might say, to borrow Chris and Gwyneth’s phrase, that my ex-husband and I consciously uncoupled. And we both worked hard to stay on friendly terms.

Of course, as anyone who has been divorced or been around a divorce knows, it's no walk in the park, no matter how amicable the split might be. I don’t need to dwell on how hard it is on children. Divorce can also put a strain on your career, particularly for parents. Without the support of a spouse, unexpected late nights at the office or business trips become all the more of a challenge.

Another challenge in divorce can be figuring out what to do next. When a major relationship like a marriage just stops, what takes its place, and how? Like many divorcées, I grappled with these questions.

For me, I found an answer in simply taking a chance—One day, I responded to an ad in the personals section of the newspaper. (My love story predates Match.com and the like.) The guy who also took a chance in placing that ad? Randy.

After a few hours of getting to know each other through increasingly soulful conversations on the phone, we were ready for our first date. For a meeting place, we chose the sculpture garden outside the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. In fact, we picked one sculpture in particular: "Typewriter Eraser" (shown in the photo above). It seemed a fitting choice, given that we were both ready to erase part of the past and start anew. Randy brought a red rose, and we went out to dinner. We've been together ever since.

Don't Forget Your Second Wind

So what about lessons learned? There are many, but Billy Joel has a song, "You're Only Human," that captures at least one. "Don't forget your second wind," he sings.

It’s good advice, and not just in the context of love. Stuff happens, to put it politely. Work decisions go wrong. Career choices don't work out the way we thought they would. Or maybe we just go through a period of blah. "I wouldn't be telling you this if I hadn't been there myself," says Billy in his song.

But, as divorce showed me, adversity can—and often does—lead to good things. It may require hard work, or taking some unlikely initiative, or even plain old luck, but you’ll get to the next chapter, hopefully a happy one. To give the last word to Mr. Joel: "Sooner or later you'll feel that momentum kick in."

Do you have Valentine’s Day reflections? Feel free to share in the comments, and Happy Valentine's day!

A securities lawyer, Cindy Fornelli has served as the Executive Director of the Center for Audit Quality since its establishment in 2007.

Photo: Chris Tse, "Typewriter Eraser, Scale X (1999)" on Flickr.