Feel the friction?

There’s a word I never used to hear and now hear all the time:

“We’re thinking of moving. There’s just too much friction to life here now”

“We need some help - there’s a lot of friction in our Exec Team at the moment”

“People are feeling pretty raw, trust is low, and it’s causing tons of friction” 

Correct. It’s friction. 

So what’s the rub? (ha.) Why is everyone ‘suddenly’ talking about friction? And is it just me? Or are you hearing it a lot as well? 

My theory - people don’t want to keep saying stress. But it’s stress. Tension. All the things you heard on repeat for the past few years. And now we’re out of words to describe the situation so we’re using friction. I’ve started probing deeper, and here’s what I’ve heard. 

On why their moving: 

• The traffic 
• The cost 
• The crowds

On Executive teams:

• Splitting into factions at the top
• Uncertainty on direction, mission, goals 
• Stalemates leading to stalling 

On orgs + teams:

• Turnover 
• Lack of collaboration 
• Lower output 
• Bad culture

It checks-out. We’ve seen it in our own lives and across our clients. It’s a list of things that are uncomfortable, difficult, and that we just plain don’t like. Things that are hard. And we’re grouping it all under friction.

Problem is, used like this, friction sounds like something really bad. And it can be. But it isn’t always. Friction can be good. It pushes you to look for alternatives, to try new things. Sometimes we need tension and friction as a forcing mechanism. 

We live in a pretty weird, paradoxical time. We have more freedoms than our ancestors could have imagined. We have technology in our pockets that connects us to all of human knowledge and millions of people instantly around the world. And yet we’re struggling to connect and communicate. We’ve written a lot about the loneliness epidemic and how technology is creating a vacuum of connection. As anyone who reads the newsletter knows, we’re big believers that the inverse reaction, flip side, bounce back - whatever you want to call it  - of our rapid increases in tech is a deep, primal need to connect on very human levels. But more basic than that even, a trend I’m noticing is our struggle to talk in any real way. 

Communication is the foundation of all of our most popular Kunik Conversation series - from ‘Navigating Difficult Conversations’, to ‘The Art of Innovation’, ‘Accountability for High Performance Teams’, and ‘ERG Leadership’. It’s fundamental. 

We’ve forgotten how to listen & talk effectively. That’s in part why we’re all buzzing about ‘friction’. It’s a reflection of our communication challenges. 

Too many of us take disagreement as dislike. We refuse to consider the other side of an argument or to sit with information that doesn’t align with our own. I’m not even talking about our fundamental core beliefs, I’m talking about the way a project gets completed, or how we reach our annual KPIs. 

Somewhere along the way - probably amidst the stress and uncertainty of COVID and massive changes to work - many companies started to steer clear of anything that looked like debate. We feared it. But one thing I’ve learned sitting in on sessions across a massive range of organizations? Your people can wrestle with complicated ideas, they can survive being a little thrown off, maybe even slightly offended. And that’s OK. It might even be good. 

Taking disagreement as dislike, seeing friction as something terrible, and avoiding debate is awful for your org. It’s killing performance, productivity and innovation. 

People want to be heard more than they want to be agreed with. We’re not right all the time. We won’t agree all the time. But we can listen all the time. Want to increase collaboration and drive  innovation on your team? There’s nothing more powerful than listening. It says ‘I respect you, I value you, I care.’ 

We’ve seen this playout across hundreds of teams and one thing holds true - the teams that really outperform aren’t in constant agreement or perfectly in-sync. They have friction. Often quite a bit of it. What sets them apart is how they handle it.

“Don’t go to bed angry” - terrible marriage advice, great business advice. Outstanding teams all share one secret - rock solid communication. From the world's best restaurants to winningest sports teams, tech darlings + finance mega players. Every high performance team has to know how to talk. That means they don’t leave work feeling harboring feelings of resentment or frustration - they talk it out. It doesn’t even matter if you agree at the end of it - sharing and feeling heard will make both sides feel lighter and more ready to collaborate and move forward. That’s using friction as a positive. 

We’re continually working with our experts to meet changing needs in the workplace, and this is a big one we’re seeing right now. I don’t foresee tensions diminishing in the near future. I think we’ll keep hearing about friction. Rather than wasting energy ignoring or avoiding it, I think teams are better served to look at how they’re working through it. It’s a new series we’re working on with several clients. If you’re interested, happy to share more. 

I’d also love to hear from all of you: are you nodding along? Are these experiences and challenges you’ve had on your team or seen in your org? If you’re willing to share with us, we’re all ears! 

Let us know, how are you working through friction?

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