The Fear of Being Our Best

“If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you. If you don’t bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.”

Jesus in The Book of Thomas.

Everyday I’m filled with gratitude for having found a vocation I was made for...or one that was made for me. I thank existence for leading me towards the life situations, the people, the teachers who helped me discover this calling.

And as I speak with people I know this is not quite as common. There are real life obstacles in the path of almost anyone who embarks on the journey towards fulfilling their dreams and deepest desires....I had my share!

These struggles are tangible...like time, family commitments and money. But the obstacles that truly hold us back are the ones we place on ourselves; it’s self-sabotage of the highest order. When these internal self-imposed barriers are cleared away we can break through any of the external obstacles that hold us back.

This holding back of ones talents and abilities, this denial of ones own greatness, almost to the extent of evading ones destiny is what is known as the Jonah Complex. In the Bible the story of Jonah is symbolic of us all in some way. Jonah disobeys God and runs away from accepting his responsibility and suffers immense hardship for not listening to his higher and intuitive self.

The point of Jonah’s story is that a call cannot be calmed, can’t be conquered, ignored or escaped. Whatever we do the call comes back.

The Jonah Complex is the choice we make to run away from our own destiny. And then, as though to justify that, fear of some kind comes up. It takes many shapes like self-doubt or a zillion excuses. We all have this in us to some degree...we all try to some extent to divert our attention either because of laziness, inertia or fear of our own incapacity.

Abraham Maslow, the American psychologist, reasoned that most people have a deep longing and ambition to be great, but they sabotage this private desire by comparing themselves to others who, in their eyes, have achieved that greatness and that’s their downturn. They lower their aspirations, start feeling stupid and adopt a self-defeating attitude and run away from realising their full potential.

As I look back at times that took immense courage to just pull through, I wonder how I could have done that and survived! And yet I forget I did that....I again shiver with weakness at the very same possibilities! Why this innate pull towards flight??

I think the reason we don’t actualise our full potential is most often social pressure, family or even friends. But we ourselves are responsible for this. We allow ourselves to be influenced by others ideas and projections...and this all happened in our very vulnerable childhood, where we thought we had to conform or we’d be unacceptable or unloved so we let go of a part of ourselves.

Though this was society’s way, not ours!

It’s important that you identify what’s holding you back and then decide whether living your best is worth breaking through the obstacles and fears. You either muster up the courage to go after your calling or you don’t. Period. It’s a matter of choice and will.

The seers from the beginning of time have reminded us that greatness can be achieved by anyone; it is our birth right, but are we willing to walk the extra mile to get it? We fall and learn and fall again and learn again.

I hope this inspires you to embrace the work that expands your spirit and leaves you more alive; work that stretches you and not only fills your hunger but fills another’s appetite too. We all need to know that there is a purpose for your being here and that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, doing what we were meant to.

Good luck!

Until next time!

Cheers! 

Ritu Malhotra