God's Plan for an Excellent Marriage Zac Poonen

God's Plan for an Excellent Marriage

Zac Poonen

We read in Genesis 2 that it was not Adam who went to God and said, "Lord I'm feeling lonely. Can You please give me a wife?" Isn't that interesting that when God looked at man, it was He Who said, in Gen. 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him." Now why didn't God make Adam and Eve, simultaneously, at the same time? He could have done it very easily. It says He took the dust of the ground and made Adam; at the same time He could have made Eve and breathed into both of them the breath of life, so that as soon as their eyes were opened they would see each other. Why did He make Adam first, alone, and little while later put him to sleep, and pull out his rib, and make a woman? There is a reason, there's something spiritual that God was trying to tell both Adam and Eve, which is the secret of how two can become one. And what was that? When God made Adam, and his eyes were opened, he suddenly got life. Who was the first person he saw? You know the answer. God! He met God. He talked to God. He had no wife. It was just him and God. Much later he got a wife. So what was God trying to teach Adam through that? He was trying to teach Adam one simple lesson that ‘I must be first in your life at all times. Before you see a wife, you must see Me. More than you value your wife, you must value Me’. That's why He made Adam alone and fellowshipped with him before a wife even existed. What shall we learn from this? That throughout our life even if you're married for 50 years or 75 years, God must always be first every day. Many people start with their wives first if they have fallen in love with each other. In some cases the parents are first.

Let us consider the creation of Eve. God put Adam to sleep, it says. A deep sleep, it's mentioned in verse 21, so that he couldn't even wake up. And God took one of his ribs, Genesis 2:21, closed up the flesh and He made a woman out of that rib. Now as soon as God made a woman out of that rib, when God breathed into Eve, she got life and her eyes were opened. Whom did she see first? Not Adam. She did not even know of the existence of Adam. She thought she was the only human being created. She did not know anything about Adam. Her eyes were opened and she saw God. Exactly like when Adam was created. Adam was somewhere else in the garden fast asleep. He did not know about her existence, and she did not know about his existence. She met God. God was the first person to speak to her and only much later did God bring her to Adam. So what was God trying to teach Eve? The same lesson He was trying to teach Adam. ‘I must be first in your life. You must have fellowship with Me before you fellowship with your husband’. Do you understand now God's plan for an excellent marriage? Adam had to fellowship with God before he fellowshipped with Eve. Eve had to fellowship with God, before she fellowshipped with Adam. It's all written there. From the beginning, this is how God intended.

And when God Himself is between a husband and wife, where each person and partner in the marriage seeks to put the Lord first in their personal life, you know what will happen? They will be glued together. God is the greatest binding force in the universe. When He holds two people together, it is impossible for anybody to separate them; not the devil, not demons, not the whole world, not circumstances, not poverty, not even death. And if God is not there to hold people together, then people are held together by other forces. And the other forces are not as strong. I don't know whether you have seen an advertisement for this adhesive called Fevicol. One of the advertisements I've seen, it is pictured in some of the bottles of Fevicol that they sell where two things are stuck together and on each side an elephant is trying to pull it. And they can't separate it. When a husband and wife are joined together by God, it's even greater than that. No elephants can separate them. No demons can separate them. No human beings can separate them. But they must have God in the middle. God is a greater joiner than Fevicol, or Araldite, or anything, or superglue. God in-between a husband and a wife will join them both together in such a way that nothing can separate them. And so they have to be very careful that between both of them as husband and wife, or wife and husband, nothing other than God comes. What is the binding force in many marriages in young people? It's very often good looks. A boy likes a girl because she's got good looks. Now a good look is not good enough to hold a marriage for 50 years. Look at these marriages where people marry someone for good looks and three months later they are fighting with each other. It can't hold. Now we're not against good looks. By all means marry a good-looking girl. But that's not the main factor. It will never hold a marriage together. What do many girls choose a boy for? Good job. Good family. A lot of money. You think that's going to hold a marriage together? Never! Some boys will marry girls because they get a big dowry. That will never hold a marriage together. It's impossible. The way God did it from the beginning is the way a marriage is held together, where the Lord is first, and where each person has a relationship with God, which is greater than their relationship with each other. In other words, if you're a husband, you must not seek to be first in your wife's affection. The Lord must be first in her affections. And if you're a wife, the Lord must be first in your husband's affection, and you must be second. And those who put the Lord first and walk in the light, the Bible says in 1 John 1:7, "If we walk in the light as God is in the light, we have fellowship one with another..." And the two are held together.

Now what are the things that can come between a husband and wife? It could be parents. It says in Genesis 2:24, "…A man must leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife. Then only they can become one flesh." Notice there what it says in that verse, you have to leave something and then you can cleave. If you try to cleave without leaving, you’ll never become one. Isn't that amazing? That is the one commandment given in scripture for us before sin came into the world. Leave your father and mother. I want to ask you who are married. Have you left your father and mother? I don't mean physically, by all means care for them, take care of them till their dying day. We should. We have to honor our parents. But don't let them come between you and your married life. You must leave them emotionally. They brought you up for so many years, that's good. But now that you're married, you got to leave them. And it’s because many husbands have not left their emotional attachment to their parents that there is confusion in their married life. Many a wife has not left her emotional attachment to her parents; they are not united to their husbands.

This is the tragedy. The Lord is not first, and there are parents in between, interfering in their life. Sometimes a job. May be your job, which is so important for you. But anything other than God, it may be money, it may be being occupied with so many things, may be your children that come between you as husband and wife.  But it should never be.

What is the answer to a happy marriage? Put the Lord first in every situation, walk in the light, judge yourself and you'll find a binding force between you and your marriage partner that nothing can destroy.

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