From Rejected to Rendered: A Dream Come True

Do y'all remember that scene in The Pursuit of Happyness where Will Smith gets the job offer of his dreams after working tirelessly to provide a better life for his son?

That's the closest thing I can relate this feeling to.

"Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the Doctor of Philosophy program in Counseling Psychology in the Department of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University."

I keep rereading these words in some attempt to make them seem more real. Right now, my mind is reeling with the fact that after being rejected from every university I applied to in 2019, 2020 has allowed me to realize a dream I never thought possible. I am overjoyed to share with you all a snippet of my experiences applying to PhD programs and the lessons learned from them.

Process

Getting into a doctoral or professional degree program is extremely difficult. For clinical and counseling psychology doctoral programs, most schools boast somewhere between a 1-6% acceptance rate. Similarly, the Clinical/Counseling Ph.D. application process is equally arduous. To break it down, you first take the graduate record examination (GRE), then apply to 10+ programs that have a faculty member who matches your research interests. Finding programs and crafting unique personal statements for each is beyond exhausting. After that comes waiting for interviews. Applications were all due sometime between November 15-December 15 and interview invitations typically rolled out in late December through the end of January. These interviews are usually 2-3 days of jammed packed activities to get you acquainted with the program and allow you a chance to interview one on one and in groups with faculty and current students. After interviews, comes the even longer wait (in most cases) for status updates wherein you learn your fate: accepted, rejected, or waitlisted. By April 15, you will know where (or where not) you will be attending graduate school.

Rejection

As mentioned before, this is not my first effort in pursuing this degree. Fall of 2018, I was determined that I would be entering a Ph.D. program the next year. I had just watched my best friend enter the same program immediately following undergrad and I saw the same future for myself. I applied to five schools with high hopes. But as January rolled around with no interview invites, it slowly and painfully sunk in that I was not selected.

I was used to succeeding. Of course, I had failed many times, but I knew that when I really put my mind to it, I could accomplish anything. That season was one of the hardest times for me. All of a sudden, I found myself combing through job listings and venturing on a path I hadn't envisioned for myself. I watched friends get acceptances to their dream programs, acquire dream jobs, travel the world, and I was left here. I remember feeling so guilty that my mom had worked hard to help fund my applications and I had nothing but rejection letters to show for it. I refused to wholly celebrate my college graduation because I felt that all my efforts had accumulated in failure and a celebration presented itself as contradictory.

Rejection can send us into a downward spiral if we let it. I remember contemplating career paths on my best friends' couch as we ate pasta and drank Moscato. "What about journalism? Or maybe television reporting?" I would ask them. It was the most defeating feeling to have everything you've worked for result in rejection. I was convinced psychology was not for me and decided to leave the subject once my honors thesis was defended in April.

I'm not sure what kind of job I was thinking I could get in television production as a 21-year-old with absolutely no experience. Unpaid internships and set assistant jobs were the only positions I qualified for. Still, it had to be better than being in psychology. I had grown fearful of the field, convinced that I was too inadequate to make it in the discipline that I had once dedicated my life to. Eventually, I applied to a few jobs in psychology with the idea that it would be better to have a job in something than nothing at all. I interviewed for jobs all the way up to two weeks before graduation before landing a position in, go figure, mental health research.

"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit."- Napoleon Hill

Redirection

Rejection can also set you on a new, more enlightened path if you let it. Sometime, this past summer, I decided I would try again. Despite my rejections, I couldn't escape the spiritual feeling that this was the right career for me. At my job, I was surrounded by incredibly successful researchers who were making a difference in the communities they served. And after many conversations, I learned that they too had often failed to receive admission to a program on their first or even second try. My job allowed me to fall back in love with psychology. It made me remember my "why" for doing this work as well as create more "why's". I was exposed to a community of mentors all willing to help me and that was something I never had at my university beforehand. I had access to learning new methods and expanding my subject matter. I increased my network and my skill set and by October, I felt confident that I was on the right path. I was beginning to realize that everything had happened exactly as it should have. I got to experience and cultivate firsthand the phenomenon and character trait I studied, resilience.

This application cycle, I went in with a completely different mindset. Admission was not an all or nothing. It would be one of many opportunities. I could stay at my current job which had proven to be imperative to my personal and career growth, or perhaps, I was ready to pursue higher education. Either way, it was a win-win. In a testament to the new faith I had developed, I applied to 11 doctoral programs all different than the ones I had applied to before. I didn't apply to schools I simply thought I could get in at based on scores, I applied to programs I thought could help mold me into the researcher and activist I knew I had the capacity to be. A week before the deadline, a mentor of mine offered the idea of applying to Columbia University. "I can't do that! I'm all for aiming high but I could never get in there" I exclaimed. How was she so confident I could succeed at an Ivy League when I had literally just gotten rejected from every single program I applied to? Nevertheless, I put my faith in action once more and decided to apply.

In late January, I found out I had received an invitation to interview for Columbia's doctoral program. The group interview was intense. As applicants introduced themselves, I became more and more unsure of my qualifications. All of them had attended ivy league schools and/or gotten their master's degrees. They worked for the CDC, Mass General Hospital, and other reputable names. All I could think was "What am I doing here. This was obviously a fluke." I decided to hold my head up, speak with dignity and represent myself proudly as the only applicant from the South, the only applicant from a public school, and the only applicant identifying as Black. I had to remain proud of myself for getting this far.

The very next day I got the call that sent shock waves down my body: A personal offer of admission from the professor with whom I had applied to work with. It's custom to hear back 1-3 weeks post-interview. A phone call less than 24 hours after was practically unheard of.

But God.

Liberation

It feels amazing to have your dreams realized. However, it doesn't quite feel how I imagined. I thought that I would feel so different after getting in. That I would emerge as this exceptionally qualified person that now is worthy and capable of succeeding. In reality, I feel the same because I am. I always had the power to succeed, and arguably, if I had been admitted last year, I would have done just fine. Ultimately, I had to give myself permission to let my light shine, cast out fear, and show up as the woman determined to fulfill her purpose.

This process has shown me so much. I no longer base my worth on accomplishments. I seize every opportunity to cultivate my mind and foster growth. I make a daily choice to be resilient and achieve personal greatness which is far better than any university acceptance. I know I had to learn these hard lessons before entering a demanding program where I will be surrounded by some of the most brilliant minds in the field. I had to learn to have faith in God and his purpose for my life. As I set out to study social justice and improve the life trajectories of those who have experienced oppression and adversity, I take with me a seasoned faith and positive mindset that would have only been made possible by experiencing rejection and failure.

A secret formula?

All that matters is faith, expressed through love. Galatians 5:6

Someone asked me what the difference was between this year and last year as going from 0 to 9 interview offers is pretty unusual. All I can say is, I started acting in service rather than sale. I asked myself what I could give to the world with my abilities instead of what I could receive in return. This caused me to experience life much differently by nurturing my faith and activating a growth mindset. I found purpose which in turn allowed every one of my actions and interactions to work in tandem with my pursuits to produce an abundance of opportunity.

In reality, my CV and transcript hadn't changed that much. Sure, everything did look better this application cycle in terms of experience, GRE scores, and grades. However, not enough to go from 0 to Ivy League in 9 months. What changed was my approach: living a life with infused with love so that I may leave a lasting, positive legacy. I volunteered, read daily to expand my mind, chronicled my growth through writing, and exercised faith through action. Of course, progress isn't linear. I most definitely did not do this 100% of the time. In fact, I became so fearful that I took a break from writing "Becoming Dr. Baker" as I explored the possibility that I would be denied once again. However, through constant practice and reflection, I was able to maintain advancement towards a better self.

I am happy to be apart of the Columbia University Class of 2025!

Special Thank You

Thank you to my friends, family, co-workers, mentors, and all the seemingly random connections God put in my life that encouraged me to continue chasing my dreams.

Young yet passionate, Brianna is a social justice advocate committed to eradicating racial health disparities and improving life trajectories for racial minorities and other marginalized groups through behavioral health research. When not attempting to save the world, she's either raving about her pit-mix, Zola or solving mysteries on Investigation Discovery.