Habits - and how they unconsciously make us who we are

I have always envied and admired my husband’s passion for fitness. Over the years, I have seen him keep at it, not because he loves those abs, or is super proud of his workouts (which of course he is!), but because this one activity keeps him feeling exactly how he wants to feel about himself. It’s become a habit now - to do whatever it takes to stay fit. This flows into our conversations, also how we bring up the boys, what kind of junk food is allowed and how frequently, how to respect our bodies and how to work up a healthy body image. 

So it didn’t come as a surprise when he gifted me a gym membership with just one request- to keep going to the gym and doing something or the other consistently. I could choose how I defined consistent- it could be 3 days a week, it could be one strength training day a month, it could be cross trainer and an audio book for most of it. I only had to keep going. I asked him- what’s the goal? Why are we doing this? 

He said - "Fitness is an evolving goal post. There’s no goal. Just enjoy the process."

Another close friend of mine is a fantastic cook. She walks into the kitchen and starts putting things together. There’s no recipe, she flows with what she sees on the shelves and the end result is always delicious. So much so that she has turned it into a full fledged occupation now. She starts by saying that she is going to make chicken, and we have no idea what kind of cuisine it’s going to be. Just that it is going to be amazing. She loves the process of cooking. She enjoys having the food melt in our mouth. 

Over the years, she has perfected the art of choosing spices, condiments, appealing to taste buds, teasing taste out of stubborn ingredients and she almost never tastes while she’s cooking. The process is enough for her. 

That’s how habits are formed. In my husband’s case, he began seeing the rewards of a routine and now it has become part of our lifestyle. As for my friend, she loves watching us eat and polish off plates, and that too has become a part of our lifestyle now. But at their basic, these are habits, polished, prodded and perfected over time. 

My elder one is grown up now and we are just introducing him to the concept of money, earning and saving. He was in for a surprise when we told him that we used to save from our pocket money when back in school. With those savings we bought ourselves treats. Actually shock is more like it. We stressed that now that he was growing up, he would have to learn to save up too so that he can take care of his urgent needs if we were away. 

How do I save, mom? 

Well, you spend less than what you earn. In this case, you spend less than the pocket money. You cut out the non-essentials and slowly over time you build up some capital. 

He didn’t seem convinced. But we are getting through it. 

Habits are automatic behaviours. You tend to get the same outcome every time you repeat it. So to change the outcome, change the habit. We develop habits to conserve energy, we develop routines for the same. So that everyday we don’t fumble about on how to do what and when and how. With our son, we are following the “let’s see how gratifying delayed gratification is”. The next video game that he wants will be contributed to by him too. So he’s earned it too and it’s not a gift anymore. The idea is for him to experience the freedom of being financially able, and all through self discipline. 

We don’t take as much cognisance of it, but right from brushing our teeth to how we want to be tucked in at night, all of those are pretty much habits. Habits happen without thinking. It is when we can take charge of the thinking that habits stand to change/ evolve and ultimately lead to other results. Habits make us self - directing leaders. The Power of Habit, of marginal changes in our daily lives makes up for a larger sum. We start by making smaller changes in everyday life, we keep at it consistently until we fall into the habit loop.

Which habits have shaped your successes?

Which ones do you swear by?

How do you stop yourself when you know you are slipping up into a bad habit loop?

What role does the environment play in shaping your habits?

With this series on habits, I will take a deeper look at the Power of Habits and how they shape our lives.

About the author:

My passion is to create opportunities and catalyse relationships that help us thrive! I believe that personal, organisational and societal change is an interactive development process and through my interventions I seek to build awareness and action across all. I have had the privilege to have coached and trained leaders and management teams in 40 plus countries globally and on all continents.

Over the last two decades, I have engaged with leadership development, L&D and talent management across the entire spectrum from diagnosis to design to implementation. Currently I run my own niche Executive Coaching Practice to accelerate the leaders path to success through my focus on #LeadershipBranding.

Drop me a message at shivangi@shivangiwalke.com or to schedule a call with me please use : calendly.com/shivangi/15-mins-call

Here are 2 initiatives I have founded : www.thrivewithmentoring.com, a non-profit that catalyses women to women mentoring (currently present in 5 countries) and www.xponential.cc (through which I bring award winning leadership trainings such as Crucial Conversations and Power of Habit).