The Hardest Day of My Life

Trigger Warning – This is about Baby Loss

There will be people who say this shouldn't live on LinkedIn but…

This is the platform on which I have the closest connection with people.

This is the platform where I teach people to be their authentic human selves.

This is the platform that I can reach more people through and I post this in the hope that it reaches and helps at least one person. 

I also feel a strong importance in leading from the front.

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Yesterday, Charlie would have been five. In nine days, Sophie would have been six. Charlie would have just started school. They were both taken too early. Lizz and I suffered the most unimaginable pain life has to throw at you. Twice.

I truly believe that what happened, did so for a reason. If Charlie had survived, we would have gone into Covid with a very sick boy and the pressure, stress and heartache that would have put on us all doesn’t bear thinking about.

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I write this post for several reasons.

I write it because I've learned so many lessons from what we went through. Lessons I apply every day whether at work or home.

I write this for anyone who has experienced loss and grief.

I write it for the men out there who are facing challenges with their mental health and don’t know who to talk to about it. By the way, this week I'm not ok and that....is ok.

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For the last five years, I’ve invested heavily in self-care and in particular therapy. I’m currently working with the amazing Katie Williams . It's the best money I spend.

I still cry now. I cried yesterday. Does that make me any less of a businessman? No. Does it mean I need to take stock regularly, recognise when I’m not on my A game, stop hustling and start pacing – Yes. In a world that constantly pushes the hustle (which by the way I think is very dangerous) this has become even more important.

Sometimes it can hit me from nowhere and for no reason, but I've learned to live with it and surrounded myself with amazing people I can talk to. Through the work with Katie and my own research, I’ve learnt techniques I can use to help in these times. I’m currently working on something called ‘Parts Therapy’ and I love it.

More than anything, over those years I've learned the power of perspective. Every year, on this anniversary, it reminds Lizz and I to take a step back and think about the things we’re truly grateful for. These are often the smallest things, the flowering of a newly bought plant, the smell of cut grass, the ear-to-ear smiles from our kids as we play Mario Party on a Saturday night. At this time, many of the day-to-day things that worry me dissipate. I’m not saying they aren’t worthy of my time, but they are set aside for another day.

Lots of ‘business gurus’ (ps. I’m not professing to be one) will tell you that when times are tough, to jump in your hypothetical helicopter and look down at yourself, a tiny speck on the earth. This helps you gain perspective.

I've learned that everyone has their own battles and because you often don’t see other people’s challenges, you don’t consider how your actions could impact someone going through something difficult. Of course, you can’t tip-toe around wondering if everyone’s having an off day/week/month but you can make it your default to apply kindness and consideration in everything you do. You can learn empathy and train those emotional intelligence muscles.  

I guess what I’m saying is that a lot of people see the strong side to me – the one that stands on stages and talks with authority on the topics he loves but I too have my challenges and in sharing these here, I hope it gets others feeling comfortable, not necessarily to share publicly as I have, but to talk to someone close.

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I really hope this post hasn't been a trigger. I hope it finds one person who is suffering in silence and gives them the courage to talk to someone who can help. Over the years I’ve followed many amazing people on here who show unbelievable vulnerability. Ian Smith , Rob Stephenson⁷ 🐙 , Jodie Hill to name but a few – these are the people who have given me the courage to share stories like this.

Life moves on and Lizz and I are blessed with two beautiful children Oscar and Alexa. Please don’t feel sorry for us, that’s not what I want. I want you to ping this to someone you know that might find it helpful.

Normal service will resume when I feel up to it I promise.

And for everyone who has supported Lizz and I in the last five years, we cannot thank you enough.

Here are some useful resources if you’ve been affected similarly.

TALKWORKS NHS – NHS-backed talking therapy (Devon). There will be a version locally I am sure

Dads Still Standing – a podcast for men who’ve been through what I have

Sands - baby loss charity do amazing work for parents in the same boat as us

Who Needs Instructions CIC and Matt Young