The Formerly United States of America

No political agenda here. Just a spirit of listening, creativity, and solutions. Plus a little bit of strategy and decision-making: If we can’t solve one problem, let's re-frame it and solve the re-framed problem.

There came a time when the United States finally took its partisan bickering seriously.

The time came on national TV during a hot-issue debate between red and blue politicians. It barely mattered what the hot issue was since the politicians were merely screaming campaign slogans at each other.

The host, secretly salivating about such great TV, played his part by affecting dignity and rectitude. “What are you doing to our nation,” he thundered for the microphones. “How are you helping our children,” he demanded on behalf of the studio audience.

A woman in the studio audience disobeyed the KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT DURING THE DEBATE sign flashing overhead. “Get a divorce!” she yelled.

A stunned silence froze the studio. The dumbfounded politicians stared at each other.

Someone in the crowd began a chant. “Get a divorce! Get a divorce!” One person shouted, “How about a separation?” The crowd laughed. “Get a divorce! Get a divorce!” The host watched the producer count down the time. With three seconds left he turned to the politicians and pronounced, “You have heard the people. It’s up to you.” And they were off the air.

So the United States of America got a divorce.

It’s not easy to put asunder states that have been joined for so long. There are laws, armed forces, an electric grid, a currency, roads, postage stamps, and passports. Everybody recognized that there were benefits to staying friends. Nobody wanted to start dating other countries, at least not until they were ready.

What they really wanted was two Constitutions. They wanted two presidents, Congresses, and Supreme Courts. They wanted two tax codes. The rest they were willing to share.

State lines stayed the same, but each state could pledge its allegiance to the Blue States of America or the Red States of America. They could switch allegiance in each four-year election cycle. You might live in Kansas, BSA, and after the next Reconstitution Day, live in Kansas, RSA.

Red and Blue agreed to keep the dollar, 120 volts AC, and driving on the right side of the street. They wouldn’t rename anything. North Dakota would remain North Dakota even if it changed color.

General elections in each state became contests between slates of Red and Blue candidates. If the Red slate won where you lived, your state would turn or stay Red. This arrangement meant there was no longer a reason to contest bitterly the “swing” states because there was no longer anything to “swing.” Pennsylvania mattered only to Pennsylvanians.

If people wanted their state to switch color, they’d have to convince candidates to pursue their state. Basket-case states suddenly found themselves unpopular. Why bring in a hard-to-manage or economically strapped state? (“Welfare state” took on new meaning.) Some wags predicted that sooner or later a candidate would ask a state to vote for her or his opponent. “You’re very nice people but I think you’d be happier with the other side. Do come visit.”

Legislative logjams dissolved. Blue states mandated universal health coverage and debated only whether other species should be included. Red states prohibited universal health coverage and debated only whether prohibition would begin at birth or at that gleam in the parents’ eyes. Blue states observed a rise in routine check-ups, and Red states a fall, before closely fought elections.

The RSA, ever keeping costs down, equipped police cars with credit-card readers and required pre-payment before rendering assistance.

The BSA, ever guarding people’s’ health, required new refrigerators to include calorie, artificial-additive, and saturated-fat monitors.

The BSA enacted consumer protection so rigorous that most people were not allowed to buy most products, which most companies were not allowed to sell anyway. But people who could score, say, a toothbrush, reported feeling truly safe using it.

The RSA discarded consumer protection and the labels on many products became highly optimistic. But people found products plentiful, and always at a good price.

Of course there are always adjustments after a divorce. But all in all, Red and Blue worked it out, and life went on.

Years later the woman who yelled “Get a divorce!” took ill and died. Her ashes were spread over all 50 states. Plaques were put on school walls everywhere: KEEP YOUR MIND OPEN DURING THE DEBATE.