The Hardest Lesson I Learned This Year

12 days ago, I had an accident while riding an electric bicycle.

I hit the marram road hard and hurt myself pretty badly—wounds on my right arm, both shoulders, the left side of my back, an inflamed left wrist, and bruising on the right side of my waist.

Grateful my face and head were unharmed.

It’s been a year of the highest highs and the lowest lows for me.

Endings always seem to demand reflection, don’t they?

➔ 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳.

➔ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱

➔ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺

Whatever it is, reflection is part of the process of moving on.

So, for me, after much reflection, I leave this year with a painful lesson that I learnt around acceptance.

I’m not talking about the surface-level, bumper-sticker kind of acceptance—those trite phrases like:

“𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦”

“ 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯”...

No. Real acceptance is something far deeper. It’s what comes after you’ve grieved, after you’ve healed, after you’ve walked through the fire and come out the other side.

Let me be clear—I’m talking about accepting situations you have absolutely no control over. The kind of things life throws at you with no warning, like:

➔ 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘺,

➔ 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘴,

➔ 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩,

➔ 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘦𝘵𝘤

Some of these examples are trivial, while others are life-changing. But the common thread is control—or, more accurately, the lack of it.

Obviously, you need to review a situation and classify it under '𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭’ or '𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘻𝘦𝘳𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭.'

Now that is out of the way.

And here’s the hard part: nobody talks about how excruciating it can be to accept things you can’t change. The severity of the situation matters, too. Accepting rain on your wedding day is one thing; accepting a cancer diagnosis is an entirely different beast. The former takes minutes or hours. The latter might take months, years, or even a lifetime.

But here’s what I’ve learned: your ability to accept the small, everyday frustrations of life—the rain, the missed bus, the car splash—prepares you for accepting the bigger, heavier blows. It’s like digging shallow before you dig deep.

Why should you care? You need to dig shallow before you can dig deep. Since life throws curveballs every other waking day, it’s important to be prepared. If you remain unprepared, you'll spend your life miserable, awaiting happiness, only to reach 70 and regret a life spent suffering from uncontrollable circumstances.

Acceptance isn’t about giving up—it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering. Take rain on your wedding day, for instance. It doesn’t change the outcome of the rain if you spend the entire day miserable about it. You still get wet, but now you’re wet and upset. Why suffer twice?

This mindset helped me endure five agonizing nights of sleeping solely on my stomach, taking baths sitting down with help, and feeling utterly vulnerable after my accident. On the first night, I had to dig deep into my well of acceptance. It didn’t erase the pain (and seriously, what was with those painkillers? Ugh!), but it made the situation more bearable.

And then came a deeper test. I had to postpone my November 2024 wedding indefinitely—a decision that gutted me. It was another moment of reckoning, another opportunity to practice the hard-won art of acceptance.

So when I talk about acceptance, I’m not speaking in abstractions. I’ve lived it. I’ve learned—painfully, slowly—that acceptance isn’t something you stumble into. It’s something you work toward, one painful step at a time.

This is my last newsletter for 2024. I wish you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas and a happy 2025, and remember to utter this prayer.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

See you in 2025.

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