Freneagues: The complexity of Modern-Day Friendships at Work

The term FRIENDS is as loosely used as love. As someone who is comfortable meeting new people and building relationships, I often find myself grappling with the challenges of close professional relationships quickly blurring into the ‘friend zone’.

Don’t get me wrong, I am friendly in general. But being friendly is not the same as being friends. Having said that, it is equally true that I have forged some of my closest friendships at past workplaces as well as with clients and peers in the industry, many of whom I have known for over a decade.

Making friends as adults, particularly in the workplace or within the same industry, presents unique challenges and complexities. Unlike our younger years, where friendships often formed organically, making friends as you grow older is often a frustrating and sometimes, a heart-breaking experience.

Friendships of a 30 something year old:

As we grow older, our lives become increasingly compartmentalized. Balancing careers, family obligations, and personal interests leaves little room for the spontaneity. Additionally, the emotional resilience required to open up to new people can wane and once bitten twice shy takes deep root, making us more cautious about forming close connections.

While growing up, we made friends at School, tuition or hobby classes and then college, because those were our social spaces. Similarly, the office, professional associations and events & conferences are adult social spaces for most of us who may not be lifelong members of social clubs or active in our residential communities. The fact is, it becomes harder to forge meaningful friendships as we grow older.

Repeated interactions at work gigs, traveling together, shared professional challenges and common networks can naturally lead to camaraderie. Another huge factor that contributes to developing friendships with industry folks is that there are a lot of shared interests and common purpose.

However, making friends at work is not without its difficulties. Professional boundaries can blur, leading to potential conflicts of interest or misunderstandings. The fear of jeopardizing one's career by mixing personal and professional lives can also act as a deterrent. Moreover, workplace dynamics and sometimes conflict of interest if working in competing organizations can sometimes strain these relationships. The shelf life of such friendships is also usually limited as careers evolve and people drift apart. But that is the case with most friendships anyway.

Loneliness in the times of AI

The world has become an increasingly lonely place. Approximately 1.25 billion people felt they were 'lonely' or 'very lonely' in 2023, according to the Global State of Connections Report. Statistics from the World Health Organisation (WHO) show that approximately 10% of adolescents and 25% of older people are lonely.

These are not small numbers. Most of us, despite having a supportive family and large social circles, find ourselves misunderstood and alone. Friends from the same profession may not fill all the voids, but they are better placed to understand professional pressures, opportunities and be great company when you spend most of your life at work.

Why am I writing this? Because yesterday was Friendship Day and when I counted who my friends are, majority were those I met through work over the years. Some of the best advice, parties and heartfelt conversations have been had with Freneagues. Yes, have lost several over the years too. But the gains outdo the losses.

In today's fast-paced world, where the lines between work and personal life are increasingly blurred, forming friendships at work or within the same industry can be both a challenge and a boon. My advice? Manage your expectations because friendships come in different ways and forms and durations. So,don’t second guess yourself before you smile at that peer you bump into at every other event or airport. You never know, a smile could turn into an impactful friendship in your life.