Eat Your Broccoli

"I do not like broccoli,” said a real, genuinely famous person. “And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid. And my mother made me eat it.”

Why did the eat-your-broccoli mother demand that her child eat broccoli? Presumably not to torment her child, but rather to help the child grow up healthy and strong and perhaps even genuinely famous.

These days, well-intentioned people issue a broad version of the mother’s demand: Get out of your comfort zone. Proud mothers and fathers, you-can-do-it life coaches, and the human resources department yearn to see some brazenly comfortable person s-t-r-e-t-c-h and be made uncomfortable. It’s good for you. Eat your broccoli.

Are you inside your comfort zone? Tsk, tsk, say comfort-zone provocateurs, go do something you don’t like. The further you get outside your comfort zone, well, the further you get outside your comfort zone. It’s rather like getting a tattoo, which (I’m told) hurts and which (I assume) some people regret later on. (Pew Research Center says 32% of Americans have tattoos, and 24% of people who have tattoos wish they didn’t.)

The genuinely famous person I mentioned added this: “And my mother made me eat it [broccoli]. Now I'm President of the United States. And I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” George Herbert Walker Bush (1924-2018) was president from 1989 to 1993. He was also a war hero in World War II and held many senior government positions. He was not a wimp.

Let's consider three things.

1)      Is there value in getting out of your comfort zone?

2)      Is there an alternative to discomfort zones?

3)      Who’s in charge?

Value in getting out of your comfort zone. Perhaps your boss wants to prepare you to take on greater responsibility. Spend a couple of years in another country, or prepare for a managerial position, or practice skills such as public speaking or computer programming. A great opportunity, balanced against that unfortunate “get out of your comfort zone” rhetoric from friends and colleagues. Why must we tack on the sour presumption that you’re about to be uncomfortable?

Getting out of your comfort zone is optional, not required, for your learning process. Why? Because eating broccoli is not your real goal. Your real goal is to learn or accomplish something.

I’ve delivered speeches and workshops and business war games for many years, and I still get anxious. But my anxiety keeps me from getting lazy, and my passion for my work far outweighs my discomfort. Sure, I’ll sweat and fret. As soon as I’m on stage, it’s great.

An alternative to discomfort zones. Consider the phrase “get out of your comfort zone” a bad translation of a useful idea. Think this instead: “expand your comfort zone”. You learn something every day. You observe. You think. You grow.

And ask questions. Here’s one I’ve found invaluable. It takes just a few seconds inside your head.

We all come across behavior and beliefs that we find, shall we delicately say, perplexing. It’s easy to dismiss or even deride such people. So, pause for a moment. Put yourself inside that person’s behavior and beliefs. Ask yourself why a smart person would do or say such odd things. It doesn’t mean that all perplexing persons are actually smart or agreeable. But some are, and you can learn by trying on new ways to think. That starts you on a path to wisdom.

We think better when we relax, so try adding some humor to the wisdom. From comedian Steve Martin: “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

Who’s in charge? A fact about me: I am not a psychologist. I’ve focused my career on competitive strategy for almost 50 years.

Did you notice the phrasing of “I’ve focused my career on…”? Contrast that with “My career has focused on…”. In the former, I take responsibility for my career path. In the latter, my career path is taking responsibility for me.

Yes, the difference is subtle, at first. The more you switch from passive thinking (“this can be done”) to active thinking (“I can do this”), the more empowered you will feel. Excuse me: The more you can empower yourself.

Who’s in charge? I’m pretty sure it’s not the broccoli.

See also Nice Start: Questions Only You Can Answer to Create the Life Only You Can Live, by me (2015). Distributed by Harvard Business School at HBS reunions.